Derpy needs a change in her life. Being blessed with Dinky was great, but they both needed something to help brighten their days after Carrot Top had moved out to be with her love interest. Dinky had asked for a pet, an exotic one to brighten up the house! Being tight on cash at the time though, Derpy had to decline. As Fluttershy didnt always carry exotic animals, and she would otherwise have to pay a high premium in Canterlot for something exotic. She had taken to visiting Fluttershy when ever she got off work early to see if she had something new.
And boy did she have something new...
Changed cover art cause I finaly found something that worked.
Seperate alternate universe from my other stories, as my mind needs a break on something a bit diffrent.
I saw this.I like the idea :D have you read Derpy's Human?
This needs a lot of work. But it doesn't seem so bad as to deserve a 1:4 thumbs ratio. I'm thumbing up, but only because of that.
4387219 I faved it awhile back, never actualy read it though, was gonna come back to it
4387507 I blame the fact I had this written orginally in 1st person months ago, and lazily rewrote it as a 3rd person view like 2 days ago. Just wanted to see what the general populace would think of the idea before I got 100% ingrained in it.
4387636 Actually the really bad cover art might be playing a role as well, bringing in dislikes from people who haven't even read it... While I doubt it has gotten enough views yet for the merely 'really' bad grammar to start calling them down in that ratio it would certainly be enough to stop you from getting many likes to counter them. Particularly that whole '1st' thing you kept doing... that one made me feel ill every time I saw it.
That one has got to be the biggest writing sin in the entire thing.
4387741 Yeah these are the kinda comments I need. I'll have to seriously rewrite the whole thing, it even looked funny to me as I was reading it back to myself. and the cover art, well I am no artist and I did it myself in a span of 5 minutes
4387751 Oh, I actually forgot this bit because of all the '1st's that came after it:
Oh, the whole premise behind his presence and limited capacity is also really Dark ... far darker than one would expect from the description. I got the impression that it was not going to have much of a role aside from enabling the current situation and there wouldn't be anymore Dark in the rest of the story. If this is, in fact, the case then you should probly add a warning that there is a bit of Dark at the beginning but not in the rest of the story... if that's not the case then you might want to consider a Dark tag.
4387764 My orginal write of the 1st person wasnt as dark, as I rewrote it it did infact become a bit dark as I was setting up his character more in depth. But you are very right, I would need to add the dark tag, and actualy I probably will. Because my writeing style always ends with some dark elements as I have a bad habit of doing so as my past writeings would suggest. I can't keep things completely clean without getting some kind of writers block
4387627 nor did I...I have it in my favorites though XD I also can recommend another HiE if ya like?these are great stories:
Displacement
Diaries of a Madman
HATRED
4388721 I actualy read Diaries of a Madman, took me a week and a half to catch up to where it was 3 months ago. damn good read. I'll have to check out Displacement
4390380 Displacement is an SiE,so if you don't like that, it's fine.However, Displacement is REALLY good writing,even if it's plot is an SoE.
In fact, here:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/40021/1/displacement/a-painful-start
This starts the first chapter,I gave it to ya so it's easier to find.
Awesome story! I love the premise and writing style of this one. Usually stories like this are dominated by the human's thoughts and inane pop culture references that take away from the story, but this is brilliant. This story seems promising and isn't filled with excessive garble.
Also, I'm not sure if it was stated before, but using numbers such as 1st, 2nd, and 3rd are a big no no in writing and should always be written as first, second, and third unless a date is involved.
Just saying.
Accidental psychological horror?