Big Mac wakes up one morning after one of Pinkie Pie's parties, and he sees a sight that will haunt him forever. A sight which nopony or indeed nohuman would ever want to see... And it's up to Luna to prove just whos fault this is!
THERE IS NO ACTUAL SEX IN THIS! I just thought I should say that. It's just mentioned strongly for comedic effect and it is important for the story. And if you think the first chapter is bad enough wait until you've read the rest of it (lots of innuendo)! So, if you are likely to be offended by this sort of thing, this may not be the thing for you.
Chapters (4)
This story is bad and you should feel bad. Also, if I ever see you in real life you had better run. Run quickly.
I'll make sure to do so!
I'll make sure to do so!
209287
Also, I did warn you about being offended, so whos fault is it?
y'know, I'm just going to apolgise now. I'm sorry
I'm only trying to be funny, but if enough people hate this then I shall remove it... somehow...
Hi, I am in the royal family and my sister takes care of everything and she handles it well enough that I have enough time to spend most of my nights and mornings spying people through the royal observation tower...
)).
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Hello, I am the element of the honesty. I am also a farmer who lives with her brother and granny. One night I had a sleepover and slept with my brother. I didn't give a damn and in-fact I don't even know Incest was banned. ((If I were western American I would be offended
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Hello, I am Dido, a user of Fimfiction. I am going to track this story as I am a little curious of what will happen. I do not pay full attention to grammar. That little memory part felt a bit weak though, it wasn't too interesting (It was also a perfect place for an Assassin's Creed reference but you didn't think of that.)
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FUS RO DAH! I AM THE DRAGONBORN. I AM GOING TO THE MOON TO LEARN THE NEXT THUM'UMS!
209307
like in my comment above, I apologise if I offended you. I never thought of that kind of stuff when writing it and my proof reader also didnt think of that.
And yeah, I agree with the memory thing, it was a bit weak...
209307 I'm gonna have to buy skyrim to understand Fus Ro da! aren't I
Darn it!
Please finish it!
I want to see what happens next!
209348
I'm glad there's at least one person likes this!
But I have no longer how long this will take, it took me a month to write those two chapters and I'm doing other stuff at the same time so... yeah...
209290
The issue isn't even the incest. If it were that, I'd just pass the fic by and leave well enough alone.
The problem is that in this fic, you have characterized Applejack, the Element of Honesty, as:
#1. An incestuous, seductress whore.
#2. A liar. The Element of Honesty, a liar.
#3. A terrorizer of foals and/or a child molester, I can't tell which.
So you see, the real reason why I hate your work with an unholy passion is that you are demonizing my favorite pony in the worst imaginable ways, and by doing so are directly contradicting canon.
Feel bad.
Feel very bad.
209379
I see where you're coming from and I again apologise. And well done, now I feel bad.
I agree somewhat with 209379 though in a slightly less... "Harsh" manner. As an American from the mid-west who has visited the south and such, I can say right now that incest really isn't that offensive: most people nowadays don't really care all that much, and some people specifically like it. There's actually nothing particularly "offensive" in the story as far as the meaning of the word goes, it's just... not right. The characterization really is off, you may as well have used OC ponies. I won't say much about the grammar, though there certainly is a lot to say, but that's just not the most glaring issue in this fic. The canon doesn't seem to apply here and the progression is a little on the weak side, but that could be chocked up to the fact that it took so long to write. I don't think you should "Feel bad" about writing it, practice is practice and everything helps to improve your writing, but it definitely needs to be touched up quite a bit before fans of the show will really hold it to the kinds of standards of quality that they want to see in their favorite characters, even if they're in awkward and non-canon-like situations.
wow cool stroy bro
209418
Thanks for making clearer the problems with this. I might remove this and sort of start over and repost it later, but still somehow keep the general idea. But I will wait and let other opinions come through before I do that!
Wonderfully badly written in the best possible way. I'm squirmining in my seat at the thought of them having done the deed LOL good story!
Bosh to all those negative opinions.
It might not be highbrow literature, but there's nothing wrong with a joke now and again.
I find it amusing.
I'd like to ... see where this goes.
209557
Thanks. And dont worry, I'm working on some much better quality stuff at the moment as well anyway!
Darn, yeh, just don't do the rewrite until I get the chance to read it first. It's hilarious and I'm having kinky fun reading it, so keep up the good work. I love Luna best. you're even making me like poor dumb Big Mac. When's the next chapter? when, when, when? Oh, and stop smoking it's bad for ponies especially after Twi get you pregnant with the horn magic thing she does!
I couldn't care how the characters act or what the subject matter is, I just want to fucking read.
People stop whining and just read the damn story.
209639
I've read it, and Applejack is so far out of character, it's not even funny. I get that she's in heat, but come on - she's not gonna try and get down and dirty with her own brother.
Aw, how perfectly horrifying!
All I can say?
Twilight wouldn't do that, Luna is pretty good in character as far as Fics go, AppleJack isn't fitting it, and I sense a Molestia breakthrough.
dude this series is tooo cool and funny take my stars
Hey, first off- Yes I find it very humorous, interesting, and you should see through it till the end... and don't apologize if people find your work offensive, ever.
