Dear Luna
Luna sighed and shook her head, sighing softly. Across the hall in her own bedroom, her sister was no doubt sleeping, having performed all of her duties for the day already. The night was her responsibility again now, which allowed her sister time to rest, time that her older sister held no shame in using to its best potential. One thing was sure, however, she relished in the chance to take responsibility again and prove her worth.
Slowly, Luna made her way to the royal throne room and opened the grand doors. It was that time of night again. It was time for her to read the mail that she had received. Luna loved getting to read what her subjects had to say, and getting to interact with them on a nightly basis… for the most part at least. Luna looked to her right to see her sister’s throne, various letters tossed into the designated ‘trash’ pile.
Those nobles are always asking for something… I wonder how many requests for farmland or tax cuts I’ll get today. Well, I know what more than half of these letters are going to be. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was to come in just a short few moments. She shook her head vigorously, trying to clear her thoughts. Any second now… A sharp, rhythmic knocking sounded throughout the room, originating from the large, ornate entrance doors.
Luna cleared her throat and drew a deep breath, beginning to speak in her royal Canterlot voice. “You may enter. This room is open for visitation.” Her words echoed all around her, causing her to grimace a bit at the volume of her own voice. The door opened with a small, cream colored pegasus making her way into the room, holding a bag full to the brim with letters and mail.
“Your highness, your royal mail is here,” the pegasus said, dragging the hefty bag forward towards the throne.
“Yes-” Luna stopped mid sentence, notice the grimace coming from the pony in front of her. She made a conscious effort to lower the volume of her voice, snickering a bit. “Apologies my dear mailmare, I did not realize I was still speaking so loudly. You may place the mail near the foot of the throne, then you are dismissed. I thank you for your service by the way. That bag must be quite heavy to carry for so long.” The mare nodded, heaving the bag up the steps and placing them next to the throne.
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, princess.” The mare bowed low to the ground, showing her respects for the princess of the night. “It’s not really as much of a burden as you might think it is. It’s unwieldy to hold, but it’s not very heavy at all.” The mare stood up from her kneeling position and turned to leave the room. “I hope that you have a very good night, princess.” With a final smile, the mare left the room, leaving Luna to her duties.
Luna sighed deeply and opened up the bag of mail, countless letters spilling out onto the tile floor and coating it like a layer of carpet. And all of these must be read and addressed by six o’clock tomorrow morning… This is certainly going to be a long night, isn’t it? Luna’s horn shined with a midnight blue hue as she used her magic to pick up one of the letters on the top of the pile. She opened it, taking a good look at the contents of the letter. Oh boy… A nobleman requesting acquisition of the marshlands to the east. Well, that’s an easy answer at least.
Luna levitated a quill and a piece of parchment over to where she was sitting. She began to transcribe a response to the letter, thinking allowed as she did so. “Dear Greedy Needy, I regret to inform you that we cannot grant your request for the marshlands. As you well know, those are being used as wildlife preservation areas for the friendly creatures that inhabit them. They have a right to it, as it is their homeland. We formally request that you cease your operations for construction immediately, and pick another building site. We are told that there is a large mountainside to the east that would suit your plans nicely. Sincerely, Princess Luna”
She put her final touches into the letter and then sent it off with another glow of her horn. The nobles were always asking for land that they couldn’t have. Will they ever learn? And what kind of a name is Greedy Needy? His parents must have really disliked him… We must have rejected at least forty different requests all regarding this same issue. Oh well I suppose. On to the next letter. Luna lit her horn once more, pulling a rather fancy looking letter out of the bag. The letter had golden borders, and was made from a fine quality parchment.
“Ah! An ambassador’s letter!” Luna opened the letter immediately, skimming over it.
Dear Princess Luna,
The ambassador of the minotaur nations would like to request a formal meeting with you to discuss the terms of our recent alliance treaty. Please respond as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Strong Will the Courageous
Luna quickly conjured up another piece of parchment. She began to write another letter, this time giving the ambassador a positive response and informing him that she would like to schedule a meeting between them. Strong Will’s letter was short and to the point, but he never was one for unnecessary words. Just as straightforward as ever Strong Will. I can’t wait to meet you again after so long. Luna smiled. She’d always liked Strong Will. They’d been friends so long ago…
Luna shook her head to clear the thoughts, and with another burst of magic, the letter was sent to its intended destination. She drew another letter from the pile. Something about this one seemed different. It was a little more shriveled and a lower quality than the previous letters that she’d received. The hoof writing on the envelope was shaky and written in a lower quality ink. Luna took in a deep breath and prepared herself to open the letter. “Oh…” was all that she could say.
