If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less / Keep me in your heart for a while—Warren Zevon
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BESET BY AN UNCERTAIN ECONOMY and uncooperative weather, the Apples hire three drifters to help out for the season. One of them desires to become more than what he's been, and nopony's life is the same again.
The characterization of everyone—from the Apples to the homeless to the one-off strangers mentioned in passing—was excellent, equal parts real and true to the show—Burraku_Pansa
Special thanks to Rainbooms and ArgonMatrix
Reviewed by Seattle's Angels in Round 38 2nd Mar 2014
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https://soundcloud.com/toddybynight5000/prologue
Hope you don't mind....
3054517
Thanks! You made my day!
Hey there, so second chapter, bit more challenging. Thanks for letting me. A reading of this chapter
I think the OC support group would also be quite welcoming of this story.
Shoot, I'm kinda takin' a liking to this fine story. Please continue pardner
3152960
Well, hot diggity damn! Somepony's readin' this after all!
It actually all written, and the chapters are just going through rewrites in pairs before I post them.
Thanks for droppin' in pardner.
3152973 Anytime, stranger!
**POSSIBLY SPOILERS**
Well, that story got me right in the gut. To be honest, I had hoped West had somehow made it out alive in the end, even though every ounce of foreshadowing said he wouldn't. The story itself is well written, the characters memorable and relatable. The Apple family is pitch perfect, behaving exactly as I would expect them to behave. I loved seeing Ponyville from a new perspective, particularly one that is so careworn and a bit world weary. I was rooting for West the whole time, and even though he didn't make it to the end, I still felt that I invested my time and effort in the right pony.
I hope you write more stories like this in the future. This was well done, it was refreshing to read, and you should be proud of your work. Favorited, Liked, and Followed.
-.Lotus
I see to what you were referring before, about Doc. I assumed Doc was merely being what he was: a drifter, someone who couldn't stay in one place, but as you've indicated, there was a much deeper reason for his lie to Granny Smith, that being he was going to actually keep a promise; that being to go out, find Shorty, and kill him. It says a great deal about Doc's change of heart, and that even in death, or because of his death, West has influenced Doc for the better, even as his future actions may not seem as such.
Excellent story. I hope it receives more attention than it has. It deserves it.
-.Lotus
Beautiful story. Really, it's beautiful. This is going in my user page favourites.
3417855
Thank you very much, and congratulations for making it all the way to the end.
I find it interesting that you went back to the source for that song. As a Dead Head, I became familiar with it via this recording from 1966. And while we are on the subject of dates…
Since I was shooting for that depression era feel, the dates are all from 1934. I think I got all the days of the week correct.
As always thanks for reading.
3418138 Well, I guess the fact that the story made me think of this song shows you succeeded at capturing the feel of that era
As for "going back to the source", this is the only version I'm familiar with. I can't say I'm much of a fan of the Grateful Dead; I only have their first two albums in my collection, and I rarely listen to those. I am a big fan of old blues like this, however.
This has been one of the best works I have read on here.
That is all I have to say on the matter.
3711225
Thanks, I really appreciate that, but most of all, I appreciate that you read the story.
Oldster, I'm impressed. I'm not going to say much here, as I have a suspicion that I'm going to be able to take a shot at doing this story justice in a larger arena about a week from now, but just know that I loved it. Excellent format, excellent atmosphere, and excellent characterization. It isn't often I get so completely sucked into a piece as I have with this one.
3987129
Don't know what to say to all that, except thanks. To know that you read it and loved it would be enough.
I saw somepony reading the chapters in order this afternoon. That seldom happens. Mostly folks pop around for one or two at random and leave. Thanks for being one of the 21% who actually read the whole thing.
PS - How'd you run into this story?
3987329
Apart from noticing it (and all of your stories) on those occasions that I see you around, this one was recommended to me by Nietzsche/Kierkegaard.
It is Las Pegasus.
This is a beautiful story. Seattle Angels is right when those ponies state that this story needs more love.
Dammit, I just had to read this before bed. Now I'm gonna cry myself to sleep.
I really grew quite a liking to West, which made the ending all the more sad.
4022439
Fixed. Thank you.
T'is a nice read. It's very straightforward and down-to-earth, and makes me feel kind of warm at the core in its simplicity.
4177298
Thank you very much. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Welp, I've lost faith in Mr. Tock. His family's reason for wanting West kicked out has't changed; they still just think he's. The only difference is that Spring approached the issue from the standpoint of being concerned. But Tock still knows they don't have anything to be concerned about, and rather than convincing them of that, or just telling them to trust his judge of character, he yields to them, and now a pony is homeless again. Guess he's not the wonderful guy we thought he was.
