The Bar, The Bat-Pony, and The Alien

by Mr Anomalous

Chapter Three: Unwilling Flight (Revised)

Around four-thirty in the morning, I was torn from my sleep like some stray piece of paper caught in a tornado by a high-pitched and extremely irritating clanging to the side of my bed.

Groaning, I turned over and heavily swung, missing the blaring alarm clock and pounding the table in its stead.

It took a few more tries, but I eventually shut if off.

For a while, I sat there in bed, gathering the energy necessary to drag myself out of the warm, comfortable, fluffy bed of mine while trying not to fall asleep at the same time.

Then everything came rushing back to me. The Alien, our meeting, the walk home, everything.

Laying there in bed, I scoffed a bit. Did it all really happen? Had I actually made friends with an alien? Pretty crazy to think about.

Finally, after killing my thoughts about my newest acquaintance and groaning once more, I sat up and swung my lower legs over the side of the bed, where the came to a rest on the dirty, circular rug that my bed sat upon.

I sighed and did my morning ligament-cracking - spine, neck, legs - and finally managed to crawl out of bed.

I took a quick, cold shower to wake up and quickly brushed my teeth and mane.

And, beleive it or not, I wear makeup.

Not too much, mind you, but it's there. I know I'm pathetic, but even a super-awesome Bat-Pony such as myself has to look pretty every now and then.

So, I had to apply that, drinking a Red Minotaur for breakfast, I exited my home to a simultaneously cold and warm climate. It's hard to explain, but it's true.

As I approached my first workplace, I couldn't help but noticed the lack of noise. Usually, seeping from a few open and/or cracked windows, you can hear talking and the buzzing of machines starting up and whatnot, but not today.

I frowned at the oddity and only shrugged as I pushed open the door. No one in the entry halls either.

However, there was someone at the front desk, as the shuffling noises around under the desk gave away.

"Yo Rust!"

"Что вы хотите, Малиновый?"

"Equestrian, Rust. You escaped, remember?"

"Huh-?"

There was a loud thud and some clanking as, I assume, Rust went to stand up but hit his head on the underside of the metal table, spilling tools all over the place.

"Гах! Celestia гребаный черт побери!"

I chuckled to myself.

After a few moments of silence, I raised my voice.

"You alive?"

"Pah! Barely," came the heavily-accented response.

Lemme tell ya, when you first meet Rust - real name being Anton Kaffrov, "Rust" being just a nickname - he. Is. Terrifying. He's a good six-and-a-half hooves tall, just as long, and pretty muscled up. His gray-colored coat, darker mane and tail, and an ever-present shade on his chin give him a pretty roughed-up look help with his intimidation.

His stories from Stalliongrad make ya shiver, too. He was forced to fight, at the age of thirteen, in that big 'ole war that's still going on with Germaney. Got a bunch of scars all over from it. Crazy-ass Adolf Bitler...

His voice though...deep, rolling, and heavily accented is the scariest part.

But, after you meet him, turns out that he's really just a big teddy bear.

'Course, didn't seem like that then, but getting smashed in the head by a metal table would put anyone in a foul mood.

After a few more moments of silence and me trying to fight down my amusement, I spoke up again, saying, "Well, seeing as you are indeed alive and fully-functioning, I have a question to ask you."

The large stallion peeked over the table and began to look around, confused, until his eyes fell on me. Ah. He lives.

"And that would be?" he asked, in an urging tone.

"Where the hell is everyone?"

"Ah, interesting bit of info, that." he responded, "Know that alien that recently came into town?"

I nodded.

"Well, he murdered three stallions last night."

My pupils jumped from standard size to dinner plates in about a millisecond.

"Wait-what-waddaya mean?"

"That's what I heard at least. Everyone's gone to lynch him. If you want to go join the party, go right ahead, I guess. I have some work to do anyway..."

If he said anything else, I didn't hear it.

I bounded outside of the building, jumped, and opened up my wings, letting the wind catch them and drag me high into the sky.

Gliding forward and closer to the town, my gut froze as I saw a large pillar of fire engulfing what I assumed to be the bar that I worked at.

Well, used to.

In the middle of the street, the entire town - which really wasn't that much - was shouting and throwing rocks and other things at the burning building.

I landed a few feet outside of the crowd, stirring up dust from the dirt road, and just sat for a while, staring all wide-eyed at the whole scene., my wings drooping.

No one, not even a technologically advanced alien such as Doctor Alexias could survive such a fire.

Again, I took off, this time toward my distant home.

It was obvious that I wasn't going to have to report to either job today.
I sat at my kitchen table, a cocktail of Red Minotaur and Appleshine clenched in my hoof, staring at the table, my mind blank.

