Dancing on Daggers
Trixie stared at herself in the mirror. Her mane was wild, a couple of random locks hovering over her wide eyes. She hardly recognized herself anymore. She was thinner, but she felt… pretty. Trixie had never felt pretty before. She tilted her head, observing the shape of her face, the way her eye color contrasted against her coat. She grinned, taking note of how her teeth were sparkling white. She’d always had good teeth, even though she didn’t go out of her way to take care of them. Pure luck, probably.
No… She didn’t look bad at all.
She jerked away from the mirror and sat on the bathroom floor, covering her face with shaking hooves. What was she doing? Merely a week ago she’d looked upon Luna with suspicion and fear; now she’d been in her bed two ni—days in a row!
Trixie had thought it before and she was thinking it again; nothing made sense anymore. She didn’t trust Luna – she didn’t even believe her story – yet she was one of Luna’s lovers? How did that even work? How could she have possibly fallen into this position?! True, they were both lonely. True, they found comfort in… She was not going to finish that thought!
She leaned her head back against the wall, gazing at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. Her mind was in chaos, which seemed to be a recurring theme lately. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of anything, though when she did her vision was filled with sparkling stars around a dark, pretty face. The sight made her relax, bringing a smile to her lips.
Trixie forced her eyes open, terror ripping through her mind. By the Goddess, was there no reprieve? This was not what she’d had in mind when she’d decided to save Luna!
She wrapped her forehooves about her hind legs and set her chin to her knees, pulling herself into a ball. The decision had been hers. This was her own doing, not Luna’s. She’d been given the choice. She could have avoided this. Why hadn’t she avoided it?
It wouldn’t last. Trixie knew it wouldn’t. Luna had all but admitted to it. How long did they have? Weeks? Days? What if the princess ended up rejoining with Nightmare Moon? What if she ran out of time and Celestia sent her back to the moon? What would become of Trixie?
So much confusion...
She didn’t want it to end, but she also wished it had never begun. Yet she felt so happy when she was with Luna! She’d never been so happy. How could she be so happy when she didn’t trust the princess? Maybe she did and just didn’t realize it? Did that even make sense?
“Trixie?”
She was jolted from her thoughts, a small gasp escaping her lips at the sight of Luna in the doorway. The princess was watching with a concerned frown and soft eyes. She didn’t speak and Trixie offered no explanation. She merely tucked her face down between her forelegs and fought the urge to cry.
She felt the princess at her side, holding her close. She heard Luna’s soft whisper: “You’re going to be okay, Trixie. I promise.
“You’re going to be okay.”
Trixie finished her plate slowly, savoring the delectable meal Nye had whipped up for them. She did her best to ignore the smug looks he’d been giving her while serving the food; she had enough on her mind to worry about to deal with his ‘I told you so’ attitude.
She and Luna relaxed at a table on the balcony of one of the Nocturnal Wing’s tallest towers. There was no moon out this night, but the starscape was nothing short of spectacular. The two of them had spent all night under the stars, simply enjoying one another’s company. No dream patrol for Luna, not tonight. In fact, she’d taken several nights off, just so that she could enjoy this time with Trixie.
This evening, however, a certain sadness lingered in the air. Luna, sitting close to Trixie on their sofa, was leaning back and gazing at the skies with a soft smile. Her mane drifted from the caress of a wind Trixie could not feel. Sometimes, when Trixie caught it at just the right time, that mane seemed to be an extension of the starscape, as if the whole sky had become a part of the Princess of the Night.
But in Luna’s eyes, the happy shine of their new romance was clouded. Trixie knew what was on her mind. Or at least, she thought she did. Though they had danced around the topic before, it couldn’t be avoided forever. All Trixie really wanted was to stay close to the Princess and say nothing, but that wasn’t an option. So, even though it hurt, she turned to lean against the table, eyes downcast, and spoke.
“About earlier.” She felt Luna shift, knew those pretty eyes were studying her. Trixie sucked in a deep, calming breath that somehow didn’t help at all. “How long do we have?”
She waited for several tender, agonizing seconds, yet no answer came. When she finally dared to look up, she found Luna gazing at the table with a deep frown. “Luna?”