4194832
My intent, and obviously unsuccessfully, was to show Tock as a tired old pony, ground down by Spring. He does capitulate rather easily.
And is Spring lying about his concern? To be honest I never came to a conclusion myself. Neither he nor Tock had much of a role, so I didn't get a chance to climb into their heads much.
In any case, we couldn't have West spend all his time in the shop. Not much of a story there.
Pretty soon we'll run into other ambiguous characters. I hope you'll find them as interesting as Tick Tock and Main Spring.
I must say, I'm so happy you are taking an interest in the details of this story. Thanks for reading and commenting!
4194906 I do so for the same reason I joined Seattle's Angels and root for Spike: support for the underdog.
4195867
LOL! I have a complete understanding of your avatar now. I like Spike too, which is why I wrote his stoic and dedicated in Precious Gem and as a loyal helper to both unicorns in Circuitous Scholarship.
Let's hope he gets his due in the remainder of S4.
I really enjoyed this story. It reminded me of a lot of stories in my youth that were simple, yet rich in the lives of its characters. I really appreciate the time and effort that you have put into this story and hope that you will continue to write.
4352237
Thank you very much.
We're getting there… Two, maybe three weeks and I'll have something new. It's been a long time coming.
4352300
No need to force it.
Elderly wisdom FTW.
I enjoy these deviations from the epistolary narrative. Makes it a little more interesting by showing what other characters think of West.
This is where all three of them start to undergo a little bit of metamorphosis. West is trying to become a different, stronger, more reliable person, and it looks like it's sending ripples through the whole trio. Those ripples give me a clearer image of Doc. He's not the wise, caring mentor I first pictured him as; rather, he's more like the hobo version of a tramp or a maverick.
Destined though he was to die at the end, it was still heartbreaking. I'd like to say Shorty should've gotten some comeuppance, but he'll probably get it anyway just by going through life the way he does (I typed this before reading your Author's Note). Doc's change was probably the saddest, though; he used his string of lies to support his romanticized wanderer fantasy to keep from facing the reality of being a bum, and now he doesn't have that anymore. Poor guy. Good on him, though.
Beautiful piece of work, totally worth the read!
This was a really excellent piece with great characterization for both the OCs as well as the Apple family. Seattle's Angels compared this to The Grapes of Wrath, but I'd say a more apt comparison is to Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. Both stories are about migrant farm workers and there are quite strong parallels between Doc and George, West and Lennie, and Shorty and Curly. Plus, the central tragedy of this story is in how the forced around West (quite literally) end up crushing his optimism and his dreams.
5171648
One of my ancient memories is of attending a Cleveland Playhouse presentation of Of Mice and Men in the mid-70s. At the end, at the very moment the gun goes off, they cut all the house lights and let all these junior high students sit in stunned silence in the dark. Quite effective.
Yet I must plead Steinbeckian ignorance. My liberal arts education is inadequate and the only Steinbeck work I've read has been The Pearl. As for the two mentioned, I've never read them and can only say "I've seen the movie."
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for creating a wonderful story. This is what I was hoping Of Mice And Men would be. Where it let me down you came through.
Not to mention that I was so engaged in the story that I read it in the span of only a few hours.
What an amazing, charming story. You really have a gift of writing amazing slice of life stories. Touching, very touching.
To see West get that spark of hope and be filled with a determination to better himself, it really spoke of the good you can find in the least likely of places if you just give someone a chance.
West Wind was just downright likeable. A down-and-out pony who found something he never knew he'd been missing his whole life: family, friends, a life to call his own. His story makes me think about how it is when you adopt a senior animal from a shelter. You wish that you could've given them the perfect life right from the beginning, but even if the animal passes away far too soon for your liking, you know you gave them the best damn few months/years that they could've possibly had, and while it breaks your heart, it helps. I think if West had any sort of afterlife, he would've been sad that he died before he could really start living, but happy that he at least got a taste of what it means to be happy and have family, friends, and community.
I wonder if Shorty would've changed had he not been on the receiving end of Doc's first promise kept and the start of Doc's new life. We'll never know just how West's death would've affected him.Would Shorty have become paranoid to the point of insanity, thinking his actions were going to catch up with him every second of every day? Would the law have caught him, incarcerated him and he becomes more hardened and cold? Would he have seen the errors of his ways and try to be a good soul for the rest of his life? We'll never know those things, whether for better or worse.
Who knows what will happen to Doc. While his actions were not often pure and heck, he did take out a pony, no matter the justification behind it, it sounds like West's death was a real turning point in his life. I wish him luck on his journey to self improvement, whether the law catches up with him or not.
Overall, incredible and a joy to read!