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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Atleast 2 new chapters will be uploaded Sunday evening ( CET ) and they will be longer
Shoot away your critics
And of course post the shippings you wish me to write
...Oh god. Ponyville is gonna become the next setting of the Ka-Mare-Sutra.
There is a load of errors for this story which I can't explain all in one go, but I'll try.
There is loads of spelling and grammatical errors found nearly everywhere, I'd suggest you need to download a spell-checker or atleast find someone who is willing to edit the story for you and fix up the holes in the quilt.
The pacing is awkwardly fast, I can't really get into the story if it doesn't slow down and get into detail about what is going on and how the characters feel when they are in certain situations. You need to slow down the story and add more description into what the characters are doing.
The stories description doesn't really explain much, and nor does the story in itself.
I read through the entire first chapter and I read something about water and it had some steroids in it, but that was it. You didn't really go into detail or explain how or what made it work at all. You need to explain these things to help shape up the story.
If you are looking for a shipping chapter, just tell me what is the limits and stuff.
No Pedophilia?, Incest? stuff like that so no one can get their hands of a chapter that might downrate the story.
....this wont end well
It's... interesting, to say the least. The sentence structure was a bit off at times, but other than that, good. I'd advise you to double-space between paragraphs. Tracked, just to see where it's going.
LOL. I would leave it a that, but you may think I was insulting you, so I actually think this is kinda funny. I don't think ill read more then the first chapter because...Well, clop. I don't mind it if there's an emotional connection between the characters, but anyway im rambling. First chapter was pretty interesting. Ill just leave a thumb up and go visit my own little world. But hey, if you happen to post a VinylxTwilight. I would be willing to read it.
252088 Sadly I've started learning English quite late so this might be an explanation why I made so many grammatical errors but there's a buddy of mine who would be willing to check it
As for the fast pace it's a result of me writing this in fifteen minutes because my laptop battery was running low
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it and I'll do my best to improve my writing
All I can think ofnow is the MASSIVE amount of SHIPPING heading this way.
Everypony x Everypony
Not bad. Tracking
o ditzy
good story so far
I smell shennanigans...
And sex.
Must has DitzyDoc and CheeriMac!
WoW i lol'd so hard when she asked him "the question"
anyways, it coming up to look really nice.
And i'm also sorry for whats happenning at your school
hope you have good luck....
re futa pairing same sex or straight? i googled it and found a lot of S&%$
Oh this is going somewhere good
Dat gif.
271025 Hehe Te gusta ?
271133 ¡MÉ GUSTA MUCHO!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/191/809/me_gusta_mucho_by_megustamuchoplz-d416uqk.png?1319690633
Чоц кйюш іт¡
271194 That Isn't Me Gusta face
Who would bother to write a letter if they were busy anyway?
There must be more soon or baaad things will happen
Dis gun B' good!
0.O.....Fuck Yeah!!!!! if you dont mind me asking what got you kicked out of your last school.
383123
I had an argument with my math teacher because he'd called me a cheating bastard. It came down to insults and I called him a worthless piece of crap and uh well he didn't take it so lightly.
He tried to hit me but since I am quite proficient in self-defense I kinda broke his right arm on three spots. No formal complaint was made since I had enough witnesses who could give every detail. Sadly I was asked to leave the school and find another one. My country is small so quite quickly the word got out to all schools. As a result, only an extremely difficult one accepted me under the conditions I previously named.
383143 Wow that sounds sad as well as bad ass good luck and good story.
383143 Reminds me of college except hitting the teacher I had sex with her. She was 20 by the way... somehow still a teacher.
384304 umm AWKWARD
lol oh derpy you did it agein :P
wait does this mean the doctor will have some fun with his assitant? >:P
384304 Not sure if badass or awkward
384304 Sarcasm!
That wasn't her G-spot. THAT is located inside the 'love tunnel'
interesting fic, please continue
and will Celestia join in on the fun? 
Q: will there be more TwiSpike love?
twilight is gonna get tenderly loved (aka raped)
Oh trust me if you want ships, I say get ready to set sail. Just be ready for captain spike to work overtime.
After a hard days work at the mayors office spike goes to the spa to unwind then stops by everyponies favorite bakery for some delicious pie before stopping in a lush field to play with some butterflys, and that is just DAY 1. In the afternoon he goes to the school for some higher learning with the teacher and the local librarian, before heading out to the forest to get some pain relieved from the resident alchemist. Finally to cap the night off he has a double date with a farm beauty and a lovely polychromatic blur. Before heading off to bed he meets the librarian once again an they continue the "conversation" from their previous encounter.
It was really well written, but I think at the end, Spike's dialogue should have been a bit more nervous sounding, like for instance, add more ellipses("...") to the 'less innocent' parts of the conversation, because, come on: who could possibly have a conversation like that as casually as he just did?
And replace the "well, duh..." with something like "well, um... y-yeah..." and make him stutter a bit, because heis a bit confused, right?
Just a little tip, but overall, I think it will be a pretty good story
Here's a few ships:
AppleDash, FlutterCord, Twixie, CheeriMac, ScootaBelle, Sparity, LyraBon, Cheesy Pie.
i have a bad feeling about this