- Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen April 26th
Bronybro 117
A simple dude who'll write stories that no one ever tries. Also, Tia is best pony.
Bronybro 117
Joined 29th Jul, 2012 ·
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yussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, reading the shit out of this
oh wow, the ponies are screwed.
I'm enjoying it, looking forward to how you deal with all the questions that could arise from this
AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T FUCK WITH DEMOCRACY.
BTW, don't hold back on the bigot ponies. Make them as bigoted as possible, it'll be better when they're bitch-slapped with the realization:
"oh shit. we screwed with a galactic superpower, whose standing army is larger than our ENTIRE population."
Why do I have the feeling the ship's name was inspired by a certain book? But if that's the case, it... "Don't look like any 'Uneven Elephant' to me."
2756481
i.qkme.me/3qfms2.jpg
So..1,000 ships are being retrofitted or in dry dock for repairs atm?
You may want to take another look at your summary. 'They believed their rulers can project them from anything'. Should be "They believed their rulers could protect them from anything" instead.
2756414
That list is actually a bit weird.
First of all, the 'active personnel' of the alliance is said to be 16.5 billion while the 'Available for military service' be 24 billion. Does it mean that 1/3 of the total population serve in the military?
Is it economically and socially possible for a nation to have 1/3 of its citizens (I think that 24 billion count everyone except for children? The physical constraints of women and elderly can easily be overcome by advance technology) to join the military?
Secondly, the Alliance Navy has a Grand Armada of 5300 ships, of which more than 1/3 of them are capital ships (carrier, super-carrier and dreadnought). Comparing to the US Navy in WW2 that have about 50 capital ships but as much as over 600 smaller combat vessels (cruiser, destroyer, frigate and escort carrier), as a ratio of 1:12. I understand that space combat is different from surface battle that the required ratio of different type of ships in a fleet may not be the same as on the ocean wave. However I’d still consider that the capital-support vessels ratio of 1:3 to be too high.
2756846 Thank you for that error. I will fix that.
Eh, swing and a miss for me. Nothing glaringly wrong, nothing glaringly interesting. Probably a case of too much too soon, I think.
2756949 Well, consisting the fact that they watch a kid being beaten by a little pony. Yeah, they could overzealous over that.
2756949
the humans sent colonists to Equestria to make first contact in a peaceful, diplomatic mission.
in turn, the ponies enslave the humans, treating them like animals, because they believe the humans are inferior to them.
I think their behavior is quite justified
2756582 Well, yes I did got inspire from something that did involve massive rings of mass destruction, but don't know any of that.
How did anyone get through this?
2756996 Anyone would be pissed if they saw something like that, but bringing down your full military might on another species that hasn't had a industrial revolution and without even talking to them is really jumping the gun.
2757001 I'm pretty sure that it's different group native to that planet, not colonists.
2757014 What do you mean?
2757001 Well, I didn't say that the slaves were colonists, but the reveal of how there humans on Equestia will be in the story.
2757042
oh.... *winks* gotcha.
This gonna be good, no?
2757101 Yes, yes it will.
2757029 that was cleared up by the author. i don't think the entire army is going (unless that was stated in the story)
and this would most likely be the way i would behave if i was one of the human soldiers:
Pony: you're all gonna pay for this! the princesses will save us, and-
*grabs pony by the neck*
Pony: hurk!
*Brings him in really close to face*
Me: your god cannot save you now
*KER-SNAP!*
hueheu death star
2757114 If the humans that were enslaved were colonist, then I would be just like you, but since I don't know the history between those humans and the ponies, I would just be more diplomatic.
2757104 I'm actually wondering, is it just ponies that have human slaves, or do the other species have them too? I imagine they would.
2757144 Well, I don't want to spoiler everything until next chapter, but you just have to fine out until it out.
So, other than the "ponies are assholes" reversal of the "humans are assholes" trope (which, in my opinion, are both just as silly), my biggest problem with the concept here is that you have a humanity that for five and a half centuries has built up their military might to obscene levels despite having no one to fight, yet somehow has not destroyed itself, still cares about peace, maintains a spirit of exploration, safely colonized many worlds, and is not despotic to it's colonies? Not very believable.
Then you also have a species that actually evolved alongside many other sapient species and has the power to maintain a utopia of plenty, and yet they treat a specific sapient species like garbage and enslave them? Also not very believable.
2757164 Well, there was a war with rebels about 50 years ago. I think that did showed that humanity ain't a space faring utopia.
2757176
I get that it is never cut and dry. Ideals and absolutes do not exist in reality. But I still say that your depictions of humanity and of ponies are both heavily unbelievable based on their individual contexts. I hope you come up with a very good explanation for why ponies are such assholes and what driving force of humanity made them not self destruct.
Otherwise it makes no sense. Humanity should have actual factions and the villainy on Equuis should be due to Discord, Sombra, another race, whatever, but at least be explained in a way that isn't just "it's an AU".
2756930
I imagine that their are other worlds beyond earth that they would have populated by now, which solves that issue of numbers nicely.
