Chapter 1 "First Down"
Equestria Noir 2
Case 3
“Falldown Touchdown”
By Jacoboby1
Chapter 1
“First Down”
Manehatten has thirty five stadiums, half a million restaurants, just as many dance hall, a park so big they dedicate an entire part of the city to it…
And where does my lovely wife decide we should go when we got a chance to visit?
The Equestrian Museum of Natural History. Mind you, it had been interesting. All those ancient creatures, and fossils on display. Never mind the dioramas of the ancient civilizations of the Tribes in the Pre-Equestrian era. The cultures, back then, were far more diverse than one would believe from the Hearth’s Warming play. We then wandered to the new Crystal Empire wing. They really went all out, here, making it look really authentic. A lot of crystals were used in the architecture. They had to have used the artizens of the Empire to construct it so perfectly. Never mind the history of the Empire itself shown in displays, and items. The flugel horns were even on display, with a sign telling ponies not to touch them. Good thing Pinkie Pie wasn’t here. She loved those things. Finally there was a display on the defeat of Sombra, and everypony’s part in it. The amethyst and green quartz statue of Spike was a nice touch.
“Oh my gosh, that was so amazing!” Twilight squealed as we exited. “I got so many notes! I could write a whole history textbook from what I learned.”
I smiled as we both sat on the steps of the museum, eating our lunch of veggie patties and hay fries. “You know, you really should consider writing a book yourself.”
Twilight blushed and said, “Nah, I mean, what would I write about?”
“Maybe a sweeping drama about serving alongside a detective?” I grinned.
Twilight laughed. “Maybe, if I ever get around to writing my memoirs.”
I put all the garbage from our lunch and picked it up in my magic. “I’ll toss this away.”
I walked over to a nearby garbage drop off, stuffing the food bag inside a garbage bag while nopony was looking. Then, I looked at a newspaper box. I saw the headline…
Two Ponies Mysteriously Murdered
I put a bit in the slot and pulled out the paper and opened it.
The police are concerned about the recent murders of two ponies in as many weeks. The first was Lord Tabletop, who tried to assassinate Lord Blueblood. The stallion was killed while serving his time for attempted murder. Police stated that the body was found inside the visiting area of the prison. No footage of the crime was captured, because the cameras were malfunctioning at the time due to a strange power outage.
The second murder comes as a startling new development in the story of the foal trafficking ring discovered, last week. While unwilling accomplice Tappy Hoof is serving her time in prison after being convicted of involuntary pony slaughter, the wife of known trafficker Prickly Hoof had been missing until she was found, yesterday, in Central Park. She had been stabbed several times and scalped.
When asked to comment about the situation, new chief of police Gunry Insight had this to say:
“We are doing everything in our power to find the monsters that did this. There is a system in place for a reason. I will not have some damn lunatic run around thinking he can just kill whoever he pleases.”
The Chief also advises citizens of Equestria to remain cautious until the killer is found, and refuses to comment as of yet over suspects and potential leads.
Ivy and Tabletop were both murdered? But, why? They were serving their time. They both got guilty sentences in court, did somepony really have such a grudge against them both?
“Private?” Twilight called, walking over to me. I gave her the paper and she her eyes scanned it. She put a hoof to her mouth, starting to look sick. “That’s, horrible. Who would scalp a pony?”
“Somepony who really didn’t like Ivy,” I pointed out. “Or Tabletop for that matter.”
“How can they be related?” Twilight asked. putting a hoof to her chin.
“No idea,” I sighed. “Maybe we should head back home and check out if there’s any connection.”
I left the paper for some homeless pony to pick up and use as a blanket later. Twilight and I walked down the street and we found ourselves at Minutes Square. It was an amazing display of magical technology. The glowing signs, advertising various plays occurring on Broadway, and the multitude of products available in the various shops around the city. There was even a giant screen showing a hoofball game. I pondered taking Twilight to a show, and wondered which one she’d like to see. A colorful flier stapled to a nearby utility pole attracted my attention. The Tyrant Celestia Variety Show? What the hay is that? Before I could ponder it any further, I had to turn my attention to my beloved.
Twilight looked around the place, and almost got ran over as she tried to cross the street. “How is it you manage to get through this place without bumping into everypony?”
I smirked a little, and trotted into the middle to show her. “Walk tall, act like you own the place, and ignore all forms of traffic laws.”
