Equestria was at war, the land was scarred as the Sun battled the Moon for dominance over all the beings that resided in it's borders, and one little pony struggled through the night, his life nothing but a blink in time for Twilight Sparkle, protégé of Celestia, Element of Harmony, heroine of the realm, friend and adoptive sister of the redeemed Princess Luna...
And a disaster waiting to happen, as Twilight Sparkle delves into her studies on dream magic, she connects with the mind of another unicorn from over a thousand years ago: at the height of the tyranny of Nightmare Moon. But does she influence him, or does he control her?
As events spiral out of her control, fate will be questioned, friendships neglected, and bonds of trust will be the least to be broken, for when our intellectual unicorn meddles in the past, what happened, may happen any other way, or more than one way at once, and will she ever notice the difference?
What is a Lesson in Friendship when all this, and more; when any mistake, no matter how slight, may end your own existence?
This is not related to the book/movie "50 Shades of Grey" at all.
I have fixed the syntax of the Old English used in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
I have put the finishing-finishing-finishing touches on the chapter.
I have retrieved the old story descriptions from the cached pages (this being required was partly neglect and partly an accident) and merged (long version) and replaced (short version) the new story descriptions.
I have added numerous assurances that: This is not related to the book/movie "50 Shades of Grey" at all!
Very interesting, but there is one problem I have with the story.
Ponyville is maybe like, three hundred years old. Granny Smith founded the town so if what you say is true, than Granny Smith is one thousand and fifty years old, but this can be easily fixed by adding the alternate universe tag.
Other than that I'm intrigued please continue.
3252426
You do have a point, I forgot about her story and how Ponyville was essentially founded on the Zap Apple trade.
Adding an AU tag. Thanks!
The next chapter will likely be more concerned with nuance, a thousand years is a very long time, after all. But it will continue.
Male or female?
Interesting concept, I will see where it goes. (although if it goes even close to grimdark I will stop reading it)
Will this be anything like 50 shades of gray( I have no clue what happens in it other than romance and light porn fyi) If so warn me now so I know I wont be interested
3254343
Absolutely not, I agree, that would be completely horrific.
The title of the story is applicable to the story itself, but this is going to stay teen-rated and will not involve BDSM: This is not related to the book/movie "50 Shades of Grey" at all!
3252930
I am male, Twilight Shade is a stallion. Twilight Sparkle is totally a mare.
I would make a joke about Luna, but she'd be furious at me, and I really just want to squeeze her in a comforting hug.
3253241
I am not intending to need a gore tag (I assume that's what you mean by "grim")
3252426
Granny Smith: The Mystery Alicorn. (Not going to happen.)
My apologies for any update messages that may be caused (I am unsure of how FIMFiction notices trigger.) by republishing the first chapter, it does not retain any changes I make unless I Edit > Unpublish > Publish. That is: If I just use the Edit feature, the changes are not retained once I exit the edit process. A solution to this bit of annoyance (especially if anyone is loading the chapter during the few seconds of it being unpublished) would be greatly appreciated.
The changes were fixing the syntax of the Royal Canterlot Voice and a few minor Grammar errors, I don't have a pre-reader, and despite multiple re-reads before publishing, a few things escaped my notice.
This isn't helped by the fact that most pre-readers require you to double-check their pre-reading, just to make sure you didn't miss anything, and that negates most of the reason for needing a pre-reader unless they are Absolutely Amazing.
3255809 Twilight Shade....
3256011
Is a male, a stallion, yes.
This is why I consistently referred to him as "him".
And a stallion is an uncastrated male horse, a castrated male is called a gelding. A female horse is a mare, the same terms apply to ponies.
I'm sorry, I assumed that you knew the definition of stallion.
3257157 I know all about what each type of pony is from birth to death. It's quite likely that I know quite a bit more than you do about 'em as well, but that's not the point. The description does not define who the romance is with, just that there happens to be a stallion that is in it.
3257734
I see, I can only promise that one pony will end up loving another pony, the Romance tag does not necessarily entail a relationship; unrequited love works too.