You need a to get a new or second editor. My mind was quite literally screaming at the many grammatical mistakes. I'm not willing to subject myself to chapter two, even though the plothook would otherwise be effective.
2757164
This.
And oh, your pacing is retarded, nearly as much as your premise is. Go write about 'killing ponies' elsewhere please and get the fuck out.
2757204 Well, for humanity, yes there was wars during the oil crisis of 2050, and the nearly breakout of world war 3, but instead they negotiated and they know their actions will cause the destruction of the human race.
So, instead of going war, they work together to the problem despite their political ideologies.
And yes, I will explain why the ponies are acting this way, but I don't want to spoiler it.
The humans better win, or the ponies better come to their senses. I get this odd feeling in my gut when I think of the ponies as being enslaving, hostile, exterminating Dalek like beings. I hate the idea of the Princesses being mindbending, tyrant bitches, it just makes me wanna puke. It's even worse when it reminds me that this style of leadership has existed in our own reality.
aw ya, been waiting for this story. time to get reading.
edit: i must say, it seems to be going good. You have a lot of typos though, I'd suggest getting another editor.
How is it that every time there's a story that wants to show humanity as moral beings dedicated to justice and peace, the only way the author can achieve it is by twisting ponies into racist, bigotted assholes that in no shape or form resemble their canon selves? The entire story already falls apart by its premise alone.
2757287 There a reason why the ponies are acting that way, and also not every pony supports slavery.
I've enjoyed the idea of the story,so far, very much. However it was a struggle to read as most of the descriptions used for people were excessively dull
(meaning there was a lot of information about people's appearances that did not necessarily need to be there), furthermore I there were quite a few repeated grammatical errors, but those are easily fixed. That said all this story needs is a little editing to polish some of it out and it'll be pretty good. 
2757263
So humanity which represses human rights, barely knows peace, installs totalitarian, fascist, and zealot governments around the world, still engages in underground slavery, and is controlled by .3% of the population of the planet who control 80% of the money on the planet, 40 years from now when it will only be worse, decided to talk it out and build a peaceful empire among the stars, that still has weapons powerful enough to wipe itself out cosmically as many times over as we do now on Earth with nukes, and decides that the best way to handle a single species who are engaging in sapient rights oppression, on a planet with of dozens of sapient species, is to immediately go to war? That is your protagonist race?
I am not getting down on humanity in general. I believe we could be great and we can overcome. I believe that we deserve to.
But come on. How does this premise make any sense?
2757296 Can you show some that way me and my editor can fix them.
2757294
You're going to need a very strong and convincing argument explaining why an entire race isn't behaving like its canon self, and why its Princesses (who have been shown to be very open, peace-loving, just and kind) haven't done anything about it. That's going to be quite a tough cookie, especially since said reason also needs to be able to withstand a thorough examination and come through unscathed. There's a high risk of plot holes as well, so be careful.
I'm not saying it can't be done, mind you, I'm just giving a warning that it's a difficult plotline to pull off convincingly. Still, don't let that stop you! For all I know, the reason why makes perfect sense. So by all means, go for it.
Yeah, you may not want to thank your editor just yet. There are quite a few errors present. Some blatantly obvious while others not so much. My advice: get a new editor or read it yourself.
2757033 Sorry to say, but I kinda see his point. Despite you saying you have an editor for this, the entire fic was rife with typos....and I mean gloriously EPIC levels of typos. So you may want to review your story again, simply copy and paste it into Microsoft word and fix anything red, and review it yourself for anything spellcheck overlooks.
And maybe get a new editor... 
Despite the typos, I still feel that this fic has some promise. You did a fairly good job of describing your characters, and its fairly obvious that you spent a lot of time building your story's universe, it was quite detailed. So don't let haters put you down, make your corrections, and then come back with a revised story that will smack all the neigh-sayers right in the face.
2757222
. it would be glorious!
author, please do what this guy is saying. PLEASE
*twilight approaches on a throne, carried by four human slaves*
Twilight:Hello! welcome to equestria! I'm princess twilight spakle, and on behalf of-
soldier: you DISGUST me......
Twilight: W-what?!
soldier: you disgust ALL OF US.
twilight: I beg your pardon?!
soldier: you would dare treat another species as though they were beneath you?
Twilight: they ARE beneath us! they were once tribalistic savages!
soldier: is that how you would justify such a barbaric practice? your ignorance knows no bounds.
Twilight: H-how dare you?! who are you to judge us?!
soldier: a species who ceased such repugnant practices centuries ago.
Twilight: well we aren't what ever you are! why do you even care about these creatures?!
*soldier removes his helmet*
*twilight's eyes widen in shock*
Soldier: tell me tyrant, are WE beneath you? true, we were once savages. but we have ascended from our old ways. but you............... you didn't even give them that chance..... did you?
Seems cliche by the description but that doesn't necessarily mean bad. I'll check this out later.
Well Celestia you just messed with wrong race you xenophobic bastereds well come to the Revolshen
Good stuff, need moar!
2757298 a free man walks into a bar and sees a fello of his own race enslaved and the freed one has a chance to free him what to you think their gonna chose
2757246 dude his choice his universe you no like go some where else