Looks good so far. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.

First chapter looks intriguing and well written. I'll deffinitly be tracking this!

more.

Oh shoot I see discord and tragedy I'm prepared to cry *pulls out tissues*

I know you just posted this today, but MOAR MOAR MOAR! XD

Keep it comin' bro.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/PUDmk.gif

Want so badly. I love the dynamic between the two.

Tracked for interest

Tracked keep up good work. I hope this is a good one seems like it well good luck and expect more post from me

I cant wait to se where this story goes, I love Spike/Rarity couplings.

Great work so far!

Hope it turns out fine

I really like this so far though I know what's coming

Tracking!

Doesn't sound like what I normally read, but it has peaked my interest.  Tracking.

I wonder who Spike is going to run into o.O and how they plan to "help" Spike.

Tracked.

Have a good one.

Really intrigued by the synopsis, really wish I could've seen more of where it was going.

But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Tracked.

I make a habit of avoiding the Tragedy tag but there is something about this fic. Maybe its the potential that I see it could have and that there is a possibility for a happy ending after they fight through the tragedy. I shall track it and wait for updates.

I kinda want to track and read, but that title.... Nothing good can come out of it.

This looks interesting. Tracked.

PREPARE YOUR MANLY TEARS, EVERYONE!!

I DEMAND MORE OF THIS! This is really good! It's well structured, and it most definitely is nice. I just want MOOOORRREEEEEE

Tracked, obviously.

Let's see what we can do with this...

i got a baaaaaaaaad feeling about the next chapter or tow

I for one welcome the melodrama, it's the best kind of drama!

So much want.

Me wants next chapets, me needs to see evil spike, me track this

The first chapter = Just another day of Spike's life.

The second chapter = Tragedy? Challenge accepted, manly tears prepared!

~Morning Dart

Sounds interesting, will read. Though you probably shouldn't announce that Rarity develops feeling in the description, cuz you can put in a lot of build-up for that in the text.

Kinda spoils a good part of the story like that :p

Also, dat title!

Very nice, and with a good tune of phrase. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.

Image: http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u73/Matthew_Morrison/131900433120.png

did it work?  wish we had a preview button...

Tracked... though I hope future chapters of this are a little longer. This is a REALLY short chapter! but... hm. It's fairly well written, and you're definitely setting up the oncomin tragedy well so far. Let us see what shall be!

Well, with a synopsis like that and an intro like this, there's absolutely NOTHING that can go wrong!

Tracking.

Looks pretty good so far. If I could pick one thing to improve, though, it would be the descriptive passages. This is a very minor complaint, so don't stress over it.

I'll be most intrigued as to what paths this story will take.

I am squrming in anticipation for the nuke to fall. This first chap really makes it all picturesque for when shit hits the fan.

Rarity's reveal is going to be 20% more painful since its after "Secret of my excess".

Dear Celestia, I need to find out what Rarity says about Spike. The tension is killing me.

I WANT TO READ MORE! This is VERY interedting. I got hooked pretty fast. Good job!

First story I've tracked in the last week, good job sir

I'm am interested in reading more,i want to find out what rarity is going to say that will drive spike away?oh well,i won't be able to find out until next time,can't wait untill then!

Imma track this story now. (lé click)

Track'd! Moar please!

hmm...will track

I am going to track this, just like 90% of the commenters. Keep up the good work! This fic gets a BIG

THIS STORY SUCKS... UP ALL OF THE AWESOME IN THE WORLD!

This is so awesome so far! I hope you continue soon! :)

Sounds interesting, and I love the cover art.

what could possibly go wrong?

Gimme more... requires fix...

Really stong opening.  I can't wait to see how the plot unfolds throughout the chapters!

This is what we WANT! Keep it up, bro!

MANLY TEARS INBOUND.

Oh boy, this won't be good!

Well I definitely like the premise, I see you're going to start a bit slowly that's cool, I'll track it I have a good feeling about this one.

MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR

Please?

Want to read but the tragedy tag has me worried.

Read through the comments and haven't seen this yet, but......MOAR. Seriously though, I love tragedies like this, and I'm looking forward to reading Chapter 2. Tracking and a premature thumbs up.