I had literally known that thing, that alien for only a few hours. We didn't find out really all that much about either of each other either, and yet there I was, sitting here in a zombie-like state.

Why? I wasn't in love with him or anything - promised myself that would never happen again - and I had had much better friends, both in the past and then. Why did I feel so sad? If he had really murdered three stallions, then he got what he deserved. But no, Doctor Alexias wouldn't murder anyone...

And how could be I so sure? He was an alien.

I just shook my head and stood up.

Shit happens. It'd all get figured out soon, and then we, myself included, could all get on with our merry lives.

With this thought in my head and a half-empty glass on the table, I returned to bed, already emotionally drained in the one hour that I had been awake.
I don't know what time it was, how much later it happened, or whatever, but after I had been asleep for a while, I was awoken by three heavy thuds.

Already wide awake, I got out of bed and strained my ears, listening for the noise again. A few seconds later, it happened again, startling me.

In a quick succession, faster than the last, three thuds sounded.

Ah. My door. Duh.

I shook my head, internally scolding myself.

Maybe everything got sorted out and they need me down at the mine, I thought.

I tried to keep Alexias out of my mind and went to the door.

"Alright, Rust, ya found me, jus' lemme..."

I opened the creaky, wooden entrance to my humble abode, expecting to see Rust come to get me and maybe tell me what happened. That's not what I got.

"Hello, Crimson, would you like to go on and adventure?"
It was Alexias. Doctor Alexias. 'Ole Deadeye. The Alien.

I don't know what came over me - probably put on too much makeup that mornin' - but I squeed in excitement and threw myself into his surprised arms.

"Well, I never knew myself to make such a lasting impression on anyone, but I guess I swayed you."

Blinking away tears, and flushing with embarrassment as I realized what I was doing, I scrambled from his arms.

"Nevermind, then..."

As I sat there, I noticed that it was really rather quite bright for such a time at night. There seemed to be kind of a bright, orange light behind the Alien.

"Deadeye, I mean, Alexias, what the hell is going on? What happened? Is the bar alright? Are you alright?"

The Alien's upper body puffed up a bit as he took a deep breath and let it loose in a massive sigh.

"Well, does this answer your question?"

Alexias took a step to the side and I had to rub my eyes to make sure I saw what I saw.

The entire town. All of it.

It was on fire.

That was the glow.

Several columns of flames lept up from the buildings, licking the sky and loosing great, billowing pillars of smoke. Off in the distance, several ponies were shouting, trying to kill the flames.

It took me a while, but I eventually got something out, "Guh-uh-wha-didja...? What the buck!? Did you do this??"

"Yes, but, to repeat my first question, would you like to go on an adventure?"

"What? No! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Huh, that's funny, I don't recall giving you a choice. Well, I did, actually, but you don't have a choice."

"What? Rust, Frosty, someone, help me!"

"Now, now, Crimson, calm down."

"You seriously want me to calm down!? My town is burning, you murdered three stallions, came up here to ask me if I wanted to go 'an adventure' and then tell me to calm down?? And to think, I almost cried when I thought you were dead!"

"That's all very touching, but I fail to see your point."

"Gah! HELP!"

"You are irritating me, Crimson."

"What!?"

Through his mask, Alexias gave me a deadpan look that lasted several seconds. After that, he simply clonked me over the head with a frying pan that I hadn't noticed before.

And then everything was black.
For the third time in recent history, I awoke.

This time, rather than inside my home, on my bed, I was somewhere else. Judging from the cramped amount of space that I had and the texture of the cloth rubbing against me, in a burlap sack.

The ground was hard, and it was significantly colder than I last remembered.

Then, as it had this morning, everything came flooding back.

This time, with my abduction.

"Alexias! You motherbucker, where are you!?"

"Watch it! You'll roll into the fire!"

I froze. Fire? Not fire...

"Gyaaaaahh!"

I tore open the bag and scooted away as fast as I can, breathing heavily, my two eyes fixed on the small but still firey fire not six feet from my current position.

"Not a big fan of fire?"

'Ole Deadeye was sitting, cross-legged, in the circle of light and warmth that the flames provided.

Behind him, the sky was dark, a massive moon shining brightly above him, surrounded by clouds.

It was snowing, heavily.

"Where the buck are we, Alexias?"

"Just outside of Potevka, Stalliongrad."

"What? Why??"

Doctor Alexias only sighed.

"Now is more than likely the wisest of times to tell you exactly what is going on."

"Ya think?"

My sarcasm flying over his head like an arrow, he nodded earnestly.

