The Princess and the Usurper

by Beanzoboy

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

“Oh, I just hope Princess Celestia is alright.” Fluttershy said softly, her concern for the princess obvious in her voice.

“Me too, Fluttershy. Me too.” Twilight agreed as the train departed the station in Ponyville on its way to Canterlot. The ponies looked out the window into the sky at the red moon as they passed fields and farms and houses, all wondering what could have been the cause of the moon's sudden appearance and why it had a ghastly, red hue.

The train ride didn't take long to get to Canterlot, and as they got off at the station they saw more ponies staring at the moon with the same puzzled expressions on their faces as the ponies in Ponyville. “Alright, girls. And Spike. Let's get to the bottom of this.” Twilight said as they hurried from the train station to the palace. As they got closer, they noticed the guards were hurrying around as Shining Armor gave them orders. Their main concern was to calm the ponies of Canterlot and prevent wide-spread panic. It was working... for now.

“Hello, brother! How are you?” Twilight asked Shining Armor as she hugged him tightly. “It has been a long time since we've spoken. How is Princess Cadance?”

“Hello, Twiley! It has been a while. It's great to see you, sis.” Shining Armor replied, hugging his sister in return. “Cadance and I are working hard to figure out what happened to Princess Celestia. I am glad you and your friends are here. We could use all the help we can get. I have something troubling to show you, however. It's inside the castle. Follow me.”

The ponies followed Shining Armor into the castle, through the main hallway, and up to the door of the throne room, which stood closed and guarded. “I am afraid that what you are going to see in here, sister, will severely upset you. But you must know what has happened. I am afraid that only you six will be able to fix this mess.”

Shining Armor waved the guards aside, and as they stepped quietly out of the way, he pushed the doors open. All of the ponies were nervous about what they may find in the throne room, but Twilight was affected the most. Her mouth went dry, her heart pounded in her ears, and her stomach flipped and churned with nervousness. Their thoughts couldn't hold a candle to reality.

As the doors swung open, all of the ponies gasped in surprise, and Twilight's heart dropped like a rock from a mountain to settle at the bottom of her stomach. She could feel the bile in her mouth and she felt the need to be violently sick, but she forced it down. She wrapped her front leg around Spike's eyes so he would not be subjected to the view that she and the other ponies endured.

The smell of iron was strong in the room, and she could see the large pools of blood on the floor from where she stood. There were blood stains all around the room, smeared hoof prints, damage to the walls, floors, pillars and the throne. Windows had shattered, large pieces of glass lay strewn about, some covered in blood. A large number of white feathers, also covered in blood, laying on the floor; Princess Celestia's feathers.

“What in tarnation happened here?” Applejack asked, unable to look away from the appalling sight, regardless how much she wished to. Twilight finally started to cry as the realization that something had indeed happened to Princess Celestia hit her hard. Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy couldn't do anything but try to comfort her with tight hugs as they told her that everything would be alright, and that they would find Princess Celestia. Inside their hearts, however, none of them truly believed it. Even Pinkie Pie was speechless as she gazed upon the horror inside the room. Only Rainbow Dash, as shaken as she was, could think clearly enough to have Shining Armor close the doors again.

Just watching Twilight shake gently as she cried silently with her head down allowed the other ponies to watch her heart break into tiny pieces. They were silent for a while, until Twilight finally took a deep breath, wiped her eyes with her hooves and looked at her brother. “Is she dead?” Twilight asked quietly, her voice catching in her throat, her eyes still blurry with tears.

“I don't know, Twilight. This was all we found when we came in earlier,” Shining Armor said. “We didn't see anypony enter or leave the room all day. We didn't find Princess Celestia's body, so we can only hope that she's still alive somewhere. We couldn't find any clues about who would do such a terrible thing, either. We're completely lost. That's why we need your help.”

“I know who did it.” Twilight said angrily. “And she is going to pay dearly for what she did to Princess Celestia.”

