Bowser is sent to a world that is not his own. A world with...Ponys?
Chapters (1)
Bill Crafty
Joined 14th Feb, 2012 ·
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No! My idea my beautiful idea!
Oh well you beat me to it.
I suggest that you add a description and change those squares to quotation marks. I got the same issue when I tried to copy paste from Word before.
I'll read this when you've fixed it up. Till then i'll save my rating.
*Okay, got the gist of it. I'll be kind considering i tend to make mistakes in my stories too.
You need to break line between speaking characters. Its hard to tell who is talking sometimes.
I do like how you've portrayed Bowser though.
As for the story, since I have an idea of my own for the Koopa king in Ponyville I think its best i not say anything.
Since I'm not the best at critical analysis, i'll leave the rest of the advise to others.
So... many.... typos.....
Well other then that I found this very interesting. I shall track this story as I am now looking forward to the next chapter.
i like the idea, but errors galore man...you need a good editor
Things can get wrong, and some of the things are neatness. Most people won't bother reading our story because it needs to be better formatted. You should try double-spacing between talking characters. Also, instead of a bunch of slashes, use four to five line breaks to separate parts. Other than that, great Bowser! It seems fitting for him to be an anti-pony.
I didn't no that it would change my story because I copied it from Microsoft Word! I though it wouldn't change a thing. Guess I was wrong. Next time I'll fix the change before I post my next story. I'll get around to fixing thins story in a few days. Thanks for all the reviews! I am very greatful for them. P.S. How do I use the faces? It dosn't show up when I they to use them. Please don't think I'm a bad writer or I don't now anything. I'm new to this web site and I have not written anything for a while. Plus I wrote this a while back and have not looked it over since I finished it.
Hey, Murphy? Yes. It looks like someone just invoked one of your Law's again.
My God! I'm just now reading the changes to my story... WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO IT!!! They screwed it up! I had spaced it all out but FimFiction screwed it up! I guess its my bad. Should have checked it before I entered it. Come to think of it I should have checked it yesterday and fixed the grammer... Sorry about that everyone.
I have just gone and read a few fan fiction stories and...they have bad grammer to! Bad grammer is unavoidable in stories on the net. You can even find them on real books that get sold in stores. I'm sorry if I am reviewing my own story a lot but I am excited and want to speak my mind. Thats what the net is for.
Looking at the title brings back the old Mario days... and the days of "Bowser's Inside Story." Just becasue of this, you get a track.
Although I would recommend making a description for your story.
What do you mean by description?
221115
Give a small summary of what the story is all about, we just see an image of Bowser but that doesn't give us any clue to what the story is about.
Thank you Glitchy! Now how do I do put a smile face on my comments...
221138 You mean these?
They should be on the right over by the comment text box. Just click the little on you want and it will add it.
Ok. Lets see if this works...
Yes! It works! Thanks!
I just fixed this chapter up a bit. Hope it helps.
Are you gonna update anytime soon?
...
Always. This.
When are you gonna make more chapters?
This story's really good, you should continue it. 
Who uses DollDivine pony creator for their avatar?
Nice!
Heh...
heheheh... yeh he heh...
hah hah ha...