The princess would not look at her. When at last she spoke, her voice was a gentle whisper. “Not long.”
Trixie turned to her, heart beating a little faster. “How long is ‘not long?’”
Luna glanced at her with brow furrowed and eyes moist. It was only a brief glimpse, but it was enough to make her sorrow painfully obvious. “As part of my deals with Celestia and Nightmare, I will be rejoined with my other half.”
Trixie felt her breath slip away. “W-when?”
Luna sighed and turned away. “During your next fight.”
Trixie stood on the sofa, gaping. “That soon? But… but what about this? What about us?”
“Our relationship cannot survive Nightmare Moon,” Luna declared. “It will be… over.”
Trixie’s breath caught in her throat as her chest tightened. The sensation hit her so hard she had to devote a few minutes just to catch her breath. She couldn’t let this happen. Somehow, some way, she needed to make sure! “It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“I’m afraid it does,” Luna replied. Her voice was as calm as the starry night above, though her inability to face Trixie was more than enough to make her own sadness clear. “All the others were corrupted by her. You will be too. I cannot let that happen, Trixie.”
Trixie let out a frustrated shout. “Trixie will not succumb to her!” She stared at Luna’s back, grinding her teeth in frustration, but the princess refused to face her. So she took the next step: she came forward and wrapped her legs about her precious, precious princess. She rested her chin on Luna’s shoulder and whispered into her ear. “I said I would save you. I made a solemn promise. I want to save you.”
Luna let out a deep sigh, raising a hoof to pet Trixie’s mane. “Nopony can do that, Trixie.”
“It’s not your decision,” Trixie hissed, tightening her hold. “You may be a Princess, but you don’t get to decide what Trixie will or will not do! If Trixie wants to stand at your side afterwards, that is what she’ll do.”
Another long sigh. “I have heard that before, Trixie.”
“It will be different this time,” Trixie declared. “You’ll see. I won’t leave you!”
“This coming from the pony who was almost in tears on my bathroom floor?”
Trixie sucked in a sharp breath, her mind going numb. Slowly, she released Luna and stepped back. Her lips pulled back in a vicious sneer as she glared daggers. “Look at me.”
Luna didn’t move.
“Look at me!”
No response.
Trixie let out a furious snarl. “Fine, if you won’t look then you’ll just have to listen! Yes, I’m scared. I’m bucking terrified! Good things do not happen to Trixie, Luna, and you’re the best thing that has ever happened!”
Luna shifted at that, the motion encouraging Trixie to press on. “Why did you let it happen if it was all going to end badly? Why did you risk it, Luna? You could have kept me at bay, you could have made the decision. But no, you made me choose and I decided to be with you! Yes, it may result in me going on another fall. I’m willing to risk it, Luna, because this is the only happiness I have left. If you didn’t want to take the risk, you shouldn’t have left the bucking door open!”
She huffed for several seconds, waiting for some kind of response. Still, Luna said nothing. Trixie pursed her lips at the princess’ stubbornness.
“The day after tomorrow, I fight Twilight.”
Luna’s head rose.
“That’s right, I know exactly who it will be! She has to be the most horrifying pony in Equestria. I have had so many nightmares about her, and the thought of facing her sends shivers down my spine.
“But I am willing to do it!” She held her head high, determination filling her. “I want to face my fear of Twilight Sparkle! All these fights have shown me what I’m capable of and what’s really at stake. This will be my third time dueling that witch, and I don’t know if I can win. It doesn’t matter. If I can't at least try, I lose the right to call myself the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
She waved a hoof at Luna, a fresh sneer upon her face. “And you. Look at you; you don’t even have the nerve to face me!” Luna jerked about, eyes flaring and a grimace on her lips. The image might have made Trixie smirk if she weren’t so upset. “Trixie won’t admit defeat before the fight’s even started, Luna. She expects her lover to be no different!”
Luna shifted so she was facing Trixie properly, cheeks red and lips pulled back into her own snarl. “You dare speak to your princess in such a manner? Have you forgotten your place? You—”
“Shut. Up.”