“Woah, hold on there, Twi. We ain't got proof that it was Princess Luna. They're sisters,” Applejack said. “They ruled Equestria together. We can't just assume that she would do somethin' as heinous as attack her sister like this. What would be her motive?”

“Don't you remember the stories?” Twilight asked. “They've fought before. Twice. Princess Luna tried to take over Equestria over one thousand years ago. That's why she got trapped in the moon. And then she came back for the Summer Sun Celebration and tried again! She fillynapped Princess Celestia, and if it wasn't for the six of us, the sun never would have come back! Who knows what she's been planning since she started living at the castle. We've got to find her and put an end to this. Hopefully we will be in time to help Princess Celestia, too. I just wish we knew where to look.”

“Twilight, I don't feel so good,” Spike said, as he held one hand to his stomach, before letting out a loud belch, accompanied by a green flame that produced a small scroll. “Hey, this is from Princess Celestia!” he exclaimed as he tore the seal and opened the scroll to start reading it. “She said that Princess Luna had attacked her this morning and that she fought as much as she could but was taken by surprise. She says that she's in some sort of cave. She doesn't know exactly where. She said she was bleeding pretty badly, but she's using her magic to slow the bleeding. She also doesn't know how long she's been there or how long she can last with her wounds.”

“I knew it was Princess Luna!” Twilight seethed. “We've got to find her! How many caves are in the mountains around here?”

“There are at least a couple dozen, Twilight.” Shining Armor said, “This mountain range is large and there is no way we would be able to search all the caves around here in time to save Princess Celestia.”

“Well we don't have to search all the caves,” Twilight said, “we just need to look for signs that Princess Celestia or Princess Luna had been there. Princess Celestia is bleeding badly, so there would be a lot of blood around the entrance to the cave. There will probably be broken branches on trees and bushes that they passed as they flew inside, and Rainbow Dash can fly fast enough between the caves that she would take a lot less time to find the right cave than the rest of us would.

“Do you think you could do that, Rainbow? You can fly back when you find something that could be the right cave. Then we can take the hot air balloon over there and rescue her. Maybe you can see Princess Luna as you're flying around. Don't attack her by yourself, though. It will take all of us to take her down. We'll imprison her back in the moon after we help Princess Celestia.”

Twilight concentrates for a minute, causing her horn to glow a bright violet color, and Rainbow's eyes start glowing a brighter shade of magenta as the spell takes effect. “This spell will allow you to see as though the sun was shining regardless where you are. I found the spell in one of my books a while ago. I've never had the need to use it before, but the moon light will be less than helpful right now. Please hurry, Rainbow. We need to save her.”

“I'm on it, Twilight.” Rainbow said, determined to find Princess Celestia before it was too late. “I'll be back as soon as I can. Be ready in the hot air balloon.” Rainbow flew off, leaving the rainbow trail behind her.

“Let's get everything else ready.” Twilight told the other ponies, “We have to take the hot air balloon to rescue her because the carriages are way too small to fit all of us and the princess. We can put the platform back on top of the balloon to give us extra space, and if we make the walls short, we can use them to elevate the princess's wounds to help control bleeding. We'll need to be in the hot air balloon when Rainbow gets back so we can't waste any time.”

Applejack and Rarity hurried off to make the modifications to the balloon while the others collected necessary supplies. “We will need lots of blankets and bandages, Fluttershy,” Twilight told her. “Pinkie, Grab some wooden planks that we can use for splints just in case Princess Celestia has a fractured limb. We should also get some water to clean the wounds before bandaging her up to prevent infections, and Spike, grab a bunch of candles that you can light to lead us back if there are forks in the cave. Hurry, we may not have much time.” The ponies scrambled around to find all the supplies they might need and packed it all into the hot air balloon. Then they waited anxiously for Rainbow Dash's return.

---

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash soared quickly through the dark sky watching the ground as she flew past. Twilight's spell worked like a charm. She could see everything clear as day even though she knew there would be next to no light without the spell. She found a dozen or so caves, but nothing that showed signs of being occupied. No blood, no broken tree branches or bushes, not even any hoof prints or disturbed dirt that could indicate any presence of Princess Celestia or Luna.

