Luna comes across a blind opera singer, a stallion so handsome that sings music for the night. She instantly falls in love with him and wishes to learn to sing as he does. But when his fame rises because of a princess' patronage, Rarity moves in with romantic intention. The only problem is, neither the stallion nor Rarity know Luna's true identity, Princess of Equestria. When you step between a goddess and the object of her obsession, bad things are bound to happen. (Songfic based off of Phantom of the Opera)
Chapters (12)
That was amazing! Not only was it lovely in all of it's description and simplicity, but it was hilarious when Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice.
Great job! Please update soon, that is, if this story's going to continue. 
So great! MOAAAAARRRR!!
You just made my sister extremely happy.
273940
Come back tomorrow, there will be more!
Dammit! I wanted to do this crossover! Ah, whatever. Probably wouldn't have happened anyway.
Couple typos I have to point out: Canterlot is misspelled as Canterlet at one point. Also, Cleff mentions he's DJ Pon-three's brother. I know, Pon3 doesn't look good, but the other spelling's just plain awkward, especially since you refer to her by the "properly" spelled name in the next paragraph. One more thing that I noticed: blind script is braille, not brail. Named after Louis Braille, the guy who developed it. That, and I would highly advise removing exclamation points from the narration.
Apart for all that, and some minor grammatical and formatting errors (give it a quick once-over on the site and you'll see what I mean) it's very well done. The song was incorporated nicely, although Cleff seems a bit too nice. You should probably give him a couple flaws, just to avoid having people call Gary Stu on you. Mind you, it's only the first chapter, so there's still plenty of development I'm not privy to.
275163
Oooh, I've been waiting for this! The tension is building? What will Princess Luna do?! All shall be revealed! I'm excited.
I requested that box five be left empty!
Whatever. Still like it.
282794 And what's that supposed to mean? Insert self-riteous rant here.
By the way, have you tried submitting this to Equestria Daily? It definitely seems to be that level of quality.
284355
Oh no, I don't think it would be good enough for something like EqD, haha. Besides, its a songfic, lots of people really hate those, especially since the music isn't mine. A song fic fan fic is like a double whammy!
This is fantastic in so many ways. It's quite funny to imagine Rarity as Raoul, though.
284459 As soon as I saw the line "slave of fashion", it couldn't be anypony else.
Im enjoying this far! Keep it up brony :).
Thumbs up and tracked, who knows you might make it into my favorite list someday when this is complete :P
Reason why I do enjoy this far because music concept is so far away from me yet I could read it in words of lyrics. (I'm deaf)
Ugh...as someone who fancies myself a musician, I'm disgusted that I missed the meaning behind Cleff's mark. But, if you don't mind me saying ten beats isn't saying much if the tempo is allegro vivace. Kidding.
Anyway, even though I know you hate this, I have to point out a couple flaws. Another couple typos (suit spelled as suite, and a couple others) and I'm not much of a fan of using all-caps to emphasize a word. While not technically incorrect, it looks a bit amateurish, and would be better if replaced with italics.
On the other side, I'm thoroughly enjoying this. And who knows? They might accept it on EqD just because it's a unique crossover with a unique perspective that's never been done before. You can't lose anything from trying, right? This is getting way less coverage than it deserves, to be honest.
OMC, this is beautiful!! Love it.
Songfics with deep stories around the songs are awesome. I usually avoid LunaXOC, but yours is really well done and I like Cleff.
You should totally send this to EQD, you have nothing to lose and readers to win.
I really can't wait to see where this is going, so I'm going to resort to this: MOAR!!
Oh, yeah, suggestive ponies!
No, but seriously, good work.
You forgot the shrine thing, complete with a mannequin in a wedding...crap. Tuxedo? I don't know.
I'm kidding. This is just as awesome as ever. And I'm going to keep bugging you to submit this to EqD until you do.
