I noticed that your fic isn't exactly being well received. Would you like me to offer a few tips and pointers?

This is my first story so don't be to critical, i don't mind friendly criticism but don't be rude, if there is something wrong with the story please tell me, it will help me make better story's. I don't plan on only making clop fics, this was just and idea i had and i wanted to get it out of my head :P

2781363 Yes please, anything that would help would be nice

2781414 1st I have to say that every story has to be grammatically sound so I recommend capitalizing the beginning of every new sentence and all I's. No i just I. It's a menial problem but the readers here will chew you up for it. The commas are nearly non-existant and it's kind of messy all around. I either suggest a proofreader or you read all of the featured fics and see how they do it.

2nd is that you have to be weary of a clop fic with a human tag. You have to ask yourself, Is it normal for a pony to get so comfortable with a being it has never seen so quickly? To want to have sex with said being moments after they've met? It's unrealistic and it would've worked better if you had made it a longer romance. If readers see you fucking Trixie immediately when you appear in Equestria than they're going to see it as plain old wish fulfillment. Not good. You have to make it original and believable! If it's a self insert than save the sex until the story has progressed further than just one or two chapters.

3rd Sex isn't just sticking your dick into something. It's a whole shit storm of everything ranging pain and joy to guilt and sweat and smells and yelling and screaming and so on and so forth. Add more emotion and feeling to the sex scenes.

2781503 I thank you for your input, and i understand it's not all that amassing >.> It is of course my first story. Spelling and grammar has never been my strong suit, but what you said has definitely helped me figure out what i need to fix so i thank you for that

Trixie smirks. "Heavy? Trixie is a unicorn, the greatest and most powerfulest she might add" said Trixie.

The Great and Illiterate Trixie XD

Nice idea. Only a couple issues:
-Grammar
-Pace
-Description of clop scenes
-Point of View changes
-Trixie is fine with being raped against a tree after nearly drowning due to surprise sex?

All in all, 7/10.

This story is like salted chocolate. It draws you in with its deceptive sweetness, and by the time you taste it, you can't turn back.

Also, I like the explanation for the portal. My favourite explanation for a spontaneous Earth/Equestria portal, if I dare say.

Props to you.

First line man the FIRST line and I knew oh god harry potter in 3D BULLSHIT but I don't care because this guy is funny! Good job man keep it up!

2783605 Thanks man :P I'm glad you liked it. comments like yours make my day.

Not bd.
A little fst, but still like-worthy.
I would recommend you flesh the chapters out a bir more.

this is balls.

Well.... Bkill253 sent me here.... I was mostly just laughing the entire time! XD

Well I believe Rolls Royce likes it.