̵̡͙̺͔̪͙̮̠̦̦̝̫̝́̐̆̀G̶̘̠̰̻͎̗͕̘̪̮̩͝Y̷̭̹̣̺͔̬̒͝Ȧ̷̻̗̦̳͎͙̟͎̰̪̊͒̾̾̈̈̾̀͝͠H̶̢̛͕͖̼̯̥̱͚̪͚̦͓͊̿̀̎̊͌͐̌͑̔͘ͅA̴̧̙̤̰̞̮̠͖̫͓͓̬͑̾͐̐H̴̩͚̦̲̜͍̫̓A̸̫̜̳͍͓̿͌͗̍̍̐͛̇̅̚͝Ḥ̴̛̫̤̘͇͔̙̉́̔̋̓̅͂̊͋̍̑͐̈͘Ã̵̛͇͍̘̰̼̮͈͚͇̳͍̃̀̽̓̑͒͑͂̂͑̕̕Ḧ̷̢̡̙̜̗͖̥̜͕̮́̀͌͊̋̄̀͠A̴͍͓̻͐̅̅͂͝͠H̴̨̲̺̣̞̱̦͍͉̀̽͆͒̓̕͠Ą̷̲̫̫̥̦͘͝H̷̳̰͚̟̒͘A̸̛̱͍̣̤͚͓͖̜̮̋̀̅͊̂̀̎̀͘ͅḨ̶̳͕̙̪͔̼̝̲̱̟̖̬̍́̽͝Ą̵̢̗̩̙̟̞͈̩̳̪͇̒̑̏̎͋͗̉̍̄̌̈́͐̋͘͘H̸̢̛̰͒̐́̈́͑͒̐̑̓̊͘ͅÁ̶̧̛̺͈̬̤̣̻̪̼̺͇͎͔͓̣͐͂̐͂̋͋̆̏̋̚̚H̵̻̗̲͂̾̎̐̉̊͜͝A̷̛̼̰̳͂̌̿̔̋̄͋͗͠H̸͎̖͍̺̱̠͓͙̦̳͋̋͒͌̂̈̀̊̆̽̂̚͘ͅĄ̸̤͔̬̩̤̍̓̈́̈́!̸̤͙̘̈́̃!̶̪̋̒̓̚͘!̶̩͚̞͓̗͚̜̟̮̆̇̀̉̌̒͂!̶̢͈̲̫͌̇
Guess what, I'm ̸̧̬͔͉͔̞̮̦̣̤̳͐̊̾͐́͑̾̚͜ ̴̞͔͓̤͓͎̜͒̄͗̌̒̀́̊ç̵̧̳̦͇̙̙͔̼̼̲͖̙̤̀͒́͜͝ȓ̴̢͖͍͓̼͇̙͇̺̱̖̈́̋̒̈́̾̒̐̇̌̾̌̏̒͠ą̶̡͖̩͖̩͕̝̉͌͒̓̽̆̽̚̚z̶̨̙̙̲̣̰̦̲̳̭̪̞̩͑͠y̵̧̨̧̥͚̣͎̞̌̆̽͋̊̃̌́̕͠͠!̴͍̬̗̤̒̉͆̌͘ Very̸̧̬͔͉͔̞̮̦̣̤̳͐̊̾͐́͑̾̚͜ ̴̞͔͓̤͓͎̜͒̄͗̌̒̀́̊ç̵̧̳̦͇̙̙͔̼̼̲͖̙̤̀͒́͜͝ȓ̴̢͖͍͓̼͇̙͇̺̱̖̈́̋̒̈́̾̒̐̇̌̾̌̏̒͠ą̶̡͖̩͖̩͕̝̉͌͒̓̽̆̽̚̚z̶̨̙̙̲̣̰̦̲̳̭̪̞̩͑͠y indeed.
Yes sir-ee, I view stories because I'm crazy.
̷̙̅̿̐̉̑̃̀̿̾̋̇͑́͜Ş̵͒̏m̶̥̪̰͉̉̀̌͆̿̂̀̓̊͠ǫ̸͙̥͍͎̞̱͕̫͕̤̋͐́͛̎͊k̵̥̘͍̻̼͗͒̎͒͌̍͝í̶̦̇̀̃̈́̀̽̀͘n̷̡̨͔̞̟̟̹̩͚͍͉̫̋̇̈́͗̒̄ͅͅ'̵̨͈̺̼͈͎̪͆̂͋̐̈́̌̅͝.̸̥̬̩̓͂̍͊̈́.̸̨̰͇͚̖͌̅͋̽̒̔̉̾̀͆̚͘.̶̝̯͚̙̱̰̳̼̣̗͍̺̯̓̽͠
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