Disheartened, Rainbow Dash thought that she may have missed a subtle mark in one of the other caves when she saw small red leaves on the top of a tall tree. That's odd, it's spring and the leaves are already changing colors? That doesn't make sense. Unless the leaves aren't changing and something else turned those leaves red. She flew down to take a closer look, and sure enough, she could see the blood in the leaves which indicated that somepony was bleeding as they flew over the tree. It would be too coincidental for the blood to belong to anyone other than Princess Celestia.

She started flying low to the ground around the area looking for caves. This doesn't make sense, Rainbow Dash thought, I know there should be something around here. This has to be where they came. But why can't I see anything? Duh! Princess Luna isn't stupid! She would know we would come looking for Princess Celestia. She wouldn't make it easy for us to find her. She would hide the cave from view. She'd make it unnoticeable to a casual glance, so I've got to be more observant.

She dropped down more and made another sweep when she noticed that what looked like a tree from above was actually a couple large branches that were stuck into the ground and covered up an opening in the side of the mountain. This must be it! Rainbow thought excitedly, She's got to be in here. I've got to go back and get the others. She flew up to the top of a tree close by and broke a few branches off the top as a marker to easily find this place again. She then flew as fast as she could back to the castle to get the other ponies.

---

When Rainbow Dash arrived back at the castle, the other ponies had the hot air balloon packed up and ready to go. They tied ropes to it that Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow could pull to move the balloon faster. “I found it, Twilight.” Rainbow said as she landed, “There are some large branches that were stuck in the ground to cover up the entrance, but I found it.”

“That's great, Rainbow,” Twilight said happily. “We have to hurry up. We've got all the supplies. Fluttershy, help us pull the balloon so we can get there faster.” Each grabbing one of the ropes, they untied the balloon from its stake in the ground and flew off, pulling the balloon with Rainbow in the middle with the longest rope so she could guide the others in the right direction.

It didn't take long for Rainbow to guide them back to the cave she'd found, and after they anchored the balloon to a tree, they grabbed some of the supplies and headed into the cave. Twilight cast a spell to allow her horn to glow and illuminate the cave so the others could see besides Rainbow. They followed the cave for some distance before it split off in two directions.

“We'll have to split up,” Twilight said, looking at the others. “Rainbow, Fluttershy and Rarity go left, we will take the right. Spike, light some of these candles. We can leave these candles in paths that we take so we know which ones have already been traveled, and it will help one group find another if we get in trouble. We don't want to get lost in here.”

They headed their separate ways. Rarity and Twilight used their magic to carry the lit candles, setting them down at each fork as they chose one path or another. Whenever either group reached a dead end, they went backwards and picked up the candles they'd left but made a mark to show which paths didn't lead anywhere.

After about a half hour of walking, the tunnel Twilight's team was walking through opened up into a large cavern. Stalactites and stalagmites were strewn about, and there were various fissures breaking the large room into sections with varying elevations. On the other side of the room was a single wooden door. As they approached the door, Twilight could hear light breathing coming from the other side. She put her front hooves on the door and looked through the small opening toward the top and saw what she never thought she would see. Princess Celestia was laying on the floor with her bleeding wings extended slightly to both sides and her hooves curled up under her body.

Twilight gasped in surprise and started pulling at the door with her mouth but it wouldn't open. “Darn, it's stuck,” she sighed. “Maybe I can use a spell to open it.” She started concentrating on the door and her horn started to glow with a bright light. The door groaned as the wood pulled away from the wall. As she kept her concentration up, the wood splintered and she ripped the door open. “That works too, I guess. Not quite as subtle, though,” she said as she hurried inside.

“Princess Celestia,” Twilight called softly as she knelt down next to the princess's head and gently nuzzled her softly with her nose. “Princess Celestia, wake up. Please talk to me. Spike, bring some water over here and sprinkle it on her face. I need to know that she can still wake up. She's lost a lot of blood. She may have already gone into shock.”