Twilight and I looked up at the screen showcasing the latest Hoofball game. I was never much interested in sports, I never had the talent nor the athletic ability to be any good. Mom’s side of the family are avid sports fans however. Come to think of it.. .I haven’t talked to them in a while…
“This just in!”
I turned around and saw a television store showcasing a broadcast. The newspony was speaking, “Marty Ball, Star Hoofball player for our own Manehatten Mustangs, has been found murdered in his locker room! Police are there right now and are currently investigating. Some officers are speculating it has something to do with the recent game against the Canterlot Royals.”
Twilight and I looked at each other, “Looks like we got a case.”
“Lead the way,” Twilight said, “You’re the Manehattener after all.”
With that, we both ran towards the Mustang Stadium.
_______________________________________________________________
It wasn’t difficult to find out where the crime scene was. Police carriages blocked the entrance to the stadium as Twilight and I came up to it. Hundreds of officers were pouring over the place. The stadium itself was large, bigger than most of the buildings in Manehatten. Goes to show you just how crazy ponies can get about a ball game.
Twilight and I had to push and shove our way through a crowd of onlookers. Many of them were shouting curses towards Marty Ball. I tapped one stallion on the shoulder, “You have any idea what happened?”
The stallion angrily spoke, “What happened? Marty choked! Literally! I lost a hundred bits because of his little stunt!”
“Stunt?” I asked.
“Damn idiot walked into the other team’s side of the field like he was strolling through the park. He fumbled three times and barely even tried to tackle a player! His play was lousy and it’s his fault I can’t pay rent!” He shouted.
Because clearly it was perfectly logical to gamble your hard earned money away on a game. I’ll never understand ponies who do this.
Twilight got a hold of me and used her teleportation spell to get us on the other side of the police barrier. I shook my head to get the whoozieness out of it. Twilight and I got to our hooves as we saw a familiar yellow pony come over. It was the same pony who was at Ponyville during Tappy’s case. “Yang, was it?” I asked.
“That’s right,” she said with a nod. “Once again I find both of you running over where there’s a murder.” She looked at Twilight. “Don’t you have some princessing to do or something?”
“I’m on vacation,” Twilight said with an innocent smile.
Yang raised an eyebrow, “Odd way to spend a vacation.”
“Look, could you point us to where the body is?” I asked.
“I dunno,” Yang shook her head, “I might get in trouble.”
“Yang we’re here to help,” Twilight said earnestly.
Slowly the uniform nodded, “My mama always taught me to trust ponies when they do right. You’ve both helped a lot with that Tappy girl’s case. I reckon you both can help out with this.”
“Great, lead us to the body,” I said.
As Yang turned to lead us I couldn’t help but hear her mutter, “Royals…”
_________________________________________________________________
The smell of stale sweat, and unwashed laundry hit us in the face as we entered. This smelled very familiar. Like my high school gym locker room, but much more pungent. Lockers in the team’s colors lined the walls, and there were benches to help the stallions, here, put on their hoof ball shoes. They only wore them on their hind legs, leaving their forelegs free to manipulate the ball. Chalkboard was on the far wall, marked with the exes and ohs of plays being planned out.
Forensics ponies were pouring over the area. I saw Forceps once again over a body as it was leaning against a locker. The stallion was large and muscular, with a bright orange coat and a long brown mane. His cutie mark obviously showcased a hoofball. He was clad in a jersey and what had to be his helmet was laying down beside him. I noticed a large bullet hole in his chest, blood seeping out of it.
Forceps smiled up at us, “Glad to see ya both, I was afraid it was just going to be me and the stiff this time. Not much of a talker but they always listen real good.”
I rolled my eyes at his attempt at humor. I walked over to the stallion. “What have we got?”
Forceps talked as I examined the body. “This fella is Marty Ball, star of the Manehatten Mustangs for over twelve years. Damn shame his career ended on such a sour note though.”
“What can you tell me about a cause of death?” I asked.
He pointed to the bullet hole, “I’d say .44 magnum judging by the size. Blasted the fella in the stomach as he was sitting down on that bench.” He pointed to one of the benches about a foot or two away from the locker. “Fell over onto the ground and bled out.”
“Did you find the bullet?” I asked.
“Haven’t dug it out yet,” Forceps smiled. “Wanna watch?”
“I just ate thank you,” I said, looking at the bullet wound. I’d say it was a .44, had to have been a powerful gun to send him flying back into the locker. Maybe a revolver or something of that kind?
“Any luck finding the weapon?” I asked.
