• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 26th, 2019

LunaOriented


This is my account. I write upon demand.

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Twilight Sparkle from the Equestria Girls Universe is on her first day to Canterlot High when an accident knocks her through the veil into Equestria.
Instead of returning home she's decided she wants to live Twilight's life.

Chapter One: Edited and Highly revised for better reading. 09/06/13

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 17 )

Everything's nice except the transitioning it relt a bit odd

3163813 i second that, the idea's solid but the transitioning needs some work

Which transition or transitions? I need the feedback. If you could comment or Message me which part I can work on ironing that out.

I fixed the beginning and end transitions hoping this will make it smoother. I see it looks and feels like I rushed it.

3164020 the transition between her current situation into the flash back
And from the flash back to getting out of the room


You should also work on better details about how she Feels about her situation after reading the chapter the only feel i get from her is a little confusion
She is so cool with the fact that suddenly she a pony princess and is so nonchalant about it where is the fear of waking up in a foriegn place without any information about where is she and what is she anyway, the only biological differance she experianced is quad hooves walking she got a horn and two wings and didn't try them? The horn is kinda not obvios but the wings should have been tried .

good work, keep it up

I'll follow this and see how you work this out, since it could be seriously interesting

it's quick paced. seems abit like a filler since it lacks detail and goes by so fast. *sighs* i love the idea but it just needs to be rewritten. there are good points and i do like some of it.

CCC

Hmmm. An interesting idea.

It shouldn't be too hard for Twilight's friends to identify the real Twilight...

are you writing the story?

Right now after sound advice I am combining chapters and adding more content to the chapters for smoother transitions.

The reason its taking so long is I'm also working on my NanoWriMo outline for November.

My writing schedule is very full as I'm also working with Zoshe on his story.

Well, you could have worked better how she ended in Equestria, I think.

Well, what will happen when the two Twilights meet, will the universe explode two times?

Well, the 'fake' Twilight doesn't know a lot of things the 'real' Twilight does.

"Hey girls, what's up?" :twilightsheepish:
"An evil doppleganger twin of you came through an enchanted mirror and tricked us all into trusting her so that we would lead her to your most personal inner sanctum so that she could read all of your books. :pinkiegasp:
:twilightoops:

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