Spike walked over and slowly sprinkled the water on Princess Celestia's muzzle, causing her to groan and slowly open her eyes. “Twilight, is that you? I'm so glad you found me. I was worried I wasn't going to see anyone again.”

“Of course I found you. There is nothing in Equestria that could keep me from finding you.” Twilight whispered softly, with tears in her eyes. “I am so glad you woke up, Princess. I was so worried that we would be too late. That you had... that you'd...” Twilight started crying, laying her head against Princess Celestia's, and wrapping her hooves around the princess's neck and squeezing gently. Taking a deep breath, Twilight calmed herself down. “We'll get you patched up and back to the castle so you can heal. How does that sound? You should drink some water. You've been here for a couple of hours at least, and you're bleeding badly.” Spike gave her some of the water they'd brought, and she drank gratefully.

“That sounds great, Twilight.” Princess Celestia said softly after she finished drinking. “I think both of my wings are broken. I can't feel much right now, other than cold. I'm so tired, I'd like to take a nap.” Princess Celestia slowly laid her head down and closed her eyes.

“You can't take a nap yet, Princess” Twilight said, nudging the princess with her nose. “Go get the others, girls. I'm going to start cleaning her wounds and wrapping her wings up. I'll need help carrying her to the balloon.”

The others ran off to get Rainbow's group, leaving Twilight and the princess alone with the supplies. Twilight got started on the most serious wound: a deep gash in Princess Celestia's chest. Twilight used her magic to wet a cloth and wiped the area around the wound and clean out bits of rock and debris that were stuck in it. After cleaning it out, she placed a clean cloth over it and wrapped the bandages over the wound.

Twilight talked to Princess Celestia as she worked, trying to keep the princess awake and trying to keep herself calm. She wasn't sure how long either effect would last. She washed the blood from her wings, wrapped them with the cloth and bandages they had brought, and splinted them both to stop them from moving. She made sure to put padding between the planks and the wings to prevent the wood from causing extra pain, and she put the knots on the outside of the planks so they didn't put extra pressure directly on the fractures.

After dressing and splinting Princess Celestia's wings, Twilight cleaned up the less serious wounds that she had and continued to give her little sips of water to keep her hydrated. Twilight cleaned an open wound on Princess Celestia's flank and splinted her broken leg before the others returned, all out of breath from the run. “I'm almost done,” Twilight said as they came back. “Just a little more bandaging and we'll be ready to get her out of here.” Twilight finished cleaning and dressing the last few cuts on Princess Celestia's body and they packed up the extra supplies, gave her some more water, and headed back to the balloon.

Twilight used her magic to levitate Princess Celestia and placed her across Rainbow and AJ's backs. She kept her body stable while the others helped shoulder the weight of the princess and carried the supplies.

They followed the candles back to the entrance and Twilight flew up to the top of the balloon with the princess and gently laid her down on the platform. She put some pads under her broken leg and between her wings to keep them elevated, and stayed up on top to keep the princess comfortable, give her water, and add more bandages when the others got soaked through. The others climbed into the basket before Rainbow and Fluttershy untied the balloon from the tree and pulled it back to the castle.

Comments

[TheLastBrunnenG]

Not bad so far. Leaves me wondering: why would Luna do this? Was it really Luna? Could it be a return of Nightmare Moon, or the Changeling Queen? And whoever did it, why would they leave Celestia unguarded? Please join some appropriate groups and add this story so we know more of what it's about, especially given that it starts with a Romance tag. Is it headed for TwiLuna? Twilestia? Will we see some Badass Twilight? Also, find some cover art. A quick Google Images or DeviantArt search should do, or even just a screencap from the show. Good luck, stick with it, and enjoy!

[Katnine]

I have spotted several errors when it comes to commas, but otherwise this is a potential filled story. I'm a little confused to a few things as to why Luna did this, why she did it so easily, and why if Celestia was using her magic to slow the bleeding she was able to send the letter. As well as the slight rushed feeling.

Besides the fact, this is good so far. I hope to see an update in the near future.

