write more so awesome XD

i like to see more

What a great start. I'm looking forward to what happens in the next chapter.

more please

Great start but would you like an editor?

2864836 agreed their is some mistakes in this (haha just noticed a day later I used the wrong "their" in telling you that you made some mistakes *there)

Not bad, cliche, but not bad)
I think if you will get an editor it can get better.

I really like the story can't wait for more

2867520 Is it paragraph spacing, indentions, mispelling...??

2871871

Greg is 6 foot 2 inches, black with a fro and sideburns like the 60’s and a stache and goatee combo.

run on sentence.

The two ponies we’re just outside of Ponyville, close to the Everfree Forest.

it's were not we're

“Look her comes a good one” said Twilight as the clouds above them built up, creating electric charges creating well developed lightning.

it's here not her.

Ok these are three I found. There may be more, but this was as far as really wanted to go. If you want I could proof read your stories idk. Anyways I did this on my phone and didn't really want to go back and forth proof reading the entire chapter. Mainly cause it is tedious.

So far so good I dont know if it feels rushed though

Feels rushed. Also passed out from a twisted ankle or a broken hand what pusscakes.

Most of your mistakes seem to be the normal ones you tend to make when writing: a few misspelled words, words missing. The strangest was the use of tense at the beginning. It started the story in third person perspective but with current tense instead of past tense. Otherwise this was a good first chapter.

I love it so far and can't wait to see what happens next.