The Bar, The Bat-Pony, and The Alien

by Mr Anomalous

Entry No. 2: Extra-Terrestrial Beings are Intimidating

Things were quite interesting for me today, quite interesting indeed.

You see, I don't mean to brag when I say this, but I am skilled. In what? Again, I don't mean to brag, but, quite frankly, in everything.

I know a good 76.2% of every computer programming language on Earth, and know just as much, if not more, about the hardware in a computer.

Mathematics, unfortunately, aren't really my strong point, but I know enough to make complex calculations and create algorithms relatively quickly.

When it comes to defending myself, I'll admit that I lack there as well. I do know how to fire, reload, clean, ect cetera, ect cetera, my weapon - a customized MK 17 Mod, also know as the FN SCAR-H - and I do know how to take care of and use my blade when needed, but I may as well just jump off a cliff when it comes to much else.

Oh, what's custom about my weapon, you ask? Not much. Except it fires .505 caliber rounds. Fully automatic. I must admit, it took me a while to get used to the kick myself.

Drat, I've been getting off task. Perhaps I was bragging a little...?

Continuing onward, I am skilled in quite a bit of things, navigating and geography included, so...it really did not take me long to travel the entire residential areas of Equestria. And, I must say, it's quite boring.

I suppose there's plenty of tall buildings and such, but my they are nothing compared to my home planet's.

We, I kid you not, were able to have over 3,000 people in one square mile and have them all fed and comfortable simultaneously.

And the native civilizations? Intriguing, something new to learn about, but if there's one thing I've learned during all of my years, it's to accept reality, and this reality did not keep me interested.

The astounding cultural similarities didn't help much, either.

So, soon, I found myself wanting to go elsewhere, thus I brought the inquiry of such places to Princess Celestia. She told me of an industrial part of Equestria that's not too entirely popular far up North, eastward across neutral land, and then south again, into some dark rocks.

Why not? Sounded like Earth to me.

Due to some mistrusting ponies - as well as a few overly interested ponies - the trip was slower than I would have preferred but, two years, ten months, and twenty-two days after I came to Equis I arrived at an outpost where, unfortunately, a group of Stalliongradi miners attempted my life.

You see, Stalliongrad is another example of a cultural parallel, this time of the old Soviet Union. Equestria news did not travel across into their land, so they must have took me for some demon or such.

Negotiations were useless, and I was forced to kill them. Waste of ammunition.

As is so happens, I made a rather severe miscalculation and had entered Stalliongrad. After reading a rather blood-soaked map in the small bunker, I gauged my distance and found that I had to travel a mile or so back west and then seventy-two further southward.

I did it in a two days.

Though my life was not attempted again, I did not feel too welcome.
It was early in the morning when I first reached the town, four o' clock if I remember correctly - and I often do. The industrial building was indeed very impressive, but that was not what I was interested. What was I interested in then? Coffee. And lots of it.

Coffee, my reader, is the very liquid by which I live, by which I thrive. Without it, I am not sure how I would survive.

I kind of forced my way into the bar and woke the Bartender and two waitresses - in-house workers, I assume as I did so.

I didn't speak, only jabbed at the coffee with my finger.

The bartender, if that is who it was, complied and brought me a mug full off it. Pure Black. Success.

By now the bar was just about to open, and I was content to spend my day there, drinking free coffee - free or else - and observing the ponies around me.

I, unfortunately, ran into one of the "mistrusting" ponies later that day, around lunchtime.
"Hey! You!"

I attempted to ignore the creature, as I did all ponies, but it ended up in vain.

"Freak!"

I sighed and answered without looking behind me, "I do not respond to insults."

"I don't care, you'll respond to me!"

I didn't.

Eventually, he became reckless and approached my at my table.

"You, monster! I won't have you in my town!"

"The will?"

He opened his mouth to retort, but was caught up.

"Wait, what?"

"Your town. I wish to see the will that proves your ownership."

"Bah! I don't have no will on me!"

I finally gave him the luxury of my full attention and he backed away, his ears flattening a bit. He looked younger, his eyes a light blue and his coat a very light tan, his mane a tail a light shade of beige. His Cutie Mark consisted of nothing but a red-hot blacksmith's hammer.

"Then this is not your town, and you do not have that authority. Leave me be, please."

He wouldn't. I usually posses quite a stockpile of patience in my reserves, but today the reserve was not open to me, it would seem.

After a bit more ignored insults, he finally did something unforgivable: knocked over my coffee. On purpose.

"Sir, let me tell you what you just did. I, an alien whom you know nothing of, of my restraints, my strengths, my abilities, my beliefs, my weapons, have been traveling for days on end to get here thanks to ponies just like you who refused me a space on their trains, vehicles or other modes of transportation, and you just knocked over my coffee. Coffee, dear sir, is what I live off of. I've already killed seven Stalliongradi miners who crossed me, and you have jumped to the top of my 'hurt very severely' list. What do you have to say for yourself?"