She opened the letter and began to read it. The first thing that caught her eye was the sloppy nature of the writing, almost as if the author’s hoof had been shaking the entire time while writing it. Something in the back of her mind clicked, but she decided to read on anyway. She’d promised to read every single letter, and she was going to make good on that promise. Slowly, she began to read the letter, taking in every single word.
Dear Princess Luna,
Hello. My name is Clear Skies… I’ve wanted to write this letter for a long time now, but it’s been kind of hard. I really didn’t know what exactly I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to say it either… But dad says that if there was ever a time to do it, the time is now. I’m sorry for the really messy hoof-writing by the way. It’s kind of hard to write when my hoof keeps shaking like this. Dad has to hold my hoof to keep it steady while I write, but it still shakes a little bit. He offered to write it for me, but I didn’t want that. Then this letter wouldn’t be as special, and it wouldn’t be that same as if I had written it.
I just wanted to write you to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me… I’ve been sick for a long time now, ever since I was a little colt. Dad always said that he knew that I’d get better soon, but I could see the sadness behind his eyes everytime… But I’m not sad. I’m happy, Princess Luna, and I wanted to thank you for that. I guess that I should explain what I mean by that. You’re probably pretty confused, since you’ve never actually met me. Still, you’ve done so much.
There were so many times… So many times when I would stay up at night, crying and scared. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much it hurt, and how I was going to die. Then I would look up and out of my window, and see your night sky. It was so beautiful! There were so many bright stars, and constellations! I remember that every night, I would stare and them for hours and feel better, knowing that somepony was watching over me, making the night sky brighter just for ponies like me.
How do you do it, Princess Luna? How do you make the night sky so beautiful? How do you put all of those stars and constellations in the right places every night and make it look like it’s been there forever? Dad says that it’s because you’re one of the most powerful ponies in the land, and that your magic is what lets you do it. That makes me happy. Knowing that I have somepony so powerful watching over me from up there…
I don’t really think that I have a lot of time left, but I just wanted to say, princess… Thank you. Thank you so much. You gave me hope when I felt scared and alone. You gave me a light in the night sky to keep you strong. I know you’re probably really busy with other important things, and you might not read this letter, but it still makes me smile to think that you might. And the best part? I’m not scared anymore! Dad says that I’ll be able to go up there, and join all of the other stars, and that you’ll watch over me! You’re the best ruler ever Princess Luna! Thank you for everything. I’m going to leave it off here now. I’m getting kind of tired, and it hurts to write so much.
Your subject,
Clear Skies
Luna sighed and wiped a tear from under her eyes. Carefully, she moved the letter apart from the others, placing it on the throne next to hers. She felt an overwhelming feeling wash over her, the love from her subject filling her with pride and joy. But she also felt… sadness. It was like she was falling from some great height, unable to spread her mighty wings. Her stomach churned. The passing of a child never got easier, even though she had lived through too many to count.
She thought about what the colt had said about returning to sky. About Luna watching over him… Her horn shone once again with its soothing blue light, but this time the magic extended outwards towards the sky. In a patch of the sky that was still black emptiness, a star flickered to life, shining slightly downwards and casting its cool glow across Equestria. There you go, Clear Skies… Your wish is fulfilled. I’ll watch over you now. There will be no more pain or sorrow or longing. I pray that you find a happiness, that you never got to experience here.
Luna sniffled a bit, wiping her eyes once again. She shuffled in her sitting position, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself and regain her composure. Once again, she looked like a regal princess, sturdy and willful. She turned her gaze towards the pile of letters, eyeing them carefully. She picked another one up, similar in condition, opening it quickly and releasing a heavy sigh.
Luna looked stood on a balcony of the castle, staring off into the distance. From down below, ponies that were still awake could hear the goddess of the night, singing a sad, soft tune. The ponies that were already asleep shifted in their beds, dreaming happily, filled with thoughts of love and warmth, but also a subtle feeling of lingering regret. Luna simply looked up into her night sky, staring straight ahead.
High above Equestria were fourteen new stars, casting their light down onto the world below. They danced and frolicked together in their new constellation, making Luna’s night sky look even more beautiful and vivid than ever before. Colts and fillies who couldn’t sleep gazed lovingly at her stars, feeling a sense of calm and comfort wash over them. But Luna only felt sadness. She finished her sad tune, stepping back into the castle. She knew that she’d do the same thing tomorrow night, and every night for centuries.
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yup. sad,and heartwarming and awesome. best princess is now better.
good job. i must now wipe the last of my masculinity off my cheeks. hope my wife wont mind that ive become a little girl.
You have cause the magical liquid pride to show itself upon my face. Wonderful story.
