Thanks to some sound business practices and some well invested bribes, bit monger and CEO of C.E. Gem & Steam "Princess" Cadance runs her multi-million bit empire from the comfort and privately owned Crystal City. Life as never been better for the young CEO but some bad ponies from the "Workers Fair Treatment" or WTF committee are once again trying to ruin her fun.
How will Cadance stand firm against against this evil committee and the rising number of ponies wanting more than one break?
More importantly how much is this going to cost?
Chapters (8)
I came here expecting a nice, wholesome tale of ruthless capitalism and Pinkerton-esque antics. While you have indeed fulfilled these expectations, there's one thing preventing me from really liking this. Okay, a lot of things. Mainly the frequent grammar and spelling errors, and I'm pretty sure you changed tense at least twice here. You might want to get an editor.
2826813 Haha thanks for pointing that out king. I try my best as it is and have been looking for a proofreader for some time now, but everytime It looks like I found one they just vanish. I'll be going back over this with a dictionary now since its finished. Once more thank you for pointing that out and I'm glad I at least got the capitalism/ Pinkerton antics down enough. This lilttle slice of life is base on that era.
2827770 No offense to your dictionary-fu, but the problems are a bit deeper than a couple typos. I'd recommend you search for help in one of our many, many groups.
2830876 None taken. Thank you for the link.
That cover art sold me. Great story. Noticed a few Grammar and Spelling mistakes, but it's okay on the main part.
+1
This deserves way more views.
Ok, my first review! Squeee!
Name of Story: (mess up, sorry!) The Life and Times of a Bit Mongel.
Grammar Score out of 10: 10
Pros:
1. Very witty and lighthearted (to me at least!)
2. Cadance's personality
3. The general idea!
Cons:
1. Title should not have period
2. The pace was a tad quick
3. Not much is told about the world itself (made me a bit confused)
Notes: The chapter title, firstly, should be something like "A Bit Earned is Another $574,872 Bits I Made" or "A Bit Earned... is Another $574,872 Bits I Made" etc. The overall title should lose the period, and what does mongel mean? You should elaborate a tad more about what is changed, say, make it longer to do that because I was very confused. How did Cadance get a company and her title? Why is her attitude and personality different? Describe more about the room she is in, about what her company does. Slow down to describe more and let us get a feel for the new universe. I enjoyed this story overall though.
2876928
HaHa Thanks for the review Rainbow_Flash. To answer a few questions, I mainly wrote this story because of the picture. I dont remember where I found it but I like it so much that I decided to write about it.
The reason the pacing is quick is because I want the chapters to be short, but enjoyable readings where the reader doesn't have to invest a lot of time into reading it. Its one of those read in 5 minutes and be done with the chapter SOL.
Another reason for the lack of world building info is mostly because the story is a Slice of Life fic, so I'll be adding many tidbits of info and just daily life in the company from many different p.o.v's.
As for Cadance, I'll explain more about her in future chapters but mainly I want her to still feel the same and also show genuine concern for the ponies that work for her. But because of her "work ethic" her mind still thinks like a business mare so her decisions normally may not seem all heartfelt. She is a C.E.O after all so her mind all about making bits and keeping a nice public image.
If you want a story that has greater detail and setting may I suggest another story of mine?
P.s Monger means "A dealer in a specific commodity."
I hope this clears some of the mess up a bit, and once again thank you for the review.
2877333 You're welcome!
So are you adding in all the mane 6 and friends to this story.
3303998 To be honest I'm not entirely sure. This was an idea I had for this chapter and went with it, but who knows I might. A fluttershy that leads a hippe style sit in against the greedy Cadance corporate empire sounds like a funny chapter!
3304026 Well cool look forward to the protests.
I love how you wrote Rarity and Trixie! I think they are on par with how they would act. I was kinda confused by who was whose husband but I think I have it figured out now. I hope to see more from this story!
3401669
That is great to here! When I was writing this scene out that was my biggest concern if Rarity or Trixie would feel in character. And really who do you think their husbands are? To be honest Trixie's husband is an Oc (Just somepony I made up) while Rarity's husband is a reference
3402695 Ah now I see who is who lol! I thought that was the case but wasn't sure until now. Cant wait to read more!
Dash is likely doomed now. The S 1000 will come after her at the behest of CMCnet.
The sad thing is I could really see this happening to Shy.
*reads the first chapter*
Huh.
*skips to the latest chapter*
7 years is a long time.
10296697
Indeed, but I'm finally going back and finishing many of older works as part of a challenge for myself. I got three other chapters written I need to finish before tackling the final ones.
10296512
You really think so? I'm glad this chapter comes off believable because damn this took me a while to write (on and off).
10297592
Yeah I could see her passivity leading to this. I dread to think just how annoying they would have to be to trigger some of her reactions.
Kind of want a picture of Luna as a rail baron now.
10298112
Ha! There some some things about modern life Luna finds fascinating if only on a intellectual level, and the concept of trains is one such concept. Only second to the idea of crystals that 'summons' another pony's image to allow communication between the two.
But I can assume you're enjoy the story so far?
10298997
Yes. The oddities of crazed capitalism and the adaptations of the characters to fit that mold are interesting.
10299445
Glad to hear. This story will be short, and end once each of the Elements have their own chapters followed by two or three to wrap up some things.
Maybe I’m reading it wrong but this chapter makes it sound like Shiny has been married multiple times when Cadence describes the photos.
10331707
You'll have to point those parts out, but there are multiple photos of the family scattered between the rooms.
10332055
Right before it goes to Twilight Cadence is standing before a photo described as Shiny standing with his new bride. Something about the wording of that section just seems to have a slightly odd connotation.
10332095
Ah ok, I gotcha. It was meant to show how much time had past between the two photos, but it looks like switched view points. I'll go back and look at it once I get the chance.
Review
Here is your long awaited review, I hope you find it helpful~