I was toying around with an idea for an alternate ending to Boast Busters, and here it is!
This is my first ever fanfiction, like, EVER. Feel free to tear the shit out of this story because I need to know how I can be better. I know it's probably crap, but I can only get better right?
Happy Reading! ^_^
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Short and to the point. You let the characters (who I feel you captured well) drive the story, and I could tell that you put some of yourself into the emotions they expressed. Were I to offer any criticism—which I feel underqualified to do—I would suggest that you pace yourself, nay, linger, on the darker realizations and the pain that make up the transformations taking place in the story; that is not to say that they were not well written, rather that I enjoyed them and trust you to depict them in greater detail, and let us mourn with them.
I'm sure anypony here would be willing to edit for you. Feel free to call upon me should the need arise.
It's not to bad for your first fanfic. I'm not really good as a critic but I have to say I enjoyed reading it and I hope you continue to write.
Oh dear. What to say about this...
This backstory you made for Trixie, doesn't really work. Why? Because of the concept behind Cutie Marks. See, Trixie has her Cutie Mark. She knows what she's meant to be: A magician. Saying that she failed at everything and only started her magic show when she came to Ponyville doesn't make sense. She had to be successful at something if she has her Cutie Mark.
Furthermore, Twilight feeling guilty about influencing Trixie's actions is just, weird. She didn't really do anything wrong. Yeah, she showed Trixie up by saving the town from the Ursa Minor, but that was because Snips and Snails didn't use their brains. Also, how was she supposed to know Trixie would react this way?
Now, on a technical level, I'd say you have a lot of potential. You're certainly good at setting the mood (although the paragraph at the beginning explaining the melodramatic thunderstorm just served to prove how melodramatic said thunderstorm was
), and there weren't that many grammatical errors. You certainly beat out a lot of first-time authors I've seen by a wide margin.
All in all, the problem lies in the concept rather than the execution. If you want to make a sob story for Trixie, you have to make sure it makes sense.
2577515 Thank you for your comment! I'll definitely have to go back and beef up the parts you recommended. Perhaps in the future you could be one of my editors!
2577518 Thank you, that means alot
I will definitely continue writing, and I have some more story ideas that should be coming soon. Stay tuned!
it was enjoyable to read.
2577706 Thanks for the honesty and bringing some plot holes to my attention
I'll probably go back and edit a bit later. 
2578961 Thank you that makes me so happy to hear!
Not a badly written story, although there were a few plot holes (as some pointed out above). The writing itself was fine, far above par for fimfictions standard offerings, and there wasn't any problem with the characterization.
However, I did have one thing that prevented me from being alright with this. It was a hurt/comfort story. One character is hurt/sad/depressed to garner sympathy from the reader, and another character is there to bolster them up and provide an uplift. Except that it's so overdone, particularly in fanfic of any kind, because it's easy to do, its tiring, and competitions (or short story compilations) will flat out reject hurt/comfort stories as a rule.
You probably didn't know any of that. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the writing, but that the subject was a hurt/comfort fic. Which is a decent exercise of the writing muscles, but nothing novel.
THAT SAID, I WILL be following you. Your writing shows talent and promise, and I'd be remiss not to see what else you produce when stepping past this type of story.
There Aren't many stories I in the everyone rating that I like this was good .. will we see more of twilight's aiding Trixie to become better/ or to show Trixie has self worth?
A friend and I sat down to read this together, and found it entertaining. We believe that you have a lot of potential for future stories, although we both agreed that there were some fairly serious problems with this one, most pointed out by Metool.
On a technical note, the frequency of comments like "Gazed into her purple eyes," and prose that generally comes across more like stage directions could be severely reduced, and still more than adequately get the point across. There are multiple paragraphs where the same information is presented multiple times, and those could be summarized, or reduced.
The characterization of Trixie was interesting, and her interaction with Twilight, and dialogue choices were believable, under the presented back story and in show characterization. Twilight, as Metool mentioned, was not portrayed so believably, with little reason to take blame for Trixie's attempted suicide.
While the scene with Spike felt unnecessary, we both burst into laughter at the mentioned titles of the books, and Twilight's interest in them, especially in the context of writing a letter to Celestia. We understood that it was supposed to be a general report, but we also felt it was hilarious in the context of a friendship report. You might consider trying a comedic fic, following this one.
There are a few other nitpicks, but nothing that couldn't be addressed by an editor.
All said and done, pretty good for a first fic. We hope to see more from you in the future.
Good.Played a bit heavily on the idea that Twi would feel guilty and that it was her fault. I'm pretty sure even if she didn't feel like it was her own fault she would still care enough to help.
Also the likelihood of Ponyville being her first show is really low given Snips and Snails reaction to her.
2583001 Yeah I should probably go back and edit a bit so that it makes more sense.
Thanks for pointing that out! 
2580229 Thanks for your comment! I'm glad that you found the book titles funny. Maybe I will try my hand at comedy!
Also thanks for the advice it was very helpful 
2579358 Thank you for your advice and for following me
I actually am working on another hurt/comfort story, but it's building off of someone else's story (I have permission). In the future, I'll try to avoid that.
2579395 That's actually not a bad idea! Maybe I'll work on that in the future! Thanks!
I must admit...This was pretty good for a first story. It was a lot better than my first attempt at least. I know how it feels to be a new writer and all and it appears you are also rising in a little bit of somewhat renown as well. If i di give you some advice it would be to make your transitions or "Cuts" to new scenes a little bit more clear. Trust me. If you write a Trixie story, people will read it. Here's to your successful Fimfiction career. I hope you might give this reader a look to if you don't mind. See you in the journey. -ElementOfHope
2630957 Thanks for the awesome comment
I'll definitely take your advice and work on the transitions. Also I followed you!
2641962 Awesome! Now wanna read one of my stories?.... if that's okay with you...
2642323 Of course. I'll check them both out
I enjoy suicidal Trixie far too much.
Credit where's it's due: Trixie goes to Twilight and it didn't end up in a romance. At first though, I thought she came to the library because it was only building with some lights on. Then again, Trixie never claimed otherwise.
I found some lines funny, such as 'Twilight winced. She hated when people dropped her books' and '“Infamous Magical Murders”. She particularly enjoyed that one.' That last one made Twilight look slightly... creepy. I also liked Twilight being in her own little world and how it was described.
I liked two lines because of the way they were written: 'Through the downpour, the lights radiated, the soft candlelight penetrating the sleepy silence' and 'her tiredness truly sinking into her body.'
I spotted two typos: 'it’s (its) low bass' and 'I thought I try my hoove (hoof) at magic.'
My last comment is only a matter of style - at least as far as I know - so you don't actually have to change it, but removing the parentheses might flow better, i.e.
'She had required her faithful assistant’s help to keep her work area clean while she did her research, which proved unfruitful as somehow the library ended up a mess anyways.'
instead of
'She had required her faithful assistant’s help to keep her work area clean while she did her research (unfruitful as somehow the library ended up a mess anyways).'
2693235 Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate all the feedback and praise. I'm definitely gonna go back and play around with some stuff to make the story better. Stay tuned for some changes!
You, sir, are a natural!
Short and to the point. While there are several suicidal Trixie fics, to this day there aren't very many where she's an absolute failure at everything (without turning into outright bashing), and not too many that wrap up quickly with a forgiveness is golden and friendship is golden Aesop.
I like sad Trixie stories... For some reason.
This had a very nice setting and the 'plot' was set up just right
Cute ship. More please