The Gods Among Us: A Gleaming Blade

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F1utt3rshy

F1utt3rshy #1 · Jul 7th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: Chain Smoker ·

just noticed some of the Generals weren't capitalized but besides that its pretty good

keep up the good work

Roy Fury

Roy Fury #2 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1: Chain Smoker ·

Not bad! Concept is ambiguous, but it works well the way you are introducing your readers to the plot line. The characters seem somewhat strong and thought out, though it's hard to tell with a single chapter. The Third-Person-Shoulder Narration is fairly well done. The detail is good and I like that you only give as much as Cladus experiences at the given time. The fact that you start from the middle of a scene gives the same level of confusion and chaos that the characters feel being in TFF.

My only real critique right now is the lack of the same detail in the intimate scene as the rest of the events. However, I can understand it given the pretense of the act being almost ritualistic more than loving and compassionate.

All in all, good work, looking forward to chapter 2.

TheNorthernT