On the Wings of a Pegasus

by zlyfire

Ch 1: Mestrialus

Tyranny. That's what we ponies now live in.

Generations ago, a Unicorn named Uial Tinta ousted the princesses, Celestia and Luna, with almost the entire race of Unicorns behind him with the ideas of “racial superiority” and “Unicorns are best ponies.” They even renamed the land from Equestria to Mestrialus for reason I can't fathom. We're not even sure if either princess survived, but we haven't seen them since the coup.

Now, we are forced to slave away, us Pegasi and Earth Ponies. The Unicorns rule from Canterlot, now a Unicorn-only metropolis. Stuck-up jerks. Though we have made progress in technology, inventing fancy contraptions like the computer, though I don't understand mane nor flank of it, though my best friend knows all there is, and more, about them. Her hooves just fly at the keyboard, I think that's what it's called, though why aren't there pretty pictures and just click them instead of fifty letters to say hi. Hurts my head, it does.

Oh buck, I haven't even said my name yet. I'm Crimson Flair, a Pegasus everpony should know. My red coat simply sparkles, as do my matching wings. My black mane, highlighted in pink, simply attracts the audiences' eyes. My cutie mark is of a rainbow firework, and yes, I am a showpony. Unfortunately, our most benevolent leader, the mighty king Tyr Nightenstar, doesn't think us lesser races are worthy of entertainment, just that all we need is work. Bunch of crap his national broadcast system pumps out. If you ask me, he's worse than bathing in year-old apple cider made from rotten apples and tree branches. Instead of fulfilling my talent, I haul stone and other construction materials up to the top of construction projects, like a statue carved in the image of his loathsomeness, everyday. Always been tempted to “accidentally” drop a particularly large stone on one of the Unicorn's heads, but I know they'd just levitate it at me, hit me, then lock me up, so I don't do that.

Today, however, was different. It was a rare time in this life: a day off. The overlords didn't have any work for us, so we could just chill all day. I decided to meet up with my fillyhood friends, Metal Forge and Hexa Byte. I called them up and asked them to meet me at a sweetshop in town, which was usually a half-hour casual flight for me, but they lived in town, so it wasn't an inconvenience.

After they agreed, I zipped on over to town in record speed, managing to
take less than fifteen minutes. Every flight I take I seem to be getting faster. Maybe the heavy lifting had a slight boon after all? Anyways, I surveyed Maresboro, the nearby town, and found the sweetshop, Sugarcube Corner, a franchise that had began before the revolution, during Luna's banishment even. It served delicious food, even if it was a commercial business.

I landed on the yard and made my way to the outdoor register, ordering a personal favorite of mine: a double cinnamon stickler. It's a very sticky bun of cinnamon and honey, coated twice in the stuff, rendering it perfectly delicious and perfectly unhealthy. I sat at an empty table, having not seen either of my friends yet, and started nibbling at my snack.

A couple minutes later I spotted Hexa Byte. I waved her over, my lips and hooves both already coated in stickler.

Now, let me tell you of Hexa. She's the tech pony I had mentioned earlier. Her coat is a light green, her mane and tail being of a darker shade, like a cucumber. Her cutie mark is the same color, though it's weird. It's of, what'd she call it, binary or something. I see a couple one's and a couple zero's but that's all. She's an earth pony too, and owns one of those fancy computers.

“Hey Crimson, how's ya today?” Hexa Byte asked me, taking a seat next to me.

“I'm good Hexa, no work today, thankfully,” I replied, offering her a bite of my sweet treat. “How about you?”

“More than good. I taught compy, y'know, my computer, how to tell if a number's prime or not. I ain't gotta think no more about it,” she informed me, smiling broadly, eliciting a few giggles from me.

“Alright then, silly filly,” I giggled out, as she then reached over and snagged another bite of my snack.

“Crim, y'know I'm older 'n you by a year”

“Only a couple months, Hexa!” I retorted, keeping my face serious enough to make me laugh at myself, and for her to join me in laughter

During our little fit of laughter, Metal Forge walked up. He's a blacksmith Earth Pony, coat of blue with a mane and tail of an indigo hue, sporting a cutie mark of a dark iron anvil. He can make metal anything, from delicate jewelry to blades and rifle barrels. Though the Unicorns of Maresboro hate to admit it, and hate more that he does it, he makes them their best arms and armor.

“So, I'm guessing my two best mares are good today?” He both states and asks as he sat across from us.

Hexa and I both nod, as I then speak up, recovering from my laughter, “Mmhmm, how about you?”

“About the same as you, in fact I also managed to score a free day. No orders to fill, no work for today, so yea, good,” he responds.

“Yay, none of us working today!” I cheer, quietly enough so as to not disturb anypony else around. “Now, I do have something a little more serious I wish to discuss with you.” My voice goes into a more serious tone, gone the laughter from earlier. “I have noticed something peculiar as of recently. On quite a few of the build projects, I noticed, though they had tried to hide and cover it up, secret things, like underground bunkers, and such similar things. Either of you notice similar unusualities?”

“Well, I have noticed something, though I'm not if it's related in any way, but I've noticed a lack of programming and software makin'. In fact, a complete halt. Even things I've uploaded to the public repository ain't there,” Hexa chimed in, looking into the sky in though.

“And I've noticed a rapid increase in demand, and thus orders, of both weaponry and armor by both Unicorns in town and out of town, except for today of course, which is also weird. Looking for such things?” Metal informed.

I listened to both in time, and nodded, “Exactly such things I'm speaking of. I think something is up, and about to happen. Get prepared to leave at the drop of a hat, I'll send a signal, something cryptic, by phone, when and if I think it's time to fly. I think the Unicorns are about to get really serious, really deadly, really fast.

“If you think so Crim, then I'll believe ya,” Hexa responded.

