Dusk Blast finds herself taking on the role of Captain America as her friend Gearshifts newest invention goes horribly wrong, transporting her to another universe seemingly set in a 1940s America filled with ponies.
Dusk Blast finds herself taking on the role of Captain America as her friend Gearshifts newest invention goes horribly wrong, transporting her to another universe seemingly set in a 1940s America filled with ponies.
Sweet Mother of God.
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0/10 would not read.
This needs...a lot of work. I had no idea who was speaking at the unmarked spoken lines. Also the pacing of this was faster than Rainbow Dash during a Sonic Rainboom. Grammar is another issue. May I suggest an editor...or two. Also the guys over at the Proofreader Group could probably lend some assistance. Sorry if this is a little harsh but I give this a 1/10 .
2867784
Finally, someone who gives actual advice and isn't just trolling. I will try to work on pacing and editing things to be clearer before I start work on anything else.
2867813
Its no problem. First fics are always a little hard. Thanks for the follow by the way