That said,
-Yes characters acting out of context. I was initially thinking you were going to keep Mac mostly silent, like in the show, which would of made his internal torment a lot more humorous. That said, despite the fact none of the characters follow their character bibles, the humor works... You just may in the future want to work harder at sticking to their characteristics more, challenge yourself.
-A good chunk of the first chapter is setting up explaining Luna's magic, ectera... This is something I feel you didn't really need, all it does really is pad out the story more and keeps us from getting to the plot- Reviewing the past days events to the point where the incest occurs.
-Not one to speak about grammar, but I did notice several starting paragraphs missing a letter at the beginning of a word.
But I did get a good laugh out of the first two chapters. Good job.
OK this is actually funny and keeps getting better. You were right about the "implied" sentences in there, and my mind is usually in the gutter so this stuff was weird
BTW if you need a proofreader then i can do it cause you seem to have a lot of misspellings and missing words in here
209287
Also dude, constructive criticism. Comment like your first post is just trolling.
Blatant Homosexual is gay?!!
I never saw that one coming... 
Please, please, please do finish this, its quite funny most of the time, and I don't give a S*%t about caracterization, still try to improve grammar, it makes me double-check the lines sometimes just to see if I get it right
209831
what he said
Ahhh wheres chapter 3!
This is just soooo bad, it became instantly good. Trolluna is just... Well, it's fun.
I don't really care for the completely oocness in here, sometimes it's just good to shut off your mind.
That said, I feel I shouldn't go encouraging trollfic xD but there's something in the writn that makes me overlook that, like it's so over the top that I just can't take it seriously.
the grammar errors make sense to me, like it's Luna willfully fast-forwarding and not caring to get silly grammar right.
Hm. This is an interesting fic. I like how you gave the character of Applejack a jacked-up(cheesy pun, I'm sorry XD) twist. Even if she might be somepony's favourite, it's still nice to explore those what-if plots. I mean, seducing Big Mac? I'm not a fan of incest, but that was a weirdly awesome turn. The regular+sensory detail and elaboration of sentences and scenes was good also. It gave me a clear mental image of what was going on. Now, onto the cons. The only real flaws I saw in this was technical, grammatical stuff. You missed a quotation every now and then, and I spotted many times where you missed a comma. Try indenting your paragraphs too. I was scared off a bit at first because of the dragging ones you have already. Many times I saw you miss the first letter of a word at the beginning of your "paragraphs". It's not too much, just stuff a little more time spent on editing and grammar checking. I'm intrigued with the fic, though. I can't really say anything more than it's and interesting plot(in a good way). Nonetheless I liked it.
(I'm trying to be constructive, btw. Helping you improve your writing. And, darling, there's no need for you to feel bad about writing this. Everyone's writing is special and important, and yours is no exception.
)
210430
Thanks. I never meant this to be serious so I''m glad you didnt take it to be
Also, that whole missing bits out at the start of paragraphs was the over shooting done by Luna when fast forwarding, y'know, accidentally mistimes pressing play!
210451
Can't wait to hear(or, read rather) more from this fic!
OOOOOOOOOH... that makes more sense XD I didn't realize that at first. Thanks for clearin' it up, hon.
Alright this story is funny and I did have a laugh or two or three or four while reading it, but I actually am from the south and my cousins from the "deep south" part of Texas strongly dislike incest, I myself don't like it, but when it comes to things like comedy and non-srs stories it is funny, but anyway, incest is no good, atleast in the words of Sonic the Hedgehog, but all in all, your grammar and the way you word your words is much better than mine, I have a large vocabulary but I can't arrange my words to sound intelligent enough even if it were to save myself from molestia
ANYWAY
I KEEP THROWING COOKIES AT THE SCREEN BUT NONE ARE GETTING TO YOU.
Then here, have an internet cookie *smashes cookie into the screen that magically turns into 5 stars, and a new follower, plus tracking*
...Assassin's Creed reference and all will be forgiven. Do it.
211365
I can try, although im not quite sure how this far into the story.
210970
Somehow, I never made the link between Applejack's southern accent and Southern America, so it never dawned on me that point about incest like that...
I laughed for 5 minutes straight at the names of the colts. Blatant Homosexual? Best. Name. Ever.
This story is hilarious: Ignore haters, write moar.
212953
Dont woory! i will! once i think of what else to right...
212257
Eh not to worry, as long as the stuff is funny and stuff then it's all good.
Plus I think everyone should have a good laugh or two once in a while, but in my case I am like a Texan Pinkie Pie
I have no clue how that works but it just does
Don't worry about these hyper sensitive people, they can get over it.
Otherwise, funny! Ready for ch 3! :P
Heart and Hooves day came out the same day as this, you have no excuse.
216230
I have no idea what you're on about...
(also, if you dont like it, you dont have to read this. its not compulsory)
216440 I just thought it was quite funny how Cherliee had a three shape Cuite mark. You will get what I mean if you watched the latest episode.
216605
Ah yes, i see what you mean now!
209639 Agreed.
209809 Fair enough.
Oh hello!
Umm... am i the only one still waiting for chapter 3?
228824
I dont think so... but yeah sorry for the wait, im trying to enter that writing comp so that's been taking up my writing time. hopefully i will get that done and return to writing my other stuff promptly!
I Hope!
Keep Up the good work!
209305 DONT YOU DARE TAKE THIS DOWN!!!
This is the funniest thing I'v read all week.