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The Torn

Found in forest outside of Trotson, Freefall and Gem Seeker find a unicorn filly being torn apart by wood goblins. They help save her, and raise her as their own. Growing up without knowing her true origin, LuckyStar decides to leave the only home she's ever known to find out who she really is.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Siaraos

Siaraos #1 · Aug 17th, 2013 · · ·

This story is actually fairly good; a lot better than the current ratings make it out to be. That's strange in itself, seeing as there are more votes than views on this chapter... but yeah, this chapter was very interesting! You could certainly change the formatting a little to make the story easier on the eyes, as well as changing the prologue introduction a wee bit. Best of luck with the rest of the story, mate

Tektiger

Tektiger #2 · Aug 17th, 2013 · · ·

3060415
Thanks. I was wondering the same thing. I really hope it isn't shenanigans at play. Also, how would you recommend that the formatting be changed?

Siaraos

Siaraos #3 · Aug 17th, 2013 · · ·

3060619 The paragraphs could do with a little bit of tidying up, such as combining sentences that don't need to be separated and possibly double-spacing the paragraphs too. You could also embolden the title at the top of the page, making it stand out from the main body of text. Finally, you don't need the "END OF PROLOGUE" warning at the end of the chapter; it's obvious to the reader because the chapter is already named as the prologue. So yeah, just a few things, all of which are optional!

Tektiger