Luna leaned back, eyes wide and face contorted in a mix of shock and anger. “You… Y-you dare…”
Trixie thrust herself forward and wrapped her princess in a tight hug. “Fight for me, Luna! I’m fighting for you. Please, return the favor. If this doesn’t work, it won’t be because of Nightmare Moon. It will be because you’ve already given up!”
A tense silence filled the air. Trixie didn’t know what else to say, so she just held on and prayed she was getting through. Luna would understand, she had to. Otherwise, what was the point of any of this?
“I…” Luna’s voice was so soft, filled with uncertainty. “I haven’t… given up…”
“Haven’t you?” Trixie held on tight. She didn’t want to let go. It was important she didn’t let go. “How am I supposed to fight for you when I don’t even have your support?”
Slowly, as if it were the hardest task in the world, Luna returned the hug. “You do have my support. I want you to win.”
“Then stop acting like we’re doomed!” Trixie leaned back to look Luna in the eyes, surprised to find herself trembling. “We need something to look forward to!”
Luna let out a long sigh, her entire body slack as she stared back at Trixie with a deep frown. “It is hard. I understand what you mean, Trixie. It’s just… after so long… I don’t have much hope left in me.”
Trixie lowered her head. She felt so…useless. How was she supposed to save the princess if Luna herself was so despondent? “I… I don’t know what to do. I want you to be happy.”
Luna nuzzled her, inciting a small shiver of delight through Trixie’s body. “You have made me happy,” Luna whispered. “For a short time, I earned a little solace. But how can it last, Trixie? You don’t believe my account of Equestria’s history. As long as you don’t, you will never do what is truly necessary. Unless somepony does, this happiness will be the mere flicker of a star amongst the vast cosmos of my existence.”
“I’m sorry I don’t believe!” Trixie cried. “What do you want me to do, lie? It’s not my fault my world got turned upside down, or that I don’t trust anypony!”
Luna held her lover’s head in her hooves, Trixie staring up at her with fresh tears on her face. The princess had soft eyes mixing loss and love in a mesmerizing combination. “Oh, Trixie, my little star… I am so sorry this all had to happen to you. When this is over, I will do everything I can to make your life better. Even when you’re gone.”
Trixie lowered her eyes, pain and affection mixing chaotically within her. “You can’t help. If we part ways, then you can’t help me. I’ll be alone. I… I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Luna embraced her once again, planting a small kiss on her cheek. “I know. Believe me, Trixie, I know. But I said you’d be okay, and I meant it. I will keep Nightmare away from you, no matter the cost. You can turn your life around.”
Trixie sniffed and returned the embrace. “Without you?”
Luna wouldn’t answer.
The trek back to the main hall of the Nocturnal Wing seemed to take forever. Neither Trixie nor Luna spoke, both lost in their own miserable thoughts. Trixie kept eyeing the princess, feeling a sense of guilt that she couldn’t understand. She wanted to say something but nothing seemed appropriate. The silence lingered, interrupted only by the steady echo of their hoofsteps in the grand hall.
Luna abruptly paused. Trixie raised her head and saw Luna peering into the darkness. She followed suit, quickly spotting what Luna had: a lone mare, sitting before Luna’s door and speaking with Nye. Trixie tried to shoot Luna a questioning look, but Luna was too focused on the newcomer, her brow furrowed and a frown on her lips.
Trixie followed as Luna approached, nervousness and curiosity combining within her. Nye was standing before Luna’s door, apparently guarding it against the newcomer.
“—care why you’re here, Luna’s chambers are off-limits!”
“Don’t be so defensive,” the mare told him with a sweet smile. She had a soft grey coat, complimented by a mane of a much darker shade. Her mulberry eyes really stood out to Trixie, for they seemed to shine in the darkness. “You act as if I were going to bust down the door.”
“I am not letting you in,” Nye declared with force, looking as though he was ready to defend that statement.
Luna lifted her head in a commanding gesture. “Octavia.”
The mare turned her bright eyes to the princess, a smile coming upon her lips. “Ah, Luna! There you are. A pleasure, as always.”
Luna’s reply was crisp and sharp. “I thought you were posted in Nildea.”
Octavia winced. “Have I come at a bad time?”
Luna considered the question – and the visitor – with a haughty air. “My relationship with your husband is… tense at the moment.”
