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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sure, you can call it that makes it original, and besides as great man once said, "Why the f**k not?".
Damn it Moon-Moon
Got only to chapter 2...
This guy is not a thief. He is carrying far too much equipment with him to even BREATHE silently. Rifle, shotgun, .357 Magnum? Not one, but TWO? This guy is equipped to take out a small army! I mean seriously, if you were to go sneaking one night, what would you bring?
For one, definitely a knife. A thief's bread and butter. A multitool in it's own right, a good thief could use a knife to do just about anything.
A bumper key and locksmith's tools. A MUST for any thief, be they old or new.
If you must have a gun, stick with a small pistol with a silencer. .22 Beretta is a good choice. Maybe a Colt 1911 if you want a bit more kick. ALWAYS A LAST RESORT.
Combat boots are a no go. Any good thief wishes to be silent, and the way to do so is through the right choice in footwear. What you would be looking for is something supple, worn and pliable with a soft sole. Combat boots were not designed with stealth in mind. Just put on a pair and try to sneak around. THUMP THUMP THUMP. No matter how hard you try, or how soft you try actually, the hard, thick, rubber soles of combat boots are just too hard to absorb noise. I mean, you could sneak on carpet fine, but the carpet is the thing absorbing the sound.
And seriously, a leather coat? I can understand the hood, good choice there, but leather has a habit of making noise. If it is wind blowing the coattails, or the squeaking of form fitting leather, in all it is a bad choice. Your clothing should reflect the mission you are going on really, but a good choice in all matters is cloth. Cotton or wool are great heat insulators and would be great for colder climes. Silks are pretty swell. Spandex just likes to ride up yer ass. Latex, like leather is too noisy. Also usually shiny. As for the color, that is a no brainer. Dark colors, usually a similar color to your environment. Black isn't always the best choice. Greys on grey, greens on green, browns on brown, etc. etc.
Usually, for miscellaneous tools, a thief would have a tech expert. Especially if they are modern day. IR goggles and Nightvision goggles are the most common thing. If IR goggles are unavailable, try a spray of some kind to reveal those pesky IR beams.
And most important of all? Intel. Intel, intel intel. A good thief always scopes a place out before hitting it.
Now I know I said a bunch of stuff that you had not really mentioned so far, but I felt like I had to go over the whole checklist with you. If you wanna write a good character, always ALWAYS research their 'Profession' beforehand. It will save you in the long run.
tl;dr This guy isn't a thief, he is a fucking soldier in disguise.
Just caught up this morning and a new chapter appears. Quite enjoying it so far, keep up the good work.
Nice. Chapter was excellent.
4529405 your problem? I like the *slightly* sneaky vigilante who has a gun.
4529581 If anything, he is more of a rouge than a thief. I understand that he is a new writer, but my problem is how "popular" this had become. For a second, it was in the featured box and it just annoys me when things like this happen. It just happened to have the bad luck of being there while I was drinking...
4529612 well, you know how to do it. Buisnesses that have IR beams are a bit too high risk for too low reward though. What ya gonna do? Steal their bills? Their furniture and paperwork? Best you can hope for is a couple hundred dollars in the register. Go for vacationers homes, or summer or winter residences. Take only jewelry, cash, and guns. Unless you're ballsy and have a pickup. Then you can branch into TVs and electronic equipment, but then you have to be careful you don't pick up any tracking devices
Edit: if you can get your hands on sensitive documents or plastic, then there are a few people who will take that off your hands, depending on whether they can use it or not
Edit edit: why would you ever carry a .45 or a 22 lr? Cops ever catch you armed with something like that, that's armed robbery. Trench knife for attack dogs, and that's it for armaments
4530372 Yeah, that is if you wanted to make a profit. While I was just covering all my bases, I have never truly broken into someone's home. I just like picking locks as a hobby. Though if I am in a hurry, or forget my tools, I just use my health insurance card. Pain in the ass with most new doors, but that was how I did it in high school.