291330 Well it can't be a complete retelling or you would know everything that was going to happen beforehand, haha! It's BASED from the story Phantom of the Opera. There'd be no point if I went scene for scene, as you'll soon see me branching out a bit more. I try to have a song in each part, yes, but they may carry different contexts than the play.
As far as EqD goes... maybe when its finished? I dunno...
Hmm... This motivated me to actually watch the phantom of the opera. Now I shall ready your story.
s
This is now getting undeniably badass. Playing the soundtrack five or six times probably helped, but still...
Any issues with form, grammar and general craft seem to be absent, which is excellent. If anything, the songs are blending more seamlessly, and your use of imagery is massively improved just over the course of this story. I may also have a slight vested interest in this story, as the band I play trumpet for is playing a medley of songs from Phantom of the Opera. (1st trumpet, with most of the main themes. Yeah, boii)
One more thing, although this is more personal preference than a correction of any sort. You have to include the main theme. I understand that it's only loosely based on the original, but in this case, I don't believe you have a choice in the matter. But if you didn't plan to include it...well, who am I to tell you what to write?
And so you'll submit to EqD when it's finished? Well, that's progress, I guess. I'm still not going to stop bugging you.
294489
Luna will turn more aggressive soon, I was saving the mane theme for that. Dun worry, I'll keep spinning my yarns as tightly as I can.
Oh, no, Cleff, why would you do that?!
Just like in the movie, I'm supporting The Phantom (a.k.a Luna)! Go, Luna! Win his heart!
Luna hasn't murdered any people has she? That was why Christine in the move didn't stay with the Phantom right? So this story could have a happy ending for her right? (need Luna crying emoticon)
Yes new chapter!
I love how the longest and most complex story I've written has the least views, haha...
So, wait. Whenever I hit caps lock, I'm using the voice of the gods? That's badass! Or...am I a god? That's it! It all makes sense now!
...Sheesh. Tough crowd. Anyway, epic as usual. Of course, I was blasting the main theme while reading the chapter, which just made it cooler. Fantastic job of capturing the mood, by the way.
The only issues I have are in the way you were phrasing some of your dialogue. For instance:
“You are under house arrest.” Said the other officially, equally frowny-faced at her.
It's difficult to explain what the problem is, so I'll just show you a more correct version.
"You are under house arrest," the other stated officially, glaring down at her.
Unless you've got a name after a quotation, it shouldn't be capitalized, and if you're using a dialogue statement, (he said, she said) the quotation should end with a comma, not a period. That, and the use of "frowny-faced" kinda breaks the mood a bit. Other than that, no complaints.
And about the number of views...well, I know a certain website you could submit it to that would fix that issue.
298815 This is getting much, much harder to write well. The Phantom by nature was a lonely, virginal character who, through music, was nine different kinds of erotic. Writing Luna this was is a hard tightrope to walk, without it just becoming "Oh she just wants to jump his bone". Guhhh...
that was just beautiful
My sister is a phantom of the opera nerd... still, i think this is good. Keep on writing
Oooo, cliffhanger! Good story so far! Hope it won't turn into another battle like thousand years ago or recent one with Elements of Harmony.
Well Damn...
Finally caught up on reading this. Good job. It's kinda faunny, cause I know this movie by heart (my sister is a phantom "phreak") so this is enjoyable. Keep writing.
315150 Well, hopefully I'll have just a couple of surprises in store for you! We've already had our Derpy cameo and such, so be on the lookout.
315150 Well, hopefully I'll have just a couple of surprises in store for you! We've already had our Derpy cameo and such, so be on the lookout.313801 There's no glory in repetition, I don't think!
I have one main issue with this chapter: namely, this sentence.
Turning towards the night the black goddess fled at full speed, leaping into a stained-glass window.
It would be better expressed as: The black goddess turned away from her sister's light, toward the welcoming darkness of the night. Gritting her teeth at such an ignominious defeat, she fled at full speed, leaping into a stained-glass window.