“Of course.” Octavia nodded. “Under the circumstances, I suppose that would only be natural. It is a shame; I had hoped we might have tea together.”
Luna heaved a sigh and relaxed. “I would like that, actually. I am sorry, Miss Fine. Things have been difficult lately.” She turned to Nye, who was watching Octavia as if expecting her to do something dangerous. “Thank you, Nye. I appreciate your diligence but I think I can take it from here.”
He eyed Luna with a skeptical frown, but bowed. “If you need me, just call,” he said as he left the door. He greeted Trixie with a polite nod before departing down the hall.
“He means well,” Luna said with a smile as they watched him go. “But as you know, he never liked the Archons.” She turned her attention back to Octavia. “I’m sorry but I must ask again: why have you returned to Equestria?”
Octavia shot her an innocent smile. “Oh, your sister’s recalling the Order of Shadows.”
Luna’s eyes went wide in spite of Octavia’s casual tone. “Which ones?”
“All of us.”
The princess’ jaw dropped. For a few seconds she merely stared in shocked silence. She worked her lips, though it took time to get a sound out of them. “Do… do you know why?”
Octavia shook her head. “Celestia is waiting for the rest of us to arrive before she will speak on the matter. Sorry.”
Luna licked her lips, her eyes shifting to Trixie, who couldn’t help shuffling under that gaze. She wished she knew what this ‘Order of Shadows’ was so she could properly understand the princess’ reaction. Trixie lowered her head just slightly. “Umm… Are you okay?”
Luna shook herself as if to come out of a trance, but the worry remained in her eyes. “Y-yes. I am sorry, but I must speak to my sister. We’ll talk later.” She turned and walked away, heading for the exit without another word. Trixie watched her go with a heavy heart, quietly wondering why seeing the princess leave made her feel so lonely.
“I’m sorry,” Octavia said, casting a frown Trixie’s way. “I interrupted something, didn’t I?”
Trixie bowed her head. “Not really…”
A moment of unpleasant silence filled the hallway, during which Trixie devoted the time to wondering about Luna’s behavior. Why did this news bother her so much? What was it about this ‘Order of Shadows’ that required her to go talk to Celestia?
“So you’re Trixie?” Octavia asked, interrupting Trixie’s thoughts.
Trixie eyed her warily. “Yes…”
Octavia beamed and gave a polite nod. “I am so pleased to meet you! My husband heaped a lot of praise upon your head in his letters. He seems to think you’ve got a solid chance.”
Trixie tilted her head, examining this new acquaintance with a critical eye. “Does Trixie know your husband?”
“But of course,” Octavia responded. “He’s Fine Crime.”
Trixie sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes nearly popping out of her head. “Fine Crime? Y-you mean that monster is married?”
Octavia laughed, which was far from anything Trixie expected. “Even monsters need companionship! Why don’t we discuss my husband’s sinister reputation over some tea?” She gestured to Trixie’s room. “I was hoping to catch up with the princess, but I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to chatting with the potential savior of Equestria.”
Savior of Equestria? What had Fine been telling her? Trixie didn’t feel at all like talking to anypony at that time, for her harsh moment with Luna still weighed heavily on her mind. In truth, she just wanted to be alone. Besides, if this really was Fine’s wife…
Trixie turned away from Octavia and stepped up to her room. “Tell Fine that Trixie has no intention of forgiving him, nor does he need to send others to speak for him.”
“Why would Fine seek your forgiveness?”
Trixie rounded on her, eyes flaring and horn sparking. “Why? How dare you ask Trixie such a question! She lost her one and only friend because of that bastard. He had her parents brutally murdered, and now she thinks Trixie is evil and corrupt just like him!”
She seethed, her muzzle pressed against Octavia’s. Octavia was pressed against Luna’s door, pushed into place by Trixie’s fury. Despite this, she remained serenely calm, her face betraying no emotion.
“My husband is not evil.”
Trixie stepped back, visibly shaking with the effort to not zap the mare across the hall. She worked her lips around clenched teeth, finally finding the will to jerk back. “Trixie wouldn’t expect his wife to stand against him.”