It's probably going to be Shade > Sparkle, I'm pretty invested in Luna and Twilight being like sisters and Celestia is not an option, since part of the story involves the past, you could have hints that previous relationships existed.
My point is, your question confused me, how is "Male or female?" supposed to let me know: "Which gender of pony does Twilight Sparkle (or anypony else) fall in love with?". "Twilight Shade", in context of the earlier question, did not help either.
You did not mention the Romance tag until now; so I did not answer with it in mind. I also do not think the tags are supposed to be spoilers for the pairing(s).
For anyone with similar concerns (Annoyance at OC shipping, which I'm not too fond of either.) as Peppy, the Romance tag is only present because Romance will exist in the story, it is not the primary, or even secondary focus, and so forth. An OC character was required to fit certain criteria of the story. (Must be a stallion who shares the first name of Twilight, a unicorn, and a pony from 1,050 years in the past.) I am not sure where his development will take him, his experiences with Twilight Sparkle will shape who he is, and who he will become. It is understandable if he feels like a Plot Device right now; and it is understandable if you never cease to see him that way, the focus for this story is Twilight Sparkle and how she is ultimately affected. This is her tragedy (adventure?), Twilight Shade is merely another pony that has been caught in the wave.
I have added a tragedy tag because almost every tagging is going to hit the fan, this does not necessarily mean the story will end horribly, just that Bad Things Happen to Good Ponies, and Bad Things Happen to Bad Ponies.
Peppy's comment has been deleted because she couldn't be civil. (Read: She was being downright vulgar, and any such comments that involve profanity will continue to be deleted.)
You can express a negative opinion, but only if the content of your negative opinion is rated E for Everyone.
I like this fic, it has potential, but you need to work on dialogue and character interactions more. Like if it were me, I would have gone into a full blown conversation with Twilight and Luna. I would have showed the conversation instead of just saying; they had a conversation.
No offence, I'm not trying to be mean or any thing, but your going to bore the crap out of your readers if you continue doing that. Besides that little problem you have a really cool idea; I'm a sucker for time travel. Your grammar is also very good; at least I think so.
If you want, you can get me back, I'm currently working on a story called Nightshade. Post a comment and tell me where I need to improve. I can take it.
3302649
Thanks for your comment! :P
I know that character dialogue is an issue, I will try my hand at writing it next chapter, I have no idea how I'm going to style a full-blown conversation between multiple characters, I'm afraid it will come off as Out-of-Character or kind of stiff/forced in general.
But like I said, next chapter I'm planning to drop a multitude of characters in the same room and see what happens, just bear with me, my sociability is a low level.
This is primarily why I welcome tips from readers and fellow writers, I'm so nervous-cited
, and would really like to know what works for other people so that I can more easily find what works for me.
3304486
Try two characters talking to each other first, before you try a room full.
When writing dialogue just imagine it being said in the character’s voice and go from there.
I still struggle with it myself, but I believe I've gotten better. Just takes allot of practice.
I hope this helped.
3305755
*ahem*
"Listen here, Sugarcube, ya'll be jus' fine just by buckin' the ever-lovin' sunlight outta anypony that has the gumption to go threatin' Fluttershy."
I decided to listen to an episode to have voices in my ears while thinking of how to write them, I chose Cutie Mark Chronicles, and the adorableness of filly Twilight and Applejack... Well, exists.
Then again, the above example probably isn't the best (I notice it bears resemblance to actual quotes from the show, but I suppose using pre-existing vocabulary works.), I just enjoy puns involving the Crusaders turning viciously violent due to bad influence.
Thanks for the suggestion, Kain. Now I'm off to study.
Ouch, it's been three weeks and I haven't posted a new chapter.
I do not know when the next chapter will be out; but I believe I can schedule my previous conflicts of interest and studying to really bite the bullet and have one out. I also spent some of my time brain-storming for another story, which may have delayed my brainstorming for this one.
like... check
fav... check
reason why i like it...
It includes old equestria, and the war between Celestia and Nightmare Moon! Well made, as expected, and I can only imagine how tragic Twilight's influance could be in the chapters to come! Can't wait, Ecstatic!
When will u add more