Twilight is chosen to help field-test a new spell developed by the top sexual research institue in Equestria. Rarity volunteers to 'help' her, and she is but the first to do so. WARNING: Contains Futa.
dude, this is AWESOME! i love the the lay out. you have the crazy awesome sex i one chapter, then the content touchy feely morning afterwords. i love it!
I'm sorry that was terrible of me, couldn't resist. Loving the direction this story is headed, looks like the 'Polyamory' group is getting a new gem added. Can't wait to see more.
2494189 I know, I can't hate this because it's trying something that's rare...My brain just doesn't like to acknowledge Non-Futa-Twi if Twilight is a character in the story, dood.
It's a personal thing, It's well written for the parts I DID read, but my brain made me hit the back button quickly when Rarity grew a boner in the first chapter, dood.
I think it's earned it's featured spot, just not something I wanna read, dood.
Not going to lie, this could be improved. Of course, "could be improved" means that it DOES work, just not as well as it could. For me to tell you what specifically needs improvement would require another read in "editor mode".
A few vague ideas are all I can offer. Multiple orgasms: alright... I'm going to level with you. MY FETISH. That said, you don't see it --well done-- that often because it takes variety to keep it interesting. You did swap positions each time, but your vocabulary remained largely the same. This lends itself to the air of repetition. You tried to avoid it, and only a picky bastard like me would notice. Props for trying; most people don't.
Your shorthand. Won't go into depth here; others mentioned it. The ampersand (&) has got to go. Any other abbreviations or stand ins are generally bad practice in a story.
Well done for your first time. I myself have never written clop (or "normal" porn)... but I have pre-read it. Do you know how awkward it is to tell an author why his sexyponitimes needs work? Very. Very awkward.
I can't help but feel that they're missing out on a great opportunity... After all, Rarity is a unicorn too, and Twi DID say the spell wasn't that hard to cast...
First I saw the title. Then I saw the mature tag. "Pffft, it's probably nothing I'm interested in." 'Yo dawg, futas be in dis fic' "Alright, welcome to the read later list."
Dangit. I shakefist at the sudden PinkieDash outta nowhere! I was hoping for something else, as my avatar would suggest Ah well, this is still a fun read. Tracking it~
On a ten point scale of clopfics, I would put this at about a six. It's good overall, but a little clumsy in many places,I'm sure that simple practice will cure that quickly enough.
However, two things bother me about this story. First is that the positions as described are not feasible for equines. Human sex positions simply do not work when your legs have different joints.
Second, it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine that a pair of virgins would try anal on their first night. Anal is not automatically sexy. It's painful without proper prep work, and even those who enjoy it are normally turned off at first by the thought of (sorry for the crudity) crap involved with sex.
I love it! You basically wrote out everything I was looking forward to read That being said, I do recognize a few minor flaws, but the actual sex scenes were wonderful, and I don't really mind the fact that the mane 6 have basically been stalkin' each other's flanks (outside from Twily) the whole time. Clopfics don't have to be that complicated, this style works out really well.
...I trust you girls more than anyone else in the world.
Wow, good thing her closest and most loyal friend wasn't around to hear that slap in the face.
The clop scenes here are incredibly hot and exceptionally well written, but they're also a little painful to read. You could certainly benefit from and finding an editor and avoiding that ampersand. For me though, what's disconcerting is seeing Spike's closest family and the object of his affection (and now the rest of his only close friends) connecting like this without the tiniest shred of thought for him. It's making all six ponies very hard to like.
If this is a semi-serious romance, I would be glad to see the Spike issue addressed before they go any further. If it's just fun clop, then why the heck not make up a b.s. excuse to legalize his involvement? Stating that dragons reach maturity earlier than ponies is no sillier than Twilight magically granting mares a pseudo-schlong. It's fics like this that make me wish the fandom wasn't so fcking determined to see him as a child.
I would definitely recommend him to Fluttershy; since she's too nervous to find a stallion, the small, cute, mostly harmless dragon she already knows and trusts would be quite good for her.
You know, when I first looked at this story and heard the story premise, I thought this was gonna be another shitty story put up to Featured because people got boners over it.
Then I riffed the first chapter.
My friend, you have rekindled my hope for good clop, as I feel quite bad about riffing this. This is solidly written, and highly enjoyable. The premise is still bad (since when is 'sexology' a recognized field in science or magic? Heh.), but now that I've seen it, I really can't argue.
You've taken a questionable premise, and made it work. You've taken our adoring, loveable characters, and played true to their personalities. You made the first chapter wholesome, enjoyable, and bloody well worth reading.
I hope I see you up in Featured again, and will gladly continue riffing this. Because it's been a damn long time since I riffed a GOOD STORY. Upvote, faved, and you have another stalker in the bush behind you because of this. Fantastic fucking work.
2500724 In the case of clopfics anyway, I think that ignoring Spike is basically trying to skip past any foalcon type stuff. In show, he's inconsistently characterized shown to act like a pre-teen. Usually immature but capable of taking care of himself for short periods and has moments of greater maturity (usually when Twi's having a breakdown.) If he's twelve-ish (mentally, if not physically) then putting him into a sex scene is squicky in a very different way than anything else in this story.
Given how Rarity reacts to Twilight asking "Hi would you like me to give you a magic dick so you can plow me?" I would qualify this as (well written) clop.
If this were a true romantic story with mature themes, you would be spot-on though.