Short and bitter sweet.
Perhaps one day I'll be able to do a reading of this as well.
Bookmarked dear Author for the future.
Great story.
I now sport a sadface.
<Insert gif with the word 'feels' here>
This must be featured.
Very simple but also very touching. Liquid pride. :)
So touching.
I love it
This wasn't very satisfying. It just seems like sadness porn.
If there's some deeper meaning, interesting characterization, personal growth, conflict, allegory, moral, or anything else I've missed then I'd love someone to point it out for me.
Delivery is not very convincing. It's clearly supposed to be emotionally moving, but I'm just not feeling it. The first quarter of the story is spent complaining about nobles and it comes across as a political statement. By the time you get around to addressing the actual subject of the story, Clear Skies, the reader is roughly halfway through the story. The letter itself is heavy-handed and not very clear. Why is he dying? Why do Luna's stars make him feel better? It's never explained. He says he feels safe having someone so powerful watch over him, but what about this is unique to Luna? Why is he especially grateful to her rather than Celestia? For this to work there needs to be some sort of connection, and I'm just not seeing one. Then immediately after finishing the letter, he dies. I realize there's supposed to be a time shift...but apparently Luna read the letter from the dying young colt, and didn't care about it enough to look into the situation to find out why he was dying, didn't care enough to try to help, didn't care enough to visit him, didn't even care enough to write a letter back...and you the author apparently didn't care enough to write anything between the letter and him dying. How did he die? Why did he die? We don't know, and ultimately I'm left having difficulty caring, because neither Luna nor you, the author, seem to care.
Then he's dead, and you further diminish his death by implying that 14 others died too. And all Luna does is just sit around and be sad about it. Ok, well...so much for looking after anypony if she's just going to sit around and let them die and be sad about it. Which ultimately just leaves me feeling like Clear Skies faith in Luna was misplaced.
This is clearly trying to be an emotional piece...but I'm really not feeling it.
You got me right in the feels with this one...
I know this was supposed to be emotional, but I honestly couldn't care less about what was going on. For one thing, the death of Clear Skies was emotional on it's own, but then it's shown that 13 others have died, making his death seem not that special, since children die every night, and each will get their own star. Honestly, if you left that part out, this would've been more emotionally gripping. However, I will say that this is an okay story, and I can at least see that you're really trying here.
Congrats on the feature!
Good story. I agree with some of the others, it doesn't have as much feels as it certainly could have, but it certainly is a touching story.
I salute you! Have a Spikestache.
FEEEEELS D=
Usually, i add stories to fav's to read them later (Yes, i know about "read later", but don't truly trust it)... But this one... I really liked it. Liked, Faved and Followed. And Moustached
I see where you got this inspiration from, and I approve. Like'd and faved.
3159354>>3159422>>3159593
I thank you all for your honest criticisms. Every single point that you brought up was very true, and I'm going to try and improve my next sad/slice of life story. I've been trying to practice and work the kinks out, so I know that right now it's not exactly the best, but I'll try to make it better in the future with what y'all have told me!
The focus was never really supposed to be on Clear Skies or his death as much it was supposed to be on Luna. It's sort of supposed to be going through an average night in her life, with her going through all the motions. Clear Skies deathbed letter, while sad, is an everyday occurrence. Luna can't just bring him back from the brink of the dead or anything; she knows that it's too late for them. Luna's used to it, and multiple instances happen like this every night, so she's sort of gotten used to it a bit.
As for the letter? I tried to make it sound like a kid on his deathbed was writing it. Less coherent, and not overly explaining, because his mind is sort of clouded and he doesn't exactly know the words to describe what he feels. It's all passion, and I figured if I made it more eloquent, that it would detract from the piece. The story is not supposed to be about the tragedy of the death of masses of children, but of Luna having to go through the same thing every night.
I'm sorry that I didn't live up to your expectations with this story, but hopefully I can improve and do so in the next one! I'm going to take everything you guys have said and try to improve upon it, but thank you very much for the honest criticisms. Anything that I can do to help myself become better and make it more enjoyable for y'all is greatly appreciated!
You should evolve this into a story about Luna's emotional evolution.
Wait, Greedy Needy wanted the Marsh that was east. But Luna said there were some mountains to build on in the east also. How could they both be in the same place?
3160302
The mountain is either farther or nearer than the marsh. For example, St Louis is West of my location, but so is LA.
Am I really the first person to point out that ponies write with their mouths, not their hooves?
3160497
Looking at the map, I see the swamps down South East, if the author wanted mountains he would eaither take the ones near Baltimare or Foal Mountain. Then again, Foal mountain is a bit close to be offered that, and the ones near Baltimare are probably use by mountain climbing ponies.
