The Saviour of Equestria.
An adventure story about a guy who saves Equestria.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 16th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 21st, 2012
PinkieSkies
....wut Cookies for anyone...
PinkieSkies
Joined 16th Feb, 2012 ·
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Hmm, only one explanation for this. Aliens have blessed your life, and are forcing me to read this. Even though it is short, it is still good.
Very short. Its okay but I'd like to see more details as it is very fast paced. I don't really know what is happening other then there is a pony (or human, I don't know) playing what sounds like a live survival game. That's all I have to work with. I don't know how he got there, where he is, why he he is doing this, who he (or she, I've just assumed it was a guy) is or what he/she is trying to accomplish. GIVE MORE DETAIL!
Ummm, not quite sure what to think about this. first off, the chapters are VERY short. It doesn't really give me time to immerse myself into the story. I'd suggest putting more description into what this guy is seeing. Both chapters, finding the meteor and waking up in Equestria, seemed to rush by, only slightly hinting at what was going on. It left me a little confused.
Another thing is put some more dialogue in there. Whether its from the character to his friend on the phone (he could describe the rock and the 'tug' he feels from it) or if he's just speaking to himself (when he wakes up in Equestria, he takes in his surroundings and starts to wonder at what he's seeing, and likely begins to question his sanity because really, he's suddenly standing in the middle of a cartoon world. If that can't make you wonder if you're even slightly loopy, then I don't know what can.)
Well, I think this story has potential; given that the chapters do need to be lengthened a bit. Anyways, I'll watch and see where you take this. Good luck.
- Absurdity
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Thanks for the feedback, ill try to make it longer, but i have alot of homework, and it takes it off my minds, but thanks!
246192 I feel you there, so much work, so little time.
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Brohoof.
246192 Totally understand the homework thing. I've had at least four ideas for some stories bouncing around in my head for the better half of two weeks now but I haven't been able to do much about it because of papers, homework, midterms, etc.