When neighboring worlds collide

by AbstractBR0NY

Chapter 0: prologue and Chapter:1

What’s up everypony? AbstractBR0NY hear, presenting my first fan fiction When Neighboring Worlds Collide. If you don’t like it you don’t have to read it. But if you do end up liking it feel free to give feedback. Enjoy.

Chapter 0: Prologue

The story of how the world came to be as it is now, is anything but pleasant. Everypony knows the story of the two royal sisters, Princesses Celestia, and Luna. They ruled the land side by side, until Luna, the younger of the two, became resentful of her sister.

The land became divided and a large scale war broke out between the two sides. Armies of ponies fought and died for their respective rulers. All the while the greatest minds were concentrating on tactics and weaponry. In the early years, battle would be fought in large, open plains. But as the war continued they moved to more urban environments. Villages and small town would be taken over and used as a base of operations, wal cities acted as the battle field.

Battles went from being fought with swords and spears, to guns and bombs, magic was no longer used for simple tasks like picking up a book, but adapted for combat so as to burn an enemy with a fireball, or strike them with lightning. Losing a limb in battle was no longer an excuse for getting out of war; if your leg was blown off, you would get a robotic one to replace it. The battle unit mark one became a revolutionary weapon. It was a form of armor that would give a pony advanced speed, strength, and reflexes. After mark three came out it was decided that ponies were not capable to make quick enough decisions, and the mark three was recalled and replaced with a fully mechanical pony that was decked out with all the latest firepower. Many models were released in later years.
The war was taking its toll on the innocents of both sides. The civilian death rate increased immensely every year, and no pony seemed to care. Sufficient shelter became scarce as every structure was eventually destroyed, and everything that wasn’t destroyed was occupied by shoulders. The sky was permanently filled with smoke, plants began to dye, and the lack of food drew some ponies to cannibalism.
The final line was crossed when the concept of chemical warfare was introduced. Unarmed ponies would be gassed, and others would be taken in for experimentation. One of the most feared Ponies at the time in par with the rollers of either side was a stallion that went by the name of blade. The self-styled psychopathic genius, Blade would conduct experiments on ponies with verses strains of viruses and chemicals. Most of his experiments would dye after the first day or so, the survivors would mutate into hideous monsters that he would release into the world to wreak havoc or die, whichever came first. Through Blades research viruses were released that would wipe out whole platoons within minutes.
The war halted for a single day when the news that both the royal sisters had disappeared in the night without a trace. The armies blamed each other for the disappearance, and the fighting continued until there was no pony on either side left standing. The survivors of the war were left with the remains of a dying planet. There was no sun, no green, and almost no water. The mutants rallied together and would raid any settlement that tried to sprout up.
As pony kind began to dwindle, a beacon of light showed itself in the darkness, that beacon, was Safehavion. This town was dedicated to the rebuilding of a shattered society. Safehavion was built on the banks of a small lake that was eventually enclosed in the wall surrounding the town. The only food they were able to grow were potatoes, but with the Pegasie no longer controlling the water, and with nature all but destroyed, they were able to grow them all year round.
The only reason Safehavion wasn’t destroyed was because it was protected by the Defenders of Safehavion, six ponies that united and protected the weaker from the dangers of the outside world. The Defenders of Safehavion, or DOS, would stand watch day and night, killing any threat that came near with an old rifle, or magic. The position of DOS would stay with a pony until death, or until their apprentice was ready to take their place.
The town was growing in size and renown, and that made it a target to the Mutants and bandits who roamed the wasteland in search of anything that could let them live another day, even at the expense of other ponies lives. But the walls of Safehavion held strong, and the DOS were always there to counter the attacks.

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Abstract looked out of the window in his room. He watched as the first ponies of the day exited their homes. He looked over at the mirror, his purple main spiked forward a bit, and his blue coat was matted with dirt, his black tribal design that represented his special talent on his rump.
Abstract looked around the only room in his makeshift home ’ No matter how much we do to find supplies in the wasteland, house materials are still scarce, wall dishes are of no shortage, strange’ he thought to himself. His eyes stopped when they met the sleeping body of his roommate, Beat Blaster, who was a dark red unicorn with an orange mane and a boom mike cutie mark. Abstract rolled his eyes as he trotted over and gave him a jab in the side.
“Wake up Beat, the DOS don’t wait for anypony” he said in a sarcastic voice.
“Wha…? Can’t I sleep for like, ten more minutes mom?” he asked in a tired voice.
“Only if you want to explain your absence to Necro, it’s his lead today.” Abstract said with a smirk. Hearing that made Beat jump out of bead and run to his stuff.
“What are you waiting for? Let’s get going, we do NOT want to be late.” Beat said, pouting on his blue hat on backwards. When they exited the house Abstract spotted Solar Flair, a little red colt, his horn barely visible through his spiky orange mane.
“Hay, Abstract,” he said with a big smile, “Do you think I’m old enough to be a DOS yet?”
“Almost, just two more years and you’ll be able to start training,” Abstract said.
“Horse fathers…” solar said, kicking the ground, “I want to start now,”
Abstract and Beat smiled at the young colts enthusiasm. They said their goodbyes and continued to the town center. On their way they greeted old green, a pink pleasantly confused old mare, they also gave greetings to trance and haze, identical twins that had a tendency to say the same thing at the same time. They were surprised to see the light green stallion that showed up a few months earlier, he had no mane or tale, but he had bright orange eyes and wore the symbol of Celestia around his neck. He didn’t get out much; if he did he was very stealthy about it.
Beat trotted up to the stallion and extended a hoof, “I don’t think we have been properly introduced, my name is Beat,” The stallion looked at beat for a moment then turned around and walked into his small home. Beat turned to Abstract, who just shrugged.
“New ponies, you know how much they prefer their space.” Abstract said.
“True, true,” Beat said with a nod.
When Abstract and Beat got to the town center and saw Dawn Shadow talking to Five. Dawn was a light blue Pegasus mare with a black and blue main that was spiked back into two points with a silhouette of a dragon head as her cutie mark.
Five was a battle drone mark 5; he was salvaged from a battlefield of the old war, and was rebuilt. With a little tinkering and magic was able to be given a personality, and a very sarcastic one at that. His eyes blue, except during battle, when they turn red