“I wouldn’t expect a showpony to understand a stallion like Fine,” Octavia shot back. Though she maintained her calm expression, there was a touch of heat in her voice. “He’s done horrible things, I cannot deny. But he’s done good things, too.”
Trixie let out a huff and turned back to her room, magically opening the door. “There is no good deed that stallion could manage that would make him less of a villain.”
The door slammed shut, Octavia abruptly standing in the way. Her pretty, patient veneer cracked, a firm frown on her lips. Her bright mulberry eyes were as piercing as swords. “I will not stand by and let you insult my husband like that. You have no idea the kind of balance he has to maintain, the constant effort! He stands on the front lines of the royal conflict, struggling to keep Equestria from descending any further than it already has. My husband is more a hero than you’ll ever be, you stuck up, two-bit has-been.”
Trixie bristled, a vicious snarl coming from her throat. “He has done nothing to qualify for such a title!”
“He rescued me from a life of hell,” Octavia fired back, taking a threatening step forward. “You think you know what brutal is? You should have seen what they did to my family back in Nildea – no, my entire town! He literally picked me up out of the ashes and breathed life into my abused, withered soul. Every pony in the Order of Shadows owes him not only for their survival, but for their happiness. He gave us a reason to exist! The others are not as patient as I, so you watch your tongue lest one of them decides to rip it out.”
Trixie found herself momentarily stunned. The fierceness of Octavia’s words, the menace in her eyes, even the quiet fury of her tone all made Trixie want to retreat. But she shook off the moment of weakness and returned the glare as best she could manage. “You expect Trixie to believe you? She has no reason to trust anything you say.”
Octavia raised her head in a proud display, but the anger in her eyes was already fading. “I see he was at least able to instill in you a lack of trust.”
Trixie turned her head away with a sneer. “He has that effect on ponies.”
“But he never taught you how to weed out the truth from the lies.”
The words hit Trixie with such a complex wave of emotions that she found herself laughing, even as she fought to hold back tears. She dropped to her haunches and bowed her head. “What truth? So far as Trixie can tell, even truths are lies.”
“When one plays for both teams, even his truths become deceptions.”
Trixie blinked, then slowly turned to cast a questioning frown over her shoulder. Maintaining her haughty demeanor, Octavia added, “That’s one of Fine’s favorite lines. It suits him. Perhaps it suits you, too.”
“What?” Trixie rubbed her face to stop the tears that had nearly started and turned to face Octavia directly. “Trixie is not playing both sides…”
Octavia raised a critical eyebrow. “You are with Luna, are you not?” Trixie blushed, but nodded. “Yet you prefer to believe Celestia’s side of the story.”
“That isn’t the same thing,” Trixie corrected, though she had to struggle to instill confidence in her tone.
“You can’t help Luna and take Celestia’s side,” Octavia countered, her voice having finally regained its earlier calmness. “You believe that everything you hear is a lie, so even your truths have become lies.”
Trixie threw up her hooves with a shout. “But how is Trixie supposed to pick out the truth?”
At that, the corners of Octavia’s lips rose slightly. She closed her eyes, bowed her head and set a hoof to her heart. “‘Power fades. Truth is fickle. Conviction is golden.’ Another of my husband’s favorite lines.”
Trixie thought on the words, recalling the last time she was with Fine. Come to think of it… “He told Trixie something similar.”
“And what did you learn from it?” Octavia asked, leaning forward in expectation.
Trixie stared blankly, the meaning entirely lost upon her. “She… well…”
Octavia closed her eyes and sighed. She leaned back to sit before speaking with a patient tone. “Perhaps I should redirect. Do you love Luna?”
Trixie let out a gasp as the air left her. She bowed her head and realized she was shaking. “D-don’t ask me that…”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know!” She shot Octavia a wide-eyed look. Her spurt of energy rapidly dissipated into misery, and she ended up bowing her head once more. “I… I just don’t know…”
Octavia heaved another sigh before flashing a pearly grin. “I’ve been there before.”
Trixie jerked back in alarm, finding herself caught up in a hug. “W-what…?”
“You’re lost and confused,” Octavia whispered into her ear. “I know what it’s like, so I can forgive your words against my husband. You won’t believe me when I say it, but he means well.”