4530393 man people get paranoid about their homes, you have no idea. One break in, then security in the entire city gets tighter
4530393 i use my library card...... or my foot
4530393
Yes, this is all great information, but realistically, not everyone would know that. Some people would only care to know that if it was relevant to their interests. In story, at some point I explain that Kestral wasn't anywhere close to a professional, he had only burglarized once prior to Equestria, and that most of his money was from pick-pocketing. I'll end up explaining why he picked out all the crap he did in a later chapter, but otherwise, i see your point on why it's stupid for a "thief" to pack so much.
I need to say thanks, though. Even if you dislike the story, i appreciate that you gave me the time to explain why.
And a question; When you say you have 'a problem with how "popular" this had become', are you talking about my story specifically, or just thieving stories in general?
EDIT: By the way, where do you see that he has two pistols? I do not remember writing such a thing.
I all ready like moon-moon.
4530911 Oh, I'm not going to thumbs it down or anything, it was just unlucky enough to have been in my sight after a bad day and some alcohol. I apologize about the whole "rant" if you require me to, otherwise take it as advice. As for the popular thing? I have seen many stories, most grammatical atrocities against the written word, up on the Featured Stories or Popular Stories lists. As for your story, it is rather good, grammar and spelling wise, but I only took offense because it is one of my particular interests. I had to live a month in my car, eating what I could steal from Wal-Mart. Not hard, really.
You really shouldn't take it as a personal slight, but rather as me getting pissed at the Feature system. It is just many GOOD stories might not make it up there because some bad writer knows jow to play the system right. I'm sure it is a decent story, but you just won't see me reading it.
4532150
Ah, in that case, i take no offense. I don't know what it's like to live under those conditions, so my accuracy on that part of the matter isn't going to be perfect. As for the apology; none is needed, the explanation is suffice.
I wish you well, though. I shall try to take some consideration on the 'rant'. After all, it still has some material that i could learn.
Best of luck,
Alexander Jack
4533423 Y'know, I really hope you do get more notoriety here. If only because you can actually take criticism like a true gentleman.
4540796 I like to see ponies fight, and Rainbow dash is my favorite character.
I'm glad that you put that there, granted even when there are sex scenes I always just skip over it all and continue the story. But it's nice when the author specifies the reason for the 'Sex' Tag so I don't have to worry about half the story being sex scenes, or accidentally reading part of a Dark-As-All-Get-Out Rape Clop and getting mentally scarred . (I find it a little... messed up? that people write those, not to mention the fact that people actually read and enjoy it.)
Oh my god! Moon-muthafuckin-moon!
DAMN IT MOON-MOON
Goddamnit moon moon!
Considering that he killed two timberwolves and let one live... I am expecting Moon- Moon to either try to get revenge, or to befriend him.
"God dammit, who the hell invited Moon Moon along!?"
"Like, seriously, I sound like that one regarded werewolf who everybody blames their problems on."
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/df/80/99/df809977cb90f441a6ce19dea37885b5.jpg
Best. Chapter. So far.
Man, that shoot-out scene was great specialy with what preluded it. That exchange of opinion between longsword and the two nightguards was a great icing to the proverbial cake, it more than justified some of the important elements of the story (shedding valuable insight behind the motivation of the guards to capture kestral) it also made for a nice (somewhat brief) exploration of the questionable nature of morality about kestral's deeds.
Wew. Well done sir
Read...sleep...read...sleep..read..sleep..read..sleep.read.sleep.readsleepreadsleepreadsleepreadsleepreadsleepreadsleep
The choice is difficult.
if celestia was a goddess then she wouldn't need the elements to seal discord, and she would see what the changelings were doing, ERGO, SHE HAS A HIGH THAUMATIC LEVEL, NOT THE POWER OF A GOD
4529405
a good thief always has an emergency prybar as well, which luckily he does have. If you need to crack a crate or similar container open, or get a window open when you have no other method of entry, it's the best choice.
Bet moon moon runs right towards him.