“I'm aboard,” Metal concurred.

“Good, now, let's have some fun!” I exclaimed, jumping up and instantly changing the mood from serious to casual. Hexa quickly agreed and followed suit, while Metal was reluctant, though he did agree.

His reluctance was well placed; for Hexa and I, our definition of fun included shopping and trying on clothes. Dresses, saddles, and even a few hats from the appropriately named “Rarity's Giant hats!” Though we mainly went to stores for mares, we weren't entirely selfish. We went with Metal to the stores he preferred too. He even got himself a new maneband, to help keep his mane from falling onto hot metal or the forge.

At day's end, we parted ways, friendly kisses all around as we then headed back to our respective homes.

Author's Note:

It's my first fanfic for anything, ever. And it's not even finished yet, just this chapter. Don't sugarcoat the critiques, but don't murder me either xD

Comments

[Theater Critic]

SELF INSERT! AAAAHHHHHHHH!

[Erebos]

Another self insert

Also unicorns are master race

[Theater Critic]

Why isn't there any dislikes! LEAVE DISLIKES!

[Theater Critic]

2743529

Can you leave a dislike? THERE IS TOO MANY LIKES FOR A SHITTY STORY!

[Roarin Thunder]

2743529 Zlyfire is a guy, so it's not a self insert. He's actually new to this and I tried to tell him to change the color of the character he created. But he wouldn't do it...

[Roarin Thunder]

2743519 He never self inserted himself into this fic.

[Celestias Paladin]

Ok I'm pretty sure this is not a self-insert but still having trouble wraping my head around the idea that all the unicorns decided to oust the Princesses, or that the unicorns allowed technology to progress since that would put Pegasi and Earth Ponies on equal footing, or that there wasn't a civil war. I'm still going to have to vote this down.

[Roarin Thunder]

2743609 Well, you're being fair at least.

[Celestias Paladin]

2743622
I also read it

[Roarin Thunder]

2743629 That's good, at least you gave it a chance.

[Celestias Paladin]

2743636
Most of the time I wouldn't but I had to see how bad it was.

[zlyfire]

2743609
Here's a little bit of extra information then:
As far as the narrator, Crimson Flair, knows, it was all the Unicorns. Add to that the propoganda from Tyr Nightenstar, and most ponies would believe that to be right.

Technology progression is just something I wanted to have some of, but not too much, so I really didn't think about the why of it, at first, but then I was like "Who says the Unicorns actually release up-to-date technology for the 'lesser' ponies?"

As for no civil war, I was self asuming it to be equivalent with the ousting of the princesses, but I guess that's a misjudgement on my part, since I do have more knowledge on this history I've given this Mestrialus/formerly-Equestria, than I've given Crimson.

But thank you for not just screaming for people to dislike it.

[Celestias Paladin]

2743659
And depending on how far in the future the story takes place, the ponies that lived during the civil war are long dead and no pony actually lived it, and the ruling class would have destroyed the history.

I gave it a chance, and yes I am not pleased with the story but I'm generally is with fics that use "all unicorns are racist a-holes*. I won't follow this, but I wish you luck and want to give you one thing to think about, if the Princesses weren't killed (and I mean all four of them were killed) then would they be waiting to take back their nation. Equestria-in-Exile, Concordia Invicta.

[zlyfire]

2743699

I left the between-times to be an ambigous length, for just that reason plus I could just ignore all the original cast, for the most part. And I wasn't even aware racist unicorns were a common thing, I thought of it and went with it. I don't read many fanfics, the only ones I have are Fallout: Equestria and Dr. Whooves by Dr. Perseus. But thank you for giving this a try. Merry ways.

[Celestias Paladin]

2743732
Having a big distance between the series and the current time makes the story a bit more believable since we know full well that the Mane6 wouldn't tolerate the coup.

It's not common much any more, but it's some that annoys me to no end. I would recommend to read some more fanfics, and to make sure to think about how the story will play out and end.

[Umachan]

2743519
Why don't you stop trolling and do a crappy youtube video or something?

Not every story is a self-insert you damn A-logger.

[Theater Critic]

2743988

I know, but this story is one.

Stop being a big dick

[Umachan]

2743998

I know, but this story is one.

Prove it.

Stop being a big dick

Make me Connor.

[Theater Critic]

2744018

It just is.

[zlyfire]

2743998

Please, do tell me how this story is a self-insert. I'd love to know, since you know me so well you can tell when a character is me /sarcasm

This story is not a self-insert. I just tend to write in first person, and do try and remember, OC is just an original character, not the author character.

[Umachan]

2743576
Conner does that because he's trying to troll shield himself from his own crappy stories.

My suggestion to the author, just block his ass. He's never going to provide you with anything positive.

[Theater Critic]

2744045

Shut the fuck up, Umachan. This is why everyone hates you.

[Umachan]

2744111
Stop projecting and come back when you can actually grow facial hair.

[zlyfire]

2744111
2744121
No personal snipes. Take that to your own walls or pm. If you don't have anything constructive to say, either good or bad, then leave.

[Theater Critic]

2744121

[Roarin Thunder]

2744045 Yeah, I can understand that. I looked at his stories and they all seem to have major hate on them. I helped this guy with some of his characters on this fic. I think this story has a really good chance, but it has to get past fail trolls before it can do much. I'm really hoping that this story will make it past the people who downvote out of spite.

[Umachan]

2745833
I'll be honest as I'll say I've seen worse, but this story really did nothing for me. The prose at times is bordering on purple and the OC has a hint of Mary Sue in that her look is overly explained.

It's not bad for a first attempt, but you're right when it doesn't deserve the hate that Theater Critic seems to want to inject into it.

[Actually leaving now]

Ehh... I've read worse, trust me.