The title hooked my attention (wonder how many people will get the reference, if I'm assuming correctly), and as soon as I saw that it was a Rarity/Spike relationship fic, I was like MUST READ!!!!  I love the connection between the two. The age and not to mention species difference is very interesting, and even the show itself toys with it. Just take your time and it should turn out great! I don't have a Spike badge, so Derpy will have to do!

Image: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zFaR9WGRJF8/Tz4n62kbiSI/AAAAAAAAfXA/32VsQXRyRtw/s1600/9.png

It's not bad, but I'm not entirely impressed just yet.

There were a few grammatical errors that I think a quick scan over the story could fix, but nothing too major.

The language used is moderate, nothing that really WOWED me, but it was adequate in explaining what was going on, so the author clearly has a decent grasp on use of the English language and the elements of good literature.

My biggest complaint would have to be that this is really too short to be a first chapter. It's more like a prologue to me. Not just because it's under 1200 words, but because nothing really has happened yet. You've given very little to wet our appetite, and I feel that's going to turn a lot of people away from the story because the first chapter should be the one to hook people.

It's okay so far, and I'll track this to see where the second chapter goes. I'll make my decision if I want to keep reading this and if I am going to give it a like or dislike when I see what the second chapter brings. Impress me.

>>252733252733 Sorry, but I'm here to impress everyone, not just you.

>>252786252786 Why the hostility? O.o

I basically just gave you a fairly positive review, and a little constructive criticism that was VERY minor. Ultimately I stated that your story has potential and said I was willing to continue reading to see if that potential pans out.

>>252786252786 You tell em!

I can't wait for more. Favorite pairing and I'm excited to (hopefully) have my heartstrings yanked at. MOAR MOAR MOAR... you know... within reason... not rushing it.

>>252847252847 Oh, my mistake. I wasn't trying to be hostile. I simply just forgot to add a smiley emote to make the reply seem less..., well, hostile.

At any rate, the first chapter was meant to be a prologue. True, it may have seemed a bit bland, but that's how I tend to start my stories off.

Thanks for the small critique, though. :thumbsup:

>>252786252786

Dang, dude...  Can't take a little constructive criticism?

Anyway, canon dictates that although Spike might have feelings for Rarity, she doesn't reciprocate those feelings (per se).  Also, a romance between the two threatens to transcend my ability to suspend disbelief.  I'll give it a couple more chapters (which I hope are a bit longer and more detailed), but this story really is walking a line here...

#include:

>>252733252733

>>252962252962 Well, then I guess this is just another one of those reasons that this is a fan-fiction: I don't really write to make it seem as if it were an episode or a real-life scenario of the show. I write because I have an idea that I'm dying to publish here on this site.

I , as much as I don't want to admit it, don't think that Rarity has feelings for Spike in the show, even after "Secret of My Excess," but that's why I'm writing this fiction, I suppose.

>>252976252976

Yeah, fanfiction does give the author a great deal of liberty with regard to setting and character portrayal.  I tend to be a hardcore stickler for canon adherence (or, as the case might be, head-canon). I think what's really working against this story for me is not your writing itself, but your relatively extreme leniency toward canon interpretation.

That said, I'm still giving this story as chance as long as I can.

Interesting. I'll wait to rate until next chapter. Tracked

>>253016253016 Hey bud, if it ever fails to peak your interest, then by all means, you can un-track any time you want. I understand that he synopsis isn't exactly canon material, and if it's canon stuff that you want, then this fic might not interest you in the future.

No hard feelings. It's just a fiction.

Manly tears are locked and loaded. Preparing to fire.

TRACKED.

I'm a little disappointed on where the first chapter ended. It would have been nice for just a touch more, but beggars can't be choosers.

It was a good start though. Definitely gonna track this because I am very curious to see where the tale shall go. Don't keep us hanging to long, now.

plz yes! this gon be gewd!

I see taht tihs is gniog to be rlaely good. keep it up!

>>253029253029 FIRE UP THE MANLY TEAR CANNON....*ELECTRONIC NOISES*........fiRe....

Tracked. That is all.

>>253078253078 WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWU WU WBLUBLU BLUHRRRGGH WUBWUB!

>>253078253078. You know, the really, REALLY disturbing part of your reply, is that, I wasn't thinking of Excision&Downlink Existance VIP until AFTER I posted that first comment. Then that was all I could think of.

*deep breath in*

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Looks good so far. I new I wasn't making a mistake when I hit track. You've established that you have good knowledge of how the characters would act and I look forward to seeing how Spike, Rarity, and Twilight go. Well done, and keep up the good work.