Trixie shoved her off in disgust, turning away to glare at some shadows in the corner.
Still, Octavia was not offended. She continued in her soft, comforting tone. “He was trying to teach you something, and so am I. It does not matter if Celestia holds the power of the throne. It doesn’t matter if Luna’s story is true or not. All that really matters is your conviction. So long as you are loyal to Luna, that is all you need. Her story becomes fact, the power becomes yours. And what is more loyal than love?”
But Trixie had no way of knowing if what she was feeling was love. She was a lover – the past two nights had made that unquestionably clear – but love? What if it was just a fling? A passing infatuation, a momentary clutching at the happiness that sometimes flitted through her life? And if it was love, surely that alone wouldn’t make her believe in Luna’s tale, or give her the strength to defeat the scariest pony in Equestria. That simply didn’t make sense!
“You’re thinking too much.”
“As opposed to what?” Trixie didn’t dare face Octavia, lest she reveal her anxiety. “Your husband encourages thinking about everything!”
“He is one for analysis,” Octavia acknowledged in an amused tone. “But this time, I think he’d agree. You need to focus less on the details and just go for it!”
At last, Trixie turned about to observe her with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure Fine did not send you here to give Trixie this pep talk?”
Octavia rolled her eyes with a crooked smile. “He may have. He’s very good at indirect interference, my husband.”
Trixie glowered. “If it’s indirect then why do you bother? Aren’t the Archons in Celestia’s camp? Doesn’t that make Trixie your enemy, should she side with Luna?”
Octavia’s smile dropped to a stern frown. “The Archons are loyal to Fine Crime and to Equestria. Our relationship with the princess is not by choice. And,” she added with emphasis, “if that relationship could be severed, we would consider the pony responsible a friend.”
Trixie stared, eyes wide as she took in those words. “You’re far more direct than your husband.”
“I have an advantage over him,” Octavia admitted.
“I don’t have to dance on daggers with every waking moment.”
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I can see it's still going to be a while before Trixie and Luna work out their... relationship? I guess that's what it is.
More secret societies. What is this, the Marvel/DC universe?
As much as the downtime has helped flesh out Luna and Trixie's weird dynamic, I'm getting antsy about seeing the upcoming fight with Twilight. From the cryptic messages you've been leaving us, it sounds like it's going to be a game changer.
3390252
The only reason it took so long to get to it was because I wanted to put a little more development into the TrixieXLuna relationship, which was pivotal to what was going to be happening soon.
Well then I have good news: the fight, it is next.
A game changer? Cryptic messages? Why, whatever are you speaking of?
I was curious how you were going to handle the romance angle. After all, you did manage to block it a fair bit at first, and getting it in once Trixie was distrustful of Luna would take some shoehorning. But it seems you've turned the shoehorning into part of the arrangement, with Trixie confused by her own feelings. Interesting. Not ideal, but interesting. Maybe Luna can benefit from that too.
Octavia's characterization is interesting. Capricious, a sideline player. I've seen it done in a few fics. It's good.
Of course, being dead has never stopped anyone from making an impact on a story. Or staying dead at all. I remember a round-robin work where I brought back three characters who had previously been hacked to death. In part because I had plans for them, but mostly to spite the previous writer for thinking she could just go around killing off characters she didn't like. Ah, good times.
3392122
Throwing Trixie's feelings around the ring was the only way I would consider the romance even minutely realistic, and realistic behavior is an important thing to me. I agree, it's not ideal... but it works. In fact, it works really well, considering what I plan to do in the next fight. It's given me an opening.
I'll be honest, I seriously considered bringing Lightning back. There was some potential there that sounded like a lot of fun. But then I thought of how much I hate when that happens in other stories, and nixed it. It's one thing if there's a chance the character survived and it can be done without ridiculous plot explanations (Oh, that was a clone. The real me had been kidnapped by supervillain X, who held me captive for the past 5 years. duh!). If a character is dead, I prefer to keep it that way, otherwise death itself isn't all that big a deal anymore(comic books, anyone?).
Well, I didn't expect that.
8310026
The "FineCrimesuperbowl"? Now that's an interesting term.
Looking forward to figuring out how to handle that in the prequel.