The Everfree Forest... Today, these words are able to fill a pony with fear - fear of the unnatural forest that grows and thrives by itself, without pony magic. But what most modern ponies don't know is that their culture, and even the history of their greatest magic, can be traced to the roots of the Everfree, deep below...
This is the tale of two unicorns who paved the way for the advent of Harmony, and also their quest for magical knowledge.
Cover art courtesy of stheneboea on DeviantArt.
Just in case you're interested, I do use the expanded Dovahzul lexicon from thuum.org in this story.
UPDATE 11/26/13 Origins is 100% compatible with Season 4!
UPDATE 10/6/13 Updated to include the "Gore" tag because there may be some blood in future battle-scenes.
I told you I'd read it.
Not bad for a first story. Certainly longer than mine.
Some nitpicks:
A few grammar errors here and there.
You should separate thoughts from other text very clearly. I recommend using italics for thoughts. It's annoying, yes, but it makes it so much easier on the reader.
A few awkwardly worded bits
Other than those quite excusable issues, it's pretty good.
On to the next chapter!
Also, FIRST!!!!!
Write on,
Legion
Well, that escalated quickly.
I wonder what kind of creature foalnapped her?
Please do continue this. I am enjoying it quite a bit.
Write on,
Legion
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Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm glad you like it
Woo-hoo! More of this!
So, it was lizard-people, huh? I wonder what they want with her... Guess I'll have to wait 'till next chapter to find out!
Keep up the good work!
Write on,
Legion
You might want to go over this chapter again, there were a few issues. For instance, you left some numbers in the prophecy that I don't think were meant to be there...
Quite the 180 here. Last chapter, they were the evil lizard-men who foalnapped Forest, and now they're a peaceful kingdom forced into war. Interesting perspective change...
Write on,
Legion
3284554 Yeeaaahhh... For some reason when I imported the Google doc it gave me a closing italic tag like this: [/]. Fimfiction derped me
And don't count on those lorions being all fuzzy and cuddly... they can kick serious flank when they want to. They just didn't want to tick off Midnight after they figured that his student was their "promised one"
And thanks for commenting! Keeps me on my toes.
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Trust me, I know how dangerous an angry lizard-man can be...
ddragon.leagueoflegends.com/cdn/img/champion/splash/Renekton_0.jpg
In case you don't recognize him, this is Renekton from League of Legends. As a sentient bipedal alligator with anger issues, let's just say he's called "The Butcher of the Sands" for a very good reason... He also happens to be what I keep seeing whenever I try to get a mental picture of the Lorions.
Write on,
Legion
Geez, that's pretty quick for a whole set of custom armor to be made...
I'm calling it now, the Lost Tribe are Humans.
One big error I spotted:
You say that Midnight was assigned to the Battlemages twice. Redundant and annoying.
Brex makes me like him more and more with every chapter (even though my mental image of him is still Renekton. I can't seem to shake that
).
Was that "ancient language of the ponies" at the end based on something, or made up entirely?
Write on,
Legion
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Nice catch! Yes, I decided to use Dovahzul, the fan-expanded Dragon language from Skyrim for the "ancient language" of Equestria, because it's awesome.
I figure the Empire uses Latin-type stuff, while the lorions all like to us Dovahzul, aka Ancient Language for being solemn, etc.
All will be made clear in time, Young Padawan...
Well... that would be interesting, wouldn't it?
Here, have some (late) noms.
I'm definitely still enjoying the story (though I still keep imagining Brex as Renekton...), even after the long update time.
And darn you for the cliffhanger. I wanted to see what the Forge looks like, and now I have to wait for two chapters.
Keep it up, 'cuz I want to read more!
Write on ,
Legion
I've read this story so far and I'm surprised it doesn't have more views. I like how the story is progresses and its nice to see creatures that you don't see in the show. The lizards are really interesting with their history and culture, and I'm even more interested how you will show the ponies. By the way, when does this take place? Just curious.
Keep up the good work. I hope to read more in the future.
-W.S.
3872896 Thanks for the comment! I feel extra motivated to get Chapter Seven finished now ;)
Origins begins a couple thousand years before Hearth's Warming. If I ever get to a sequel/second book (my goal is to kind of make this a series) then it would probably describe more of what happens between Origins and Hearth's Warming.
Wow. You've certainly piqued my curiosity. I love the history mentioned in this chapter and nice to see Lyra's ancestor in the story. Also, I'm really interested about the precursors (I'm betting they're really humans). Can't wait to see more.
-W.S.
I might not have as much to say as others, but I enjoyed your story and you earned my fave and follow.
3912912 Thanks! If you don't mind me asking, how did you find my story?
3913879 I won't lie, I found it forever ago and put it on my read later list. (which is an infinite amount of stories long
) But yours stood out and I read it first and fell in love... with the story of course.
I keep forgetting to read this when it updates.
A frighteningly accurate description...
The precursors were almost certainly humans, which ironically puts this story of "ancient times" untold centuries in the future...
And of course Lyra's ancestor is a part of the group the studies them. Why wouldn't she be?
Hopefully I'll actually read this when it updates next time, instead of way later, because I'm really eager to see where this goes.
Write on,
Legion
I was going through my favorites and found this again. I'd forgotten how much I loved this story when you were still writing it. I don't know if you ever plan to continue, but I know I for one miss seeing this update.
Write on,
Legion
5867711 Thanks for the kind words!
I would love to get back on this project, and I know it has potential... but the first three chapters need to be completely revised, and I've found that my muse for this story is elusive and hard to find. But I know I'll get around to it eventually.
Thanks again!
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If you happen to be in need of an editor for said revisions (and/or new chapters), I'd be happy to help.
Write on,
Legion
Ambitious Alliteration! You should finish this story.