He faltered, looking rather frightened at this point, but pushed onward regardless.

"Uh...ye-yer lying. About the Stalliongradis..."

"Am I now?"

"Yeah, you are. You couldn't have killed 'em."

I looked at my coffee-stained lap and sighed. I looked back at my assailant, who stared unconvincingly back at me, daring me to retort.

I did. Physically.

Did you know that lower legs are quite soft when you fire a rifle round into them, especially one of my size, point blank?

I knew that too, but that's not what I did.

I restrained myself, and he only stalked away with a broken jaw. Unfortunately.
Nearer to the end of the day, after a few mugs of the nectar of the gods, something entered that caught my interests.

Never in my three years in Equestria have I witnessed a creature such as what entered at that time.

It was a Pegasus, but rather than feathered wings, they were black, leathery, like a bat's. Her eyes, which were concerned at the time, were a purple color, and reptilian. Her ears were poofy. She was adorable.

She entered what I could only assume was the waitresses preparing room without noticing me.

Soon, she reappeared with one of the in-house waitresses whom of which sat her down at the bar and began to speak to her. Very soon, her attention was drawn to me.

I made it look as if I hadn't noticed, but I did.

Soon, she approached me and haltingly asked for my order. Brave little thing.

Anyway, she's probably told you herself, so I won't waste your time. Point is: I have myself a Bat-Pony friend.

Hooray for Doctor Alexias, I suppose.
After dropping my new friend, Crimson Bloom's her name, off at her home outside of town, I quickly traveled back down to the bar where I purchased a few nights in the owner's best room. Or made him give it to me, either way, I was going to get to sleep there.

I was going to give him compensation later, I swear it!

Anyway, stomach full of coffee, I entered the room and stripped my gear. Despite what I had told Crimson earlier, my mask had indeed come off my face before, as it did then. Only for a few seconds though, otherwise I would have passed out rather quickly.

I Qwik-Powdered my clothes, thus cleaning them, and climbed into my bed, eventually drifting into a deep sleep, despite the bed's, uh, smaller size.

As it so happened, around midnight, I was awoken by a small creaking noise. Ah, someone had entered my room. And judging by their failed attempt at stealth, they did not want to awake me.

Option A being because it was a maid of some sort, tidying up the room, or, more likely Option B: they wished to physically harm me.

"Bit of advice, friend; whilst attempting to kill someone in their sleep, don't wake them up."

I heard not one but three quite gasps of surprise and I flicked on my bedside lamp.

As suspected, three ponies, all stallions, one of which had his lower jaw bandaged - wonder why - all stood in my room. All of them were Earth Ponies, so I needn't have worried about magic or wings, but one solid hit from any of them and I would more than likely be done for.

"Oh? Is that a knife I see there?"

One of the ponies, a dim gray stallion with a light blue mane and tail, took a step back, attempting to hide his weapon.

"Dear sirs, you, if my eyes do not deceive me and my mind knows what it does, just made an attempt on my life. According to Equestrian law, even out here, I now have the right to kill you in retaliation.

All three of their eyes widened, and then steeled in determination, but I was faster. With one round fired, the knife-brandishing stallion fell to the floor, a fountain of blood where his head used to be, dirtying the decorative wallpaper and the rug on the floor.

The other, a dark brown pony with a black mane and tail, attempted to flee, but it was an amusingly futile attempt, as the hole in the door and the distant spat of gore on the main floor below told me.

That left the original pony, the who had confronted me in the bar.

He seemed frozen with fear - rightfully so - and backed into a corner, sweating and emptying his bladder as he did so.

"You're one of those kinds of beings, aren't you? You know, the ones who don't deserve a place in existence?"

The stallion's eyes widened even further and he began to shake his head, attempting to speak.

"I'm sorry, dear sir, but it seems that your jaw has been broken. Wonder how that happened...?"

Author's Note:

Yeah, this one's a bit shorter than the first, but I'll try and make them longer.

Comments

[The Serpent Mage]

That... that was fucking awesome, the way he seemed so joking with them while blasting them into pieces.

[Mr Anomalous]

3225807
He is simply an educated man.

But being an educated man comes in handy when joking while blowing ponies to pieces.

[kingsmen]

Words can't describe on how hard I was mentally loling and saying how fuck those stallions are.

[Fugly Duckling]

he kinda reminds me of Deadpool mixed with a little The Punisher and The Joker

[Mr Anomalous]

3228680
Crimson works near the entrance to the mine, and I don't think I ever specified that the locker room she shared was female, but it was. As for how Deadeye eats, I actually realized that I didn't specify that while I was at school. You'll learn soon though. And thank you so very much for your feedback; I was kinda nervous when I saw how bit it was, but hardly any of it was negative, so hooray!