"This is no innocuous storybook horror to be swept under the mental rug at daybreak with a hearty breakfast and a mug of tea. Two reasons: First, when I awake, I am cold and alone, and I am still being hunted. Second, more importantly, I think they can get to you from within your dreams. I am quite sure that one member of the institution that seeks me is a dreamwalker. A nurse told me this once. She said many false things, but I believe she was right about this."
Caveat lector: Mildly experimental psychological horror inspired by Ligotti and Poe. May be scary and/or plotless.
Chapters (1)
Hm.
I have to say this is rather interesting for what it is. In the bulk of the story there's very few grammatical errors and word choice is mostly on key
I realize you're trying to go with a different style of English in this but that just seems out of place. But whatever, it could just be me.
You might need to look back at the areas in grey just to make sure they flow with the story well and don't have any grammar errors.
In the end, this is a rather goo fic. I'll leave you with words of encouragement and a like on your story.
Hm.
Given the nature of the piece, I'm not sure what you could do besides draw it out more or add explanation, the later of which is antithetical to the current nature of the piece. You could always change the nature of the piece, of course, but then you're, well, changing the nature of the piece. Also, if it's (supposed to be) a journal, I could make a case to "leave it as-is, errors and all"[1].
[1] Not, mind you, that I'm saying there are any errors. I suppose there might be, but I didn't notice any.
2707218
Yeah. I think you're right. I'm happier with it now than I was when I first posted it. The burst of activity which made the story seems to give it a flavour that I couldn't have put in intentionally.
I'm not honestly sure I get this. o.O