“No brass casing, just the bullet we have to dig out.” Forceps said, “As for the weapon itself we’re turning the place upside down and haven’t found it yet.”
That can mean two things, either the killer dropped the gun in an obscure place, or he still has it. The latter honestly will make finding the criminal a little easier in the long run. As being caught with the weapon doesn’t exactly put you in the best position.
“Keep an eye out for it,” I said. “Where’s Ball’s locker?”
Forceps pointed to an open locker and I saw three objects laid on a mat with little numbers next to them. Had to be evidence.
The first object was a large knife, one of those kinds that flick open. I looked it over, carrying it in my covered hooves. I opened the knife, no blood was on it. “Expecting trouble Ball?” I set the knife down.
The second object was a wallet. I picked it up, and opened it. Aside from a lot of credit cards there was only a few bits in his wallet. No I.D. either. “Well, he wasn’t robbed that’s for sure. Though I doubt anypony would want to break into a locker room just to steal a few bits and credit cards off a sports star.”
The last object was a simple envelope. I looked at the address on it.
Hazy Spot
2545 East Marion Road
Hoofington, Equestria 7895
“Anypony know a Hazy Spot?” I asked, Twilight looking at the envelope over my shoulder.
Twilight shrugged, “Hoofington is more remote than Ponyville, I wouldn’t know anypony from there.”
I opened the envelop. “It’s empty, and it looks like somepony ripped it open.”
“So we can get our criminal on murder and looking through somepony’s mail?” Twilight said with a raised eyebrow.
I looked over at Forceps, “Any luck with cameras?”
“Not yet,” Forceps shook his head, “Still having the techies sort through it all.”
Forceps went back to examine the body. Twilight and I looked to each other, “You think somepony got mad at him for throwing the game like that?” Twilight guessed.
“It’s possible,” I said, putting a hoof to my chin. “I know I would be mad if somepony lost me a lot of money. Could be that he got into some kind of deal and was forced to lose.”
“Than he ends up dead here,” Twilight said. “But, this just seems too simple. Something else is going on, remember the knife and the note?”
“He was expecting trouble,” I concluded. “Sadly that knife didn’t help him much in the end.”
“Just what kind of trouble could he have gotten into?” Twilight asked.
“The kind that gets you killed…” I said, looking at the corpse.
“What the hell is going on here?!”
Twilight and I turned at the sound of a very loud and rough voice. The unicorn stallion standing before me was about as old as my dad. He had a deep tannish coat with mane that tried to hold onto it’s brown shading before going completely grey. His eyes were a steely blue and showed an uncompromising look. He was wearing a police officer's uniform, judging by the decorations… I’d say he was of pretty high rank…
Forceps stood up next to me, “Chief, came to see the stiff too?”
“Can it you bag of bones,” the stallion said, very rudely I might add. “I want to know what a princess and a private detective are doing at my crime scene?”
“Oh,” Forceps pointed to us, and began to say, “This is Twilig-”
“I know who she is,” The stallion interjected, “I also know who you are.” He gave a steel hard glare at me.
I spoke up, “Detective Private Eye.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked with a stormy expression on his face..
“Solving a case, what does it look like?” I replied.
“Listen here, I don’t want any smart ass comments out of you,” he said, walking up to me and glaring at me right in the eyes. “So, from now on you just answer the question, in military style, with a simple sir at the end.”
I glared back at him, not backing down. “I’ll agree to answer the question, but ponies have to earn the right to be called sir by me.”
I know it wasn’t what he wanted. But I hated hard asses, and I wanted to make that abundantly clear to him.
“You’re the two-bit gumshoe who goes snooping into official police business…” he said, glaring at me. “Worse than a wet-behind-the-ears rookie, and about useless as a chocolate gun. We don’t need your kind here, gumshoe.”
“If by snooping, you mean solve the cases your detectives can’t, then yes,” I said, there was just something I didn’t like about this guy.
“You have no authorization to be here, and the officer that brought you back here will be disciplined,” he said.
“Well, Badge was more than happy to let me do my own thing. So long as the case was solved,” I answered.
“I’m not Shinebadge. Shinebadge was a spineless coward who let ponies like you walk all over him. He didn’t have the guts to tell you to fornicate off, nor could he see corruption in the ranks,” he said firmly, and stood tall. “The name is Police Chief Gunry Insight, I don’t know what deal you had with him, but I do not tolerate private detectives pretending like they’re real cops. Especially one that threw away his career in the police force to become the lowest kind of scum in Equestria: An undisciplined, snotty-nosed, good-for-nothing private detective.”