"Well, my dear Crimson, it started after I got back to the bar - never bothered to learn it's name - and, er, purchased a few nights in a room. I don't know if you heard of it, but earlier I was approached by a very nasty stallion. He started insulting me, which, in all honesty, is something that I can stand. It has been happening to me my entire life. But...but he spilled my coffee..."

I could have sworn that I saw a tear.

"But not matter, that was the last straw."

My eyes widened.

"You didn't. . .you didn't kill him, did you?"

"What? No, of course, not. I wanted to, but that would have been highly illegal. No, he crawled away with a broken jaw. A half an hour or so later, you came in and you know everything up until I 'bought' my stay-"

"Why did you say it like that?"

"Pardon?"

"You said' bought' all sarcastic like."

"No I didn't, continuing forward, I went to spend the night in that room, but, well, my life was attempted."

"What? Really?"

"Affirmative. The stallion who's jaw I broke two of his friends, I assume. All three of them were dead in less than thirty seconds."

Again, my eyes widened, "What? Are you sure they were trying to kill you??"

"Well, considering there were three of them, that they crept into my room in the dead of night, and one of them had a rather large butcher knife on his body, then yes, I beleive that my judgment was sound."

"Woah..." I whispered. That was crazy, "What happened next?" I asked him.

"Well, the bar's owner, Frosty, I beleive you called him, came blundering up and didn't bother to ask me what happened, instead assuming that I "pony"napped the lot and brought them up to my room to murder. Despite the fact that I had killed them rather loudly and bloodily, and that in doing so in such a fashion I gave away their deaths, and that if I wanted to kill them stealthily, oh, ho, they would have been killed stealthily! But all that's aside the point. I had to barricade myself in and had to not kill any of the other ponies. It took quite a long time for me to escape. . ."

I sat, processing all of this. If it was all really true, than he was innocent. But. . .

"But how does that justify you lighting my entire town on fire??"

"Well, I didn't do it-"

"But you said-"

"Ah, ah, I didn't do it myself, but I caused it. You really need to find a less psychotic lot to spend your time with."

I gave him a deadpan look, much as he gave me when just before he knocked me unconscious.

As if on cue, that particular part of my head sent a shard of pain down my skull. I reached up and rubbed it furiously.

"Owwwww....why did you have to take me??"

"Because, you're my friend."

I groaned the biggest groan I've ever groaned and simply fell onto my side, not caring that the side of my face was in the snow.

This was going to be interesting, to say the least.

Author's Note:

In story-related news, imagine Rust's voice like Nikolai Belenski's from Black Ops Zombies.

Revised with some advice from Comet Burst.

Comments

[Comet Burst]

Alright, this one is going to be pretty long, but it's to help you. I'm not doing this out of spite or to be mean, I want to help you improve.

Firstly, I love that header. I'm not sure if you make them yourself, but they add an extra little something to your story. I also like the way you portrayed Crimson when she woke, especially if she works late and wakes early. I could easily relate to her in that moment and felt comfortable reading about her. Alexis's banter with her at her door was also very good with their personalities clashing like that, all while throwing in the dry humor of Crimson having a choice.

But, I felt this chapter was scraped together rather quickly. I'm not sure why Crimson cried when she thought the good Dr. Alexis had met his fate, especially since she had only met him less than twelve hours ago. I understand it may be traumatic to think that your friend was a murderer and had perished for it, but you didn't fully explain that. Instead, we got a weird 'It's not like I was in love with him' bit, making it seem like Crimson either has a skewed view of friendship or has a massive crush for Alexis she developed in less than twenty lines of dialogue, which seems highly unlikely.

Secondly, the idea that a whole town was burning without Crimson noticing was a bit out of place. Surely the other ponies in town would be running around and screaming, or Crimson would have at least found it odd they weren't. It also felt really rushed that you destroyed the town that quickly. I figure there is something that Dr. Alexis is hiding and it will be revealed as the story goes on, but it felt awkward and forced there instead of mysterious and dark.

Third, I hate to say it, but you made the cardinal mistake of telling rather than showing, especially during Dr. Alexis's explanation. I personally would have him recap what happened in the saloon to Crimson in his own words rather than expecting everyone to remember what happened two chapters earlier. By doing this, you can show us some more of the Doctor's mind while we can see how Crimson reacts to the whole ordeal.

Overall, it's a good way to set things in motion, but it felt too bare again. I would highly recommend adding some fluff to this, padding the rough areas so it becomes more pleasing to read. I would also toss out that bit about Crimson crying and wondering why she is because it makes the whole thing a lot more awkward to read, but that is just my opinion.

You are the writer and I'm just a reader offering my two bits. Please keep writing!

[Mr Anomalous]

3247543
I will admit, it was put together in a hurry.

And, well, you're right.

Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it!

[Humbucker]

ADVENTCHA