• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 11th, 2018

Gravemindzombie


T

Dusk Blast finds herself taking on the role of Captain America as her friend Gearshifts newest invention goes horribly wrong, transporting her to another universe seemingly set in a 1940s America filled with ponies.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

Sweet Mother of God.

0/10 would not read.

This needs...a lot of work. I had no idea who was speaking at the unmarked spoken lines. Also the pacing of this was faster than Rainbow Dash during a Sonic Rainboom. Grammar is another issue. May I suggest an editor...or two. Also the guys over at the Proofreader Group could probably lend some assistance. Sorry if this is a little harsh but I give this a 1/10 :twilightoops:.

2867784

Finally, someone who gives actual advice and isn't just trolling. I will try to work on pacing and editing things to be clearer before I start work on anything else.

2867813

Its no problem. First fics are always a little hard. Thanks for the follow by the way :twilightsmile:

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