“Excuse me.” Twilight got between us. “Private may not be officially authorized, but as a Princess of Equestria I can make it so.”
“You may not want to,” Insight looked at me, “After all, would you really lend credence to a murder suspect?”
“A what now?” I asked, tilting my head.
“See, I found it odd that both Tabletop and Ivy were found dead within weeks of each other,” Insight said smirking. “Both of those cases, were under your watch. And you are well known for thinking that the justice system in Equestria is not hard enough on the higher class criminals. Known for thinking that it’s not fair that they can try and buy their way out of jail.”
“Just what are you saying?” I growled, my voice dangerously low.
“That you, Private Eye...” Insight smirked wider, “are under suspicion of murdering both of them. Your prejudices give you the best motive. And the irony is that you would be using the very same methods that your victims were going to use to get out of trouble. I hope you like stripes...”
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Oh god...It's rare I feel genuine rage but....This new chief....God damn......
Also, I'm expecting a side story in due time.
I really don't like this new chief...What are the chances he's part of the big conspiracy?
Another great chapter can't wait for the next one.
I know it's early but I already hate police chief Gunry Insight.
I already hate this guy. Just... f*** him!!
...
HOLY SHIT I HATE THIS GUY!!!
I think it was him.
And our new jerkass introduces himself by promptly failing Investigation 101 whereby he seems to think that possessing motive is sufficiently damning evidence in and of itself, particularly since, if we're going by motive, both the victims have lines of ponies with plenty of motive to go after them that go around the block...twice. So...how precisely did this guy end up in charge of the police?
Before even seeing this story, I can see why Private has such a .....colorful.....view on Vice, his old stomping grounds.
No wonder he was more than willing to leave Manehatten for Ponyville.....
Damn that Schottenheiner!!! How in the hell can a coach like him has so much talent for all that time, and choke every single time?!! The Drive, The Fumble, 4th down vs. Denver in the '97 playoffs, the 2004 Chargers (one and done)--the list goes on!!
I'm really glad you took the idea in exploring more of the Big Apple, plus this is going to get very interesting...
If you're gonna try to find a Equestria Noir police chief that I like...
...You're gonna have a bad time.
Can't they make Private the police chief and increase their efficiency from the bowels of the bloody ground, already?!
Celestia's Sun and Luna's Moon... Private just can't catch a break can he... oh well... that's typical of the people who do the right thing, everybody else just assumes they're in it for themselves and have some kind of angle... good thing Private's got friends in both high and low places... and I really, REALLY hope this new chief is in on this conspiracy cause I already don't like him.
Also, for some reason, I keep seeing a future were Private's tombstone reads something along the lines of what Harry Dresden's Tombstone reads >.>
Great. I'll bet this f***tard of a chief will probably do something to try and frame Private of anything and everything.
Oh, and who else read 'gumshoe' and immediately thought of Detective Dick Gumshoe from Ace Attorney?
Well we just meet the chief and I already dislike him for being an ass.
I f*cking hate this new chief, and that's an understatement
who do he think he is? Master Chief?
3136502 me
3133228 Me too. And he doesn't seem to have much insight despite his name^^
3133804 probably kissed a lot of ass and intimidated the rest with his over the top attitude...i would like to see a bit of hard evidence to back up his claim though, and 'me no likie Private doing my job but better' is gonna cut it...
although i could tell the new chief would love nothing better than to watch private behind bars for the rest of his life, i can feel that that might not happen...well, at least not as easily and quickly as the chief would like. looking forward to more interactions between the two of them.
The chief better die a horrible death in this case or I'll rage.
Oh dear god, I thought we were done with assholes like Vegas and Thatcher when their time had come. Now we have a chief who hates Private...just peachy.
3319368 Too bad Twillight din't learn the Send-To-The-Moon spell.
...Or the banhammer, but would it work in Equestria?
Wow! This new police chief is a BEOTCH! wait....since Private is a knight doesn't that mean he outranks the chief?
I think so also can I kill this bitch?
no. let's see how this plays out. Knowing Private he'll be fine
Fine but if this guy thinks he can put Private in jail he is sorely mistaken
3132972 more like an entire case
private is a knight, an element harmony and the go to detective of princess celestia surely he outranks this guy and twilights a fucking princess the chief has no right to disobey her