This really isn't the BEST written thing in the world, but I have seen way way worse haha. All in all, this was really good and it left me really wanting to read MOAR !!!

So update fast and Fluttershy will stop crying

>>253114253114 u jelly?

Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/810/u%20jelly.jpg

"You really do deserve her, she thought."

OMG That single line has me now tracking this! It's glorious! :D

Favorited. Tracked.

...

You have a pretty mouth, Judas.

Tracked. Extremely well written.

I have to agree with some of users above in that there isn't anything particularly attention grabbing in the writing or the story, but as a simple and short prologue as you say it is, it does its job I suppose. However, I think what makes it worse for some people is that the synopsis says more than it really should, because now most people are just going to be waiting for the moment Rarity has her "private" conversation with Twilight, which I thought was going to occur in this chapter or at the very least lead up to the scene in question, but it still seems to be a ways off telling from the ending of this prologue.

However, again, it's just a prologue like you said, so there isn't much to fuss about.

The only problem I have are some minor grammatical errors and some of the dialogue. In particular is Twilight saying "I know, but I bet if you keep this up, you will eventually grow on her." When really, she should be saying "I know, but I bet if you keep this up, you'll eventually grow on her." Really, just read it out loud and you'll notice it just sounds kind of awkward since no one talks like that, except maybe Princess Luna with her language being very limited and contractions not being brought into use during her time a thousand years ago.

People use English Contractions more often today since it's more natural and much quicker to use than the alternative, which sounds pretty awkward by today's standards. Just read the two sentences below out loud and pick which one sounds better.

"I will go to the store."

"I'll go to the store."

It just sounds a lot more natural. Sure, it may seem like a small complaint and seem really simple, but it was the first thing that really stuck out to me that took me out of the story. I'm not trying to talk down to you, but I'm just giving you seem general advice about writing dialogue. Twilight just doesn't seem like a person (pony) to not use contractions.

Make sure you read it out loud, constantly, to make sure it sounds and flows naturally like a conversation would and fits the characters mannerisms.

Probably not going to keep my eye on this one, sorry, but good luck in your future endeavors of writing.

P.S

There is one more problem I had with the writing and that it seems Twilight Sparkle is a bit out of character by taking Spike's relationship with Rarity seriously, when in the show she has constantly shown being completely indifferent towards it to the point of almost laughing at it in "Green Isn't Your Color" when Spike tells her and Pinkie Pie his "secret."

Although, that's just my own interpretation, so I didn't really want to make it a main point of criticism, but thought I should bring it up away. It's just that last line that irks me a bit, as it shows that she supports the potential relationship, rather than being indifferent towards it as shown in the show.

Again, good luck in your future endeavors.

Tracked it you did really good. I can't wait to see where this is going.

I really like this so far. Looking forward to future chapters.

Tracking!, i just hope Voxis doesnt rush the chapters or stress out over it like most people do now

Looking forward to the next chapter. Good job so far.

i love it not to much but why 1 chapter? Do Anykind of chapters (I HAVE NO SLEEP TOM.)

This is

Image: http://images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw2883.gif

>>253348253348               

Oh, the drama!

Tracking.

GOOD GOD... Am I the only one here who  realized that the title is ALSO a Metallica song name? 0.o. From the pretty good album Death Magnetic.

Oh yeah, and this GOOD.

>>254427254427 Actually it's from the bible. The kiss of Judas was meant to be a form of betrayal to Jesus Christ, as he identified him to the Roman army by means of a kiss. The song is based upon this, and I'm assuming this story's title is a reference to that.

I really like this opening chapter!

i just have a strange feeling spike is in for something life changing.

MUST READ MORE!  

>>254674254674

Thank the lord I wasn't the only one to think that.

Good day.

Short start. But with a setup to become something very special indeed!

I cannot wait to see what comes next

>>252607252607 I'm fairly certain I know the story behind the title. Anyway...MOAR

Spike is badass.

This story must end like

this.

POST MORE DAMN YOU POST MORE!!!!!!!!!! not to be mean but plz post more me want more plzzzzzz make it quick

This is really good! Watching this!~

>>254674254674

Sorry.  Forgot about that... lol.  You absolutely 100% correct.

Got something going here. Track.