There are also a few formatting errors, namely in paragraph placement (read the site version, not the edit window, and you'll see what I mean) and there's still that issue with period use in dialogue. Keep a close eye out for ending quotations with a period. It's rarely appropriate when you have a "he said, she said," statement afterward. The only time it's appropriate is when you're referring to a character by name, and even that's iffy.
And, of course, you spelled "suit" as "suite". Just an annoying typo.
The story's coming along nicely, but now I would recommend a thorough polishing, and possibly an editing session with another author. Fresh eyes tend to find problems the author overlooks.
I think that's just about everything.
And now I can't wait for the climax. Still that issue with periods at the end of quotations, but since I wrote this immediately after reviewing the last chapter, I suppose I can't expect that to be corrected. But at least I can remind you.
And one more typo: Night Mare, Triumphant sold out is tickets in less than an hour.
Pretty sure you meant "its" there. I know, I know, but someone had to be OCD enough to point it out.
315737 I'm gonna ask you one last time to stop acting the editor. Just sit back and enjoy the story, please.
Oooooooooooooo...........
315882 To be fair, this is the first time you asked me to stop playing the editor, but I'll respect your wishes anyway.
Cleff should be with Luna, in least that's what I feel.
For the sake of the original story, is ok for Cleff to stay with Rarity, but poor Luna.
Of course instead of the expected, Cleff could have told Luna he still cared for her as a friend on this last scene, that would have been more FIM-ish.
320920 That's not the end, there's still more story to tell. Don't worry, there may be a happy ending for all, soon enough..
320939 Good. Let's see what happens next then. Hope the end surprises us.
This has been enjoyable. I don't know if I watch you currently, if not I will start.
Well, this was a very nice story. I love well written music fics.
I'm not sure if anypony besides Celestia forgave Luna, but I hope they did; she was not herself. I would have liked that Cleff and Luna could stay as friends because that's how it started, that was the true nature of their relationship imo.
Anyway, it was fun, thanks for the enjoyable read.
@Twilight_Crow I dunno about friendzoning Luna XD, but yeah, it be awkward trying to mend that relationship.
The Night Guard has such devotion, it always pains me to see them unappreciated. Thus, I liked the bit at the end where she finally gives them her notice. Luna is rarely written enjoying the company of her guards.
Besides that, well written. I liked the operatic feel of it, I wish I could put a melody to your lyrics. In fact, it kind of makes me want to finally see the Phantom of the Opera. And, boy, did the passion run high. I was uncomfortably flustered too often... Though at the start I was hoping to see a possible Luna ship, because happy Luna is best Luna, I guess the story was more impressionable and heartbreaking because it didn't work out.
322223 I would recommend Gerard Butler's movie version of Phantom, its the most modern and accessable version of the opera. I did of course change and move some things about, as well as leave some things out entirely to keep OC's to a minimum. It is ponies, after all, and it was Luna's story, not Cleff's. Who better to play a lonely, virginal character who merely wants passionate love in her life? I'd go see it as soon as I could if I were you. The real phantom is nine different kinds of erotic despite nothing ever "happening" between him and anyone else, and the music of the night is just beautiful. Good luck!
Well. That's it, I guess. Well done. Very well done.
Now I must fight my every instinct not to perform a critique, which, in this case, would prove rather unnecessary anyway. You seem to have taken most of my advice to heart, because there's nothing off that I noticed in this chapter. My ego is happy.
You've done a great job with this story. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hell, if it held the attention of someone who can't focus for more than ten seconds at a time...
I've seen the Gerard butler one, I think it's good. I'd like to see the original CFO
The 30's though.
326369 Micheal Crawford is quite popular as well. He's been called the "current living phantom" by many because he's so popular and really very talented. Rather than focusing on the raw sex appeal that Gerard Butler has, he really does portray more toward the "original" concept of the phantom character. Try Youtubing "Micheal Crawford Music of the Night", he really is quite beautiful to watch.
322223 By the way, I've been thinking of doing a fic with Luna's two guards. Would you be interested in reading that?
Also, what got you flustered? I'd love to know so I can refine such things in my later writings!