But, then again, this is fanfiction so anyone can change it to what they like!
It's interesting to see what other authors think of Luna. Your story was a cute little read.
Despite the criticism, congrats on the Featured, man. I always said you'd make it.
Now you've just gotta do it again. You've proven you've got the skills, now ride the momentum and shoot for the stars!
Wow. That was... really great, but depressing.
3159821
I liked it. I could see what you were going for and you got three others that gave you useful critique.
Here's another: "Luna looked stood on a balcony of the castle, staring off into the distance."
Also, I sincerely apologize for this but I couldn't resist.
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Are+you+feeling+it+mr+krabs&start=97&safe=strict&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=643&tbm=isch&tbnid=yuQrS3WVDNmZ4M:&imgrefurl=http://www.memecenter.com/fun/1382133/are-you-feeling-it-now-mr-krabs&docid=6asshzrbrUFTtM&imgurl=http://global3.memecdn.com/are-you-feeling-it-now-mr-krabs_o_1382133.jpg&w=500&h=364&ei=2ispUre7K5CrjALB4IDYDw&zoom=1&ved=1t:3588,r:5,s:100,i:19&iact=rc&page=5&tbnh=170&tbnw=234&ndsp=28&tx=136&ty=70
First thing that popped into my head.
It never occurred to me that Luna would also be the marshal of death. A beautiful but sad read. Congratulations.
>>>Just as straightforward as ever Strong Will. I can’t wait to meet you again after so long.>>> The minotaurs also live over a thousand years?
I agree with Lord Bucket, the first half of the story wastes far too much time on matters with no relevance, then the melodramatic letter occurs with no action from Luna whatsoever, foal dies, becomes star along with 13 other unnamed foals, Luna has a sad, and it's over.
The letter also didn't feel very believable. It felt like exactly what it is: an adult trying to pretend to write like a child. And then that's it. There no time for reflection, nothing of Luna's inner thoughts, nothing said at all about how she dealt with this in the past and what, if any, influence her time spent as Nightmare Moon had.
Also missed is the implication that Celestia had to take over this job for a thousand years during Luna's banishment.
Finally, if Luna is responsible for turning dead pony souls into stars, does Celestia do the opposite? Bring back the souls for reincarnation? Because if every pony became a star and stayed up there... the night sky would be rather crowded in Equestria by now.
This story needed much less time spent of Luna getting to the letter, the letter itself need to be mucyh shorter, more to the point, more timid and uncertain... more like a real child knowing he's going to die and not understanding.
And then the bulk of the story, if it's going to focus on Luna's emotional state... needs to focus on Luna's emotional state. We need more from her, more reaction, more internalization.
As it is, it's all surface feeling with nothing supporting it underneath.
3162568
Very true. I agree with all of your criticisms of my story. I tried to leave stuff like what he's dying from and all that non-descript. I kind of wanted to show that it doesn't really matter, because the stuff happens everyday anyway, and Luna's just going through the motions. But... I will take your advice to heart. I do need to delve deeper into the minds of the characters in the future, and think more about what I can do with the premise. I'm still trying to work out the kinks when I write for feels. As for Celestia having had to take over the role for a thousand years? I didn't want to outright state 'OH LOOK WHAT CELESTIA HAD TO DO SO SAD BOOHOO'. I wanted it to be something that was implied by its lack of mentioning, and something that the reader had to think about. But I guess I sort of failed there. I'll try not to disappoint you in the future.
3162568
You've articulated something I felt too. To me, the kid sounded like a total dick
Because he was clearly trying to punch Luna right in her feels :p Would an actual child, or even an adult, spend half their letter to their hero complaining about how miserable they are? :p
"My name is Clear Skies…"
My first thought was
3159821
I don't know what everybody else is saying about this not being that good. I thought its impact was spot on. I liked how you showed us what was going on, instead of telling us. To me, that's what makes a good concept great.
3168335
I agree, this story gave me feels, and I absolutely loved it.
3165349 nuuuuu I just got over that scene in the manga
Dear Luna so many feels.
But such a beautiful story. 
3165349
...
Dick
Alondro pretty much summed up what I was going to say. I was confused about the long-lived Minotaur as well. I also think you could stand to work on Luna's diction—she seems to try to talk in the first person, but still uses thees and thous.
Also, read the first sentence. Done? Now facehoof. ;)
The story overall was a pretty good read, but it was a bit unrealistic. Singing sadly for centuries over fourteen dead foals?
3447621
Well, I was kinda tryin' to imply that this was a common occurrence, and people die every night. But this was my first sadfic, so I guess I didn't do that great a job at it XD