“Where are Necro and Love Shocker?” Abstract asked.

“They’re on their way. Good thing you too are on time today, we don’t want a replay of last time.” Five said in a joking auto tuned voice. Abstract and Beat shuddered at the memory of when they were late last time Necro had his day of lead. They were forced to travel to the wasteland and take out a bandit camp by themselves.

“Well at least they’re here on time today Five, I hear Necro has a very important assignment for everyone today.” Dawn said.

“What kind of assignment?” Beat asked.

“The important kind of assignment.” came a deep, gravelly voice from behind them. They all turned to see Necro walking towards them with Love Shocker beside him. Necro was a jet black earth pony with a spiked blood red main, as were His eyes. His teeth were filed down to razor sharp points, which is why a rumor was going around that he was a cannibal before he came to Safehavion. He was older than any of the ponies in Safehavion, even if he didn’t look any older than the other DOS. He was wearing a pack with something fairly large inside.

Love Shocker was a tan Pegasus mare with deep green eyes and a neon green main. She trotted with a bit of sway in her hips. Her cutie mark was a black rose. At first glance it would be really easy to get the wrong view of Shock, but the ones who got to know her saw her for her true colors, she was an honest, generous mare, and the only one in the world who would dare demand respect from Necro.

“Necro and I found a device that may help protect Safehavion.” She said “If it works we might be out of a job.” She said jokingly.

“Unlikely. If it works it’s going to need constant surveillance to make sure nothing happens to it. And sense no pony will be able to stay awake every night for the rest of their life, we’re going to have to take shifts.” Necro said as he removed his pack, exposing the skull of a pony that was his cutie mark. He pulled out a large slab with ancient text engraved in it. It appeared to be some kind of cross between sorcery and technology.

“This device was originally designed to create a force field that would transport anything that touched it to an alternate dimension.” Necro said as he began to set it up. “We just need to make sure that nothing happens to it wall its starting up.”

“Why? What will happen?” Abstract asked.

“This device is ancient. I’m not quite sure, but I’d rather not find out.” Necro took a few steps away from the device “There, it should start up in a few moments.”

The six of them intently watched and waited for the device to start up. It slowly began to glow a beautiful shade of green.

“It’s working.” Necro said. But as soon as the words left his mouth, a bright light blinded them all, the ground seemed to fall away, and they all felt as though they were falling. When they hit the ground and opened their eyes they were once again blinded, but this light was accompanied by warmth, and the sounds of strange chirping. The ground felt warm and dry as opposed to the cold ground they were used too.

Abstract looked up as his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw a purple mare and a purple scaly thing. Before he could comprehend what happened he slipped out of consciousness.

I hope you enjoyed the prologue and chapter 1. I will add to this as much as I can whenever I can. Please give me your thoughts on this chapter. AbstractBR0NY out.

Comments

[BloomBoy06]

Well, an interesting story I guess, but there was a plethora of spelling errors that could impede on the reading pace (at least it did for me), I counted 17 instances where spelling was off. Don't worry too much about that, if you just look over your chapters before publishing, then that should not be too much of a problem. Another minor error appears in paragraph formatting. It's on-and-off as to whether it's indented, and that alone can distract readers from reading the story.
Now, for the story itself, I'll try my best to give feedback:
Perhaps I'm biased when I say I've never believed in Lunar Republic/Solar Empire stuffs, but as informative as the prologue was, it felt somewhat rushed to me. I understand it's not a main point in the story, but if it is to play a role, it shouldn't feel thrown away; felt kinda like *there was an epic pony war in the distant past* *the war formally ended but continued among civilians* *there's a town bent on protecting its citizens from future danger* (if I'm trivializing it too far, let me know)
"Chapter One", however grammar-riddled it had been, did have a fair storyline. I was skeptical of why one of them had been named Five, but as a 'robotic' pony, it works.
I feel the one faulty point, however, is adding the ending part with Twilight's magic. I feel this might be explained in detail in later chapters, but from what I saw, it seemed unnecessary. It would have been a decent cliffhanger to have the group to say it was starting up, something went wrong, and then they see Twilight (without added-in scene). I understand the tags indicate who will be in the story in later chapters, but one of fimfiction's disadvantages is that there is no way to order the tags. While OCs may be the main point of the story, they might be deceived by the Mane 6 and CMC tags. Granted that's my own theory, but I feel that happens too often, while one of my stories focused on OCs, the tags led with Cherilee and Ditzy Doo, each of which had a brief scene in the overall story.

tl;dr - The story has its faults, but also has a potential that I would like to see be realized. Not gonna quite favorite the story yet, but I will follow you so I can tell when you post the next chapter.