Robin was just lonely, no one understood him. his family, his coworkers/friends no one was interested in My Little Pony, like he was. That is until the day an unusual storm takes Robin to the land of his dreams...
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 9th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 4th, 2013
Sirixich
Im simply someone whos found a new way to express themselves and find a smile on their face (u guessed it from mlp) And I hope my stories bring smiles to you all as well =)
Sirixich
Joined 9th Feb, 2012 ·
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- Bloody · 23k words · 11 11 · 1.5k views
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Interesting.
Tracked.
.........Luna evil again?.......Tracked
246193 Well if you had a older sibling who trapped you on the moon for a thousand years, then replaces you with someone else. And then decides to let the person who nearly kill you go free without harm,wouldnt you be a little upset?
247288.....Little to you means Freaking the fuck out dosnt it?
247312 just an honest question
247315I just think your over doing it a little...like really?It...just seems out of character for luna to get so mad to KILL him....
247319 You know...That actually makes sense (honest to god) now that I think about it I have made her emotions seem rather intense,hmmmm I may have to edit chapter 3 now, that's a good statement. Thank you for bringing that up
247333:) Glad to help.
247389 if youll look back at chpt 3 i just made it much more sensible (sorry for any bad feelings, bro hoof?)
247396(Brohoof)
This is great, tracked :), but I would suggest you to not use those messed up words, its quite hard to read.
286461 Yeah, I was trying to make his text more noticeable so people would know "Oh! it's mr evil!" But I have to admit I think ill only use it when hes the most spazzed or something like that. And THANK YOU for liking mah story!!
286461 Okay, so get this. I go back to check just how unreadable it is. I see it as nothing but text blocks and numbers XD so I decided to NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER! Use it!
301875 Thank you!
there are no words to describe how much i liked this story.
336113 I am very honored to hear that, this was my first story and I wasn't sure how it would turn out, I'm glad you like it!
At the end of the day it was a good first attempt at a fic. So here's the words you've been waiting for... The criticism.
A reoccuring problem throughout the chapters is with the grammar, spelling, and just the typo's that pop up. I know you were excited in writing this, but without a real editor you should probably take the time to re-read your chapters multiple times to try and catch things such as a lack of spaces where there should be or wrong punctuation used. The grammar would be harder to catch on your own, but the only support I can say is to read outloud to yourself. If it sounds wrong when you read it outloud then it most likely is.
I couldn't help but also feel that some of the actions of the ponies seemed a bit out of character. Especially how they reacted to certain situations. This may be just my way of thinking but I can only offer that you could try and really sit down and make a list of how a certain pony acts/reacts. Get a good idea/feel for just who the pony is, and from there you can get a better idea of how they would react.
Of course not that I'm saying they HAVE to act that way! But generally they should start out that way, and through character progression in your story they can change as fitting.
This next bit is more of a personal issue that I found, and I know the oppinions on this one are going to differ from person to person, but I have a problem with the power levels (inb4 over 9000 joke) that the ponies (Mostly Celestia/Luna) seem to have. To me I'd like to believe that, being there there was no real reason or power constraints(like a magic field that lowered their power) given, that the two would be able to do a LOT more or help a lot more than they did in the story (probably Twilight too, but that goes more under being out of character in her actions).
Anyways that's the end of my little take on it. Lots of practice will most certainly help things out, and also becoming more familiar with everything over time sense I know you're 'relatively' new. So for your efforts Twilight will reward you:gamesprays.com/files/resource_media/preview/hug-me-twilight-6360_preview.png
358699 Thank you for a AMAZING COMMENT BRO!
AND YES! Twilight hugs XD
I don't want to be rude or anything but i must be honest
this was the most boring thing i ever read