Sweetie Brick

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Pencil Sharpening

"Alright, my little ponies!" Cheerilee trotted across the front of the classroom with a brilliant smile. "Open the brown envelopes and pull the sheets out, but keep them face-down across your desk! You've prepared for this test long and hard, and now's the morning we've all been waiting for! This is for your futures, remember?" Her eyes twitched as a strand of hair or two popped loose from her fuchsia bangs. "This is totally not for school funding or an improved curriculum, but this is for your bright and sh-shiny futures! Heeheehee! Got it?"

Students stared, blinked, drooled.

"Good! Now pull out your number two pencils and wait for my instructions--"

"Uhhhh..." Snips blinked and raised his hoof. "Teach?"

"Yes, Snips?"

He waved his blunt stick of a pencil. "There's something wrong with my pencil!"

Cheerilee stared at him. She sighed, face-hoofed, and fought to keep smiling. "That's because you've forgotten to sharpen it, Snips. Now be a good colt and quietly use the sharpener in the back."

"Uhhhhhhhhh-okay!" Nervously, the colt hopped out from behind his desk and galloped across the room. He stood before Sweetie Belle who was hanging horizontally from a spindle fastened to the wall. Plucking the pencil from his mouth, he reached a hoof forward, lifted her tail, and stuck the blunt end in.

"Eeep!" Sweetie Belle blushed deeply. Snips grasped her horn and spun her whole body several times with a muffled squeaking sound. At last, he let go of her and trotted away with a fully sharpened pencil.

"Ahem..." Cheerilee cleared her throat loudly and pointed toward the back of the room. "Snips..."

The colt blinked, then gasped knowingly. He turned around, trotted back, slid a small trash can underneath Sweetie Belle's tail, and gave her head several heavy slaps. A ribbon of loose pencil shavings fell into the can. Dutifully, Snips trotted back and sat at his desk.

"Alright, class, now let's begin."

Comments

[PropMaster]

Well, that's it then.
This is the greatest thing ever written in fanfiction.

Good job, everybody, you can all go home now.

Edit: Seriously, a downvote? Do I HAVE to add a "/sarcasm" for people to understand?

[Talon and Thorn]

Ouch!

[Skeeter The Lurker]

...Oh my...

~Skeeter The Lurker

[U7VK7VOVV7V]

Huh. Well. That sure gives a whole new meaning to shoving it up the ass...

[metroid_freak]

I just...

[SeatieBelt]

Feeling a bit shameless today, aren't we?

[Jake The Army Guy]

I think this is as close as we'll get to seeing Skirts write clop.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/2/260104/medium.jpeg

[tiep0h]

I'll never be able to look at a pencil sharpener the same again.

[Necrikus]

... wait what? What?!

[aetherdash]

.................. ok!

[AppleTank]

3457046
mob1097.photobucket.com/albums/g355/rhombofine/tumblr_ljb5afs7fk1qcw30lo1_250.jpg

[FloydienSlip]

Skirts what.

[Aurora Dimmet]

Skirts. Skirts. I love you man. I just... I love you. No homo. (Just a little)

[Princess Cadence]

3456894
No way, I'm sure people are smart enough for that to be unnecessary.

/sarcasm

[WanderingPony]

This is adorabuse. I keep wanting to squee and cringe at the same time.

[Saro0fdemonz]

I don't even know anymore

[Inferno demon Dash]

So many questions so little time, WHAT THE BUCK?!

[Axan Zenith]

I'm laughing for real right now.

[Shadynasty]

Oh man, I can't believe you went there.

[Samey90]

My expression during reading varies between these:

fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/115/9/b/varying_degrees_of_wtf_by_thunderspeaker-d4xiwpt.png

[nemryn]

3456894
I don't know about 'greatest', but it's certainly the somethingest.

[Delta93]

3458320
Life would be so much easier if there was a sarcasm font.

[Bandana The Reaper]

Plucking the pencil from his mouth, he reached a hoof forward, lifted her tail, and stuck the blunt end in.
"Eeep!"

eww...

[ChaosDX1]

Cheerilee reminds me of Billy's Mom from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy in this chapter.

[jszellmer]

3460280 Something like 90% of what I write would be in that font.

[Akhari Blaze]

3460280 Italics have always seemed kinda sarcastic to me.

[Elitrino]

pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9428-06b7d7f7836a255b73a1bc3a71c7ae44.gif

[TwiSpark42]

th07.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2012/323/2/4/jontron_wallpaper_by_fatalyze-d5lg9ij.png

[Dementia Ravenmane]

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/284/941/1a2.png

[LadyFacepalm]

3457260 I . . . wow.

[kooarbiter]

oh wow, that'd be funny but theres no way he'd

*skirts does it*

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRr0OMxB6GrWJw0FGq1ndqgRDMiBrCoe2gJYZxqmzHaxV_4JMUt

#that moment where you don't know what moment it is

[Emperorson]

[shieldgenerator7]

uhno! please no!

oh crash i completely thought it was going to go in her mouth...

[ChessyKat01]

Isn't he going to clean his pencil? It was in his mouth after all.....

[Regidar]

3457221 and you know what
I was still able to fap to this

[Sarda]

This is a skirts story and you lot /still/ automatically assume the implication is he's sharpening the pencil in the hole that /isn't/ circular?

I'd probably be more surprised if I didn't recognize a lot of the names from other places.

[Bad_Seed_72]

What is this I don't even

... Best chapter ever.

[19jburner]

Well then...

INTRODUCING THE ALL NEW PENCIL SHARPENER!!! Sweetie Belle here is the sharpener and is extremely rare, costing a few hundred bits. *Ding* How to use the sharpener: Step 1: shove the pencil up Sweetie's ass. Step 2: grab onto horn and rotate Sweetie. Step 3: Whack Sweeite's head with hoof until pencil shavings come out.

I will be scarred for a long time because of this one...

[MasterNotWriter6626]

3466532
You're worried about it being dirty from being in his MOUTH?! He stuck it up Sweetie's ASS! Tell me about filth.

[yamgoth]

Sweetie Belle has a built anti surprise buttraep mechanism that doubles as a pencil sharpener, possibly a knife sharpener, too.

This must be in the same setting as lil miss rarity. The similarity is just too uncanny.

[The Rarispy]

...This is getting uncomfortable.

I LOVE IT.

[Mehnlo]

3462426 True but it gets all muddled if you use italics for thought processes like some people do. >.<

[Euphonic]

…did he just…sharpen a pencil in Sweetie's anus?

This is why I love the internet.

[Dustchu]

Sweetie's butt... can sharpen pencils...
Beautiful.

[Dustchu]

Sweetie's butt... can sharpen pencils...
Beautiful.

[CapNTilfy]

Wow. It actually went there. Now I really DO feel bad for Sweetie.

[Awesometacular]

What! I did not see that coming!

[Yutah123]

I thought of it, but I didn't think it would actually happen.

I see where the Teen rating came from.