2500724 Why are you so set on Spike? This is the second story where I found you 'complaining' that Spike wasn't in it. Spike is sorta like a little brother. If the story is about the big sister and her friends, then Spike has no place there, even though he has a crush on Rarity. Rarity and her friends have no obligation to take Spike's crush into account.
2500724 2510727 Not to mention spikes what 12? If no matter how you look at spike should be grossly underage when compared to the mane six. Think this through at best we can say twiligt got her cutie mark in between 7-8. Immiediately making him that much younger than the rest. So lets celestia sent twi off at 21 that puts him at 14. And that doesn't even factor equestria girls WHERE THEY'RE ALL IN HIGH SCHOOL! Spikes crush is doomed to fail no matter how you slice it. Rarity will eventually find someone regardless of spikes wishes and he will, if hasn't figured it out by then, be heart broken. Its an adolescent crush at best and will die a painful death.
That big glaring bold print of SCENE BREAK...
That has GOT to go.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2494022
That and the time stamps are a little peculiar.
Otherwise I'm willing to see where this goes.
2494022
I would agree there are less distracting ways to do that that scream less THIS IS AN ONLINE PUBLICATION!
I will say Pinkie and Rainbow Dash are cute.
2494083
I don't much mind the time stamps, really.
Just that SCENE BREAK.
~Skeeter The Lurker
dude, this is AWESOME! i love the the lay out. you have the crazy awesome sex i one chapter, then the content touchy feely morning afterwords. i love it!
Well well well........ the plot thickens.
I'm sorry that was terrible of me, couldn't resist. Loving the direction this story is headed, looks like the 'Polyamory' group is getting a new gem added. Can't wait to see more.
plaes let thar be bendaeg plaes i baeg yuo plz
the idea of that a unicorn can only get off from having their horn stimulated while it's active is something i haven't seen before, so props for that
2494128
GASPES! I know of you as well!
Great minds think alike? Or drunk and/or sleep deprived minds think alike? (I like the second one, myself)
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ahh man, so Twilight can't cast this spell on herself? That's lame, dood.
OH well, I gave this a chance, and will be on my way, dood. Good day.
2494189 I know, I can't hate this because it's trying something that's rare...My brain just doesn't like to acknowledge Non-Futa-Twi if Twilight is a character in the story, dood.
It's a personal thing, It's well written for the parts I DID read, but my brain made me hit the back button quickly when Rarity grew a boner in the first chapter, dood.
I think it's earned it's featured spot, just not something I wanna read, dood.
Not going to lie, this could be improved. Of course, "could be improved" means that it DOES work, just not as well as it could. For me to tell you what specifically needs improvement would require another read in "editor mode".
A few vague ideas are all I can offer. Multiple orgasms: alright... I'm going to level with you. MY FETISH. That said, you don't see it --well done-- that often because it takes variety to keep it interesting. You did swap positions each time, but your vocabulary remained largely the same. This lends itself to the air of repetition. You tried to avoid it, and only a picky bastard like me would notice. Props for trying; most people don't.
Your shorthand. Won't go into depth here; others mentioned it. The ampersand (&) has got to go. Any other abbreviations or stand ins are generally bad practice in a story.
Well done for your first time. I myself have never written clop (or "normal" porn)... but I have pre-read it. Do you know how awkward it is to tell an author why his sexyponitimes needs work? Very. Very awkward.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfzpkiB3LC1qafrh6.gif
I can't help but feel that they're missing out on a great opportunity... After all, Rarity is a unicorn too, and Twi DID say the spell wasn't that hard to cast...
First I saw the title. Then I saw the mature tag. "Pffft, it's probably nothing I'm interested in."
'Yo dawg, futas be in dis fic'
"Alright, welcome to the read later list."
Dangit. I shakefist at the sudden PinkieDash outta nowhere! I was hoping for something else, as my avatar would suggest
Ah well, this is still a fun read. Tracking it~
2494502
I think that will come after the "everypony had sex with Twilight"-week.^^
Han may be an idiot, but dealing with the Quarians is worth it when it comes to Tali.
2494022
Agreed.
Perhaps just a line of tildes. Maybe a small image, like say, of Twi's cutie mark?
2494826
Renegade interrupt. Punch him in the gut. Highly satisfying, even if paragon.
RED
GREEN
BLUE
There, no need to finished ME3. You can use the time to write some more.
Please don't stop! Loving it so far!
2496491
Scan the comments below and see my response to MyDigitalHazard on the matter.
On a ten point scale of clopfics, I would put this at about a six. It's good overall, but a little clumsy in many places,I'm sure that simple practice will cure that quickly enough.
However, two things bother me about this story. First is that the positions as described are not feasible for equines. Human sex positions simply do not work when your legs have different joints.
Second, it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine that a pair of virgins would try anal on their first night. Anal is not automatically sexy. It's painful without proper prep work, and even those who enjoy it are normally turned off at first by the thought of (sorry for the crudity) crap involved with sex.
I love it! You basically wrote out everything I was looking forward to read
That being said, I do recognize a few minor flaws, but the actual sex scenes were wonderful, and I don't really mind the fact that the mane 6 have basically been stalkin' each other's flanks (outside from Twily) the whole time. Clopfics don't have to be that complicated, this style works out really well.
2495183
Sheesh, dude. SPOILERS.
ahh, what the hay. tracking.
How about this...
how about...
Rainbow...
and Pinkie...
at the same time...
Kinky
I kinda want to see a huge mane six orgy, with Twilight being the only non-futa pony. That's just my fucked-up mind speaking, though.
Wow, good thing her closest and most loyal friend wasn't around to hear that slap in the face.