[Beanzoboy]

6475758 Actually, I have the next 8 chapters written, and the final chapter, (not to mention four other story ideas) but due to lack of self-esteem, no feedback from anyone I've had read the chapters, and a general hatred of everything I do, I don't know if I'll actually post them. :( My biggest problem is that I'm so unhappy with my writing itself that I don't want others to see it until I'm happy with it. The problem being the fact that I'll probably NEVER be happy with my own writing. I really want to write a great story like some of the authors on the site, but I don't know if I'll ever be good enough to please myself, let alone anyone else. xD

[StormyVenture]

I'll cut to the chase and say that your writing could use work. It feels kind of rushed and the characters seem somewhat out of character. You should also work on visual spacing. When different characters are speaking, having an empty line between those respective parts of the text helps a lot. There are also many spots where it could use rephrasing so it sounds better and flows more fluidly.

Twilight seems awful hasty to jump to the conclusion that Luna attacked her sister. Unless we're talking alternate universe, then I would expect Twilight to be distressed at such thoughts and suspicious of outside threats/influences given Luna's apparent redemption. Luna is very different in her behavior than NMM in the show. Additionally, any buildup of the story/suspense is destroyed by a convenient, sealed scroll from Celestia indicating where to find her. It's rather incongruous and would make a better ploy to draw the mane six into an unguarded area where they would be vulnerable than a legitimate way for Celestia to get them to come find her. Even supposing that was what you meant, it's unlikely NMM (if she is truly the culprit) could have faked Celestia's writing and had she been able to force Celestia to do so, why would she allow Celestia to escape on her own, even to a known location? Celestia's words in conversing with Twilight also don't seem at all like her.

Take this piece:

“We have to take the hot air balloon to rescue her because the carriages are way too small to fit all of us and the princess. We can put the platform back on top of the balloon to give us extra space, and if we make the walls short, we can use them to elevate the princess's wounds to help control bleeding. We'll need to be in the hot air balloon when Rainbow gets back so we can't waste any time.”

I would advise changing 'We have to' to 'We'll need' (we will) since it makes more sense and saying 'we won't fit in the carriage with the princess, either'. In any case the whole chunk feels very stilted and not like a natural phrasing or even entirely like what Twilight would probably say. I think she would probably insist on doing something and then, only being asked to explain or made to quit rambling, so they could understand why. From a more aggressive standpoint, I'd say you should be less expository and should try to write things out as the characters do them.

I think there is certainly some potential in the plot of Princess Celestia being attacked, but a lot of things come into play with that. For instance, why would she have been caught unawares and why wouldn't she just stay at the castle?

The train ride didn't take long to get to Canterlot, and as they got off at the station they saw more ponies staring at the moon with the same puzzled expressions on their faces as the ponies in Ponyville.

Sort of off sides here, but the 'train ride' isn't something that can take time to get somewhere. That would be the train. A ride is an experience or moment of time here, not a physical object. Also, you don't really have to say 'at the station', it would suffice to say 'as they got off, they saw more ponies staring at the moon.' Further, reiterating the point about puzzled faces (it's not hard to imagine it would be puzzling/distressing) also isn't entirely necessary, In fact one might expect that they would be panicking/suffering hysteria. It would improve this part if you added some dialogue either between the other ponies (discussing things and what they might mean and/or how they're affecting life at the moment. Ponies, like people, probably gossip a lot and/or converse nervously when things are off kilter. They might also try to talk to the arriving mane six (who probably look like they have a purpose/goal and aren't as bothered by the moon/sun issue).
-----

As to self-esteem and readers not getting back to you, can't help you there. Try not to hate what you do. You won't be able to improve it if you can't be at least a little optimistic about it. Writing a great story is not so much something that happens, I think, as it is something you recognize in retrospect. That is, you see, after the fact, that you have written a great story. Most of those authors, unless they are merely talented, I would guess, have probably done more writing than you'll ever see on here.

It's hard to evaluate the quality of a story when there's only two chapters up...