Dam it all just happened so quick. Stumbled over those errors and bam the chapter is over . Intriquing premise I must say

I'm going to read this later. I love grimmer dark. I actually just thought of a great grimmer dark fic.

jesus fucking christ

you will now write the next chapter

I like that you have choosen to take the same name as Three days grace animal i have become

media.tumblr.com/74a9a773a706c5cad85ff40648d8f8d0/tumblr_inline_mq7z3pg7AM1qz4rgp.gif
This is some sexy shit.

2983160 And pray tell where are these errors that you speak of?

2984339 errors like

it asked in mock concern Firefly had put up with this voice for most of her life but the one thing she knew in her heart was that she couldn't bear to see Rainbow Dash become another monster so that night she took Rainbow Dash in to her hooves for the last time and dropped her off just outside the Cloudsdale Orphanage's door.

She knocked twice before giving her daughter one last look of sadness "My dear daughter I'm sorry I failed you as a parent but maybe you will find a better life with the ponies here so farewell and I-I pray that we never meet again." she had to force that last part out and then gave one final kiss on her daughters cheek before flying off to the police station Are you sure about this sister? her voice asked I mean we could just disappear into the badlands or something. but in her heart Firefly knew this had to be done she had to fess up so she walked into the police station and talked with the officer at the desk. "Hello my name is Firefly and I would like to report a murder." the police officer looked up lazily from his desk

There all one sentence put some fucking commas and full stops in there , .

Get an editor or some shit coz this needs some serious work, especially in the comma department

It's a good fic with an interesting concept but its ruined by the overly long sentences and lack of commas

2984586 I hope the changes I made fixed this issue.

Rainbow Dash, her pride and joy, had a giant bite mark on her right fetlock and blood on her mouth which meant only one thing she did this to herself.

Rainbow Dash, her pride and joy, had a giant bite mark on her right fetlock. Blood was dripping from her mouth, which meant only one thing, she did this to herself.

A comma before 'she did this to herself' makes it read better

Also new line, new speaker. So that means everytime a character talks, it's a new paragraph

The summary:

Years before Rainbow Dash preformed the famous sonic rainboom she was famous for another reason. Rainbow was given up to an orphanage years ago by her mother but for good reason. Enter Firefly, mother of Rainbow Dash, one of the original 6 heroes of equestria even before her daughters heroic deeds but there is a side to her and her family that only she and Rainbow Dash know and soon that family trait will awaken in Rainbow Dash and she may be too late to shut the door.

Change it to:

Years before Rainbow Dash preformed the famous sonic rainboom, she was famous for another reason. Rainbow was given up to an orphanage years ago by her mother, but for good reason. Enter Firefly, mother of Rainbow Dash and one of the original 6 heroes of Equestria, even before her daughters heroic deeds. However, there is a side to her and her family that only she and Rainbow Dash know. and Soon, that family trait will awaken in Rainbow Dash and. She may be too late to shut the door.

I believe that the phrase "to shut the door" sounds really odd. I suggest you speak more literally here, like "Save herself" or "Control herself" or some such phrasing.

Over all, the summary is an example of horrible grammar and mechanics usage. Despite how interesting your story seems, I refuse to read a story where the author puts so little effort into the summary. It is supposed to grab my attention and hint at the quality of the story, not make me want to throw up because of so many stupid errors. You may have the most amazing story in the world, but If you cannot take the time to edit it and correct your mistakes, then you are a fool.

2985706 Wow harsh also fixed

Yeah, I'll just leave this here...

2985706 You capitalized "If" in the last sentence when you didn't need to.

2986836
Wow, I'm an idiot. A hypocritical one at that.

2986862 I'm sorry for making you look dumb

That said, you were rather harsh on him for his grammar. What you should have said is "this needs a proofreader".

Hmm. This is an interesting premise, but I'm not too sure about the execution. Things are paced a bit too fast for my tastes - could use some more 'fluff', immersion, setting, emotion, et cetera. Then again, I'm a bit of a flowery writer myself...

Also, yes, there are some errors in sentence structure - you have a tendency towards run-on sentences. They've already been pointed out, though.

2992089 The prologue is the only one that's going to suffer this.

2992095 All right, I'll wait and reserve judgement.

By the way, good to see another Prototype fan. :P

2992095 it's kinda sad knowing that it had to be this way, you know, not knowing who your parents are. i was just lucky enough to get my mother to tell me who my father was before i met him.

Damn, that's a twist, now Dash will live being haunted by the fact that her mother killed ponies and ate them, not bad, not bad at all