Most of my uploads are going to be commission's and sometimes the author's wish to stay anonymous. Please respect their decision.
1000 years after Nightmare Moon came to be and Princes Celestia was banished to the sun. The ponies live in perpetual darkness, the changelings have a strong grip on Canterlot and Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis rule side by side over pony and changeling kind.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh sweet Jesus, that spelling cracked my shit up.
I never thought that i would read and let alone like a story where the main character was the villain. But so far this is a very intriguing story, and i hope to be able to read more very soon!
The idea isn't bad, but the execution is. Much of your dialogue is stilted and you have the narration or characters tell us what's going on in broad strokes instead of actually describing it. Instead of having Nightmare Moon suddenly realise she has no idea how to run a country, it would be better to show her struggling with doing so first and then realize it. Similarly, saying everything was smooth under Chrysalis instead of showing her actually fixing any problems doesn't really make the audience feel like she's done anything.
2935928
Firstly I am not a high level writer this is a hobby that I enjoy. I hope that I get better at it through practice and that's the only way to get better. Thank you forever for being mildly positive about it.
2935960
Practice and having people point out your mistakes so you can try to fix them next time is the best way to get better yes. It does no good to practice wrongly over and over, since all that does is ingrain bad habits. I'm not trying to be cruel here, I think if this had been better written the idea would have been a good one for a story.
This. Speaking of the devil. I was just complaining about the lack of nightmare night stories. Then this pops up. I am so going to make a piece like this. After the interactive special I am planning. Gloriousness everywhere.
2935996
Honestly I wrote this on a whim. I just had the thought and wanted to get it done that night and I was getting less incline to write detail as I went on. It being 3 am when I finished it you can understand where I'm coming from. You'll probably say space your writing out but I wanted to get it done before I went to bed so I could wake up to see it published. The next chapter will be much better. I hope...
2936232
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Its honestly just a hobby I'm trying for a while.
2934522
I read strictly changeling fics so the bad guy is always the main character. I really pondered on the idea of changelings likening the changes Nightmare Moon intended because my head cannon of them is that their a very bug like race with developed night vision.
But thank you for the kind words!
Hmm..... midnight ball ey? That's new. Its sounds very eligent and suffistikated. (Sorry if some of the words aren't spelled right)
Any way this story is really coming along!
3007447
Thank you! That means a lot
it Gray vs black.
Now we have kinda evil vs soul-crushingly evil ,WONDERFUL do you agree
3062154
Indeed I do agree. Night has been softend by the 1000 years shes spent as ruler so she isn't as evil as she once was but now that Celestia is back in the form of Sun Stroke she may have to kill her sister. You'll have to wait and see what happens.
3063696
However chrysalis as powerful aswell she was in Cantlot wedding or even more possibility since nmm give her true love to feed on
have you ask yourself that question
3063833
I'm not sure I understand but I think your asking if chrysalis wasn't in Canterlot wedding she would be weaker due to the fact she hasn't had true love to feed on. This is not true for she has had the love of her subjects to contend with... and there may be a surprise coming later on
3064941
I was say is She Stronger because she did have True love to feed on
3068876
And who says she doesn't now?
Oh! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
are any of the mane 6 going to be in this
3237323
That would be telling :P
OMG!!! This is exitiiiiiiiing!
2935960 It might be worth your time to pass the story through a proofreader. By doing this, you can provide a higher-quality story without adversely affecting the rate at which you write.
Also, spell-check software will be insufficient. Even the following horribly wrong sentence is spelled correctly: "Wee have are spelling checkers, they tell us what we aught to right."
When I read that I got the urge to put some Chris Rock videos on this comment, maybe you want to reword it a bit.
3323192
Ah yes my finest representation of a drunk changeling
oh i wonder whats going to happen to twilight.
This story is in dire need of pre-reading and editing and proofreading assistance. However...
I have to admit, this line cracked me up.
3351396
Everybody makes mistakes
Great job on it I'm watching this story
Good a little to long becuse I forgot most of the storyline
3541991
Sorry about that. I didn't mean to be gone so long but I just had important things to get done.
3542356 it's alright if it ever happens again maybe a thing to catch you up on the story
3542356 for some odd reson this song comes to mind when they going off to fight Tia
[youtube=OrIPF-t5ewE]
Wow, just found this half an hour after it was posting. I look forward to this next few chapters.
Funny how the student of celestia, taught to fight evil and disharmony, is now working for evil and disharmony to go against celestia. Of course this is an alternate universe but still it's nice to have an exact opposite role played here by twilight.
3576742
Well thanks. By the way could you do me a favour? I know you don't know me or anything but can you tell me if this sort of thing has been done before? I looked and couldn't find anything.
Twi-Evil lol maybe later they go the real MLP universe and invade it after Celestia
3577721 so far in the stories I've been reading this is entirely original, but I'll look into it. Expect results soon.
3580765 I've done some poking around, tried multiple different combinations of tags, tried everything I could think of, but after this brief search I can safely conclude: if there is anything similar, it's not highly rated. In addition they would still be very different by things such as writing style and perhaps outcomes. There are definitely those with alternate universes that include nightmare moons victory, others that include chrysalis in the same scenes as friends with the other royals, but so far none that had both in the same story, much less with ideas and story lines like yours.
So this is entirely new and original if you ask me, but if in the future I do stumble across something similar, you'll be the first one I tell of it.
(Wow, I go for a brief report on my findings and this is probably the longest comment I wrote... I guess being brief is not my forte)
3580848
Thank you my good man :3 I can continue writing safe in the knowledge that I wont be called out for copying another writer.
Dem Formatting Errors
Lot of formatting errors, but all in all pretty good, though the chapter is more of a good chapter for the future possibilities than the chapter itself I'm sorry to say.
4021881
I fixed the errors but as the chapter goes I'm not that great of a writer and I'm terrible with fight scenes.
4022131 can't blame you, most people are,
The chapter itself wasn't bad because of it, but the future chapters from after are what's going to make the story good.
Look forward to reading the next chapter though.
4023207
Its why I write. So other people can enjoy it and as long as at least one person enjoys it I'm happy
We'll welcome back this story
7003534
Currently on a hiatus while i work on my fallout Equestria fic but im glad you liked it.
I love this and want more. Any way we could co collab on something?