The world of unstable magic and splitting factions is Pre-Element Equestria, and for Preston, Damien and Matt this world is now theirs...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A few grammar errors here and there, but significantly fewer then all of the chapters preceding. Good work. There's even few enough that I see right off the bat that I can point them all out:
Should be "I-it's clouds?!"
Same error as above, should be "It's".
Should be "...unicorns walking..."
2707409
Thanks
prestons amusement in clouds make me laugh
Is a 100% statement ^^
so no Interobang, instead a exclamation mark ^^
All in all your Direct speech is very good, the character speeches are really believable in this part of your writers abilities you are somewhere between the professionals, there mostly just tiny parts to become better in the narration part. I mean there where the 'Omnipresent Narrator' tells the Story.
^^ so Good work ^^