Ruby-Lune
Joined 4th May, 2013 ·
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The listing of the nightmares could have been done better with ---> commas <-- and -> colons <- but the end of the chapter especially has my attention. I wonder how the next chapter will be?
Uhh... Dafuq was that?!
I think you should use the AU tag in your story - Twilight seems way, way too different to be in the same universe. Also, you should explain in far more detail what happened to make her interested in dark magic.
I won't be following this fic, but perhaps that will motivate you to improve yourself - after all, that way you shall have far more readers
This looks very promising indeed. I look forward to future chapters.
2530455 Thanks for your feedback, always a pleasure to get chances to improve my writing.
to go into now. And to answer your other idea, more description is coming in Chapter 3. 
I added the AU tag, you are correct. There are a couple reasons why I didn't add it originally, but they are much too
2530458 Thank you so much! This is the first MLP fic I've done since 2010, and it's nice to hear some
positive feedback- but if there are any constructive criticisms you have, I would love to hear them.
2531378
To me, there is only one thing wrong with these, and that is they're too short. I would say try to make them a bit longer, maybe around 500 words per chapter.
2531432 Absolutely, and I'm going to make them at least 100% longer and 20% cooler in the future. I just wanted to get it approved ASAP.
2531441
Fair enough, look forward to it.
sounds interesting until now
But theres something.....pegusai....Is that some sort of new race ?
I think you mean pegasi
2689861 Actually, pegusai is the plural of pegasus.
Thanks, I think it's interesting, too!
'cast a Flaw-succumb spell on the honest mare.' I think you double spaced there.
Wow, I don't know who's worse Applejack or Twilight. Applejack said some pretty upsetting things, but Twilight used her magic to alter her nature...hmm....
One element down...five to go...
I don't know if you view comments for this story anymore, but if you do, I just wanted you to know that I think this is a great story with lots of potential. I am sorry to see that it's been more than 2 years since it's been updated, but I think this story concept is pretty awesome ^^