• Member Since 9th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Yoater


Still here and back with new ideas. Writes slowly.

T

Stormstrike's day was going just perfect. That is until a strange ship attacked the transport he was hitching a ride on. Tells the events of what happened to the Steel Ranger transport that was mentioned in Oakwood Blues. Does not require prior knowledge of said story.



My attempt at an 'at the sea' story for the Fallout: Equestria Group's 500 member writing contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Wow I am amazed by the speed! Nice to see the second story already posted in the contest!:pinkiehappy:

2543165

Thanks. The idea of this one wouldn't stop pestering me.

I must say that you hit the nail on the at the sea theme, and not only hit that nail but only drove it all the way home. But I think that the weirdly highly detailed measurements hurt your story a bit, I did at least find myself stopping up and wondering why we needed to know that.

Nitpick.
“all hands abandon ship. I repeat, all hands abandon ship, this is the Captain speaking.” I know that it is the right therm, but they are ponies, should they not say something else than hands?

2818421

I settled on using hands, since "all crew abandon ship" or "all ponies abandon ship" sounds kind of wonky to my ears.

I put the measurements in to give an overall size image of the ship, but I do see how they interrupt the flow because they were put in after everything else. :facehoof:

Fucking beautiful. I would actually like for this to be integrated into a full story. Maybe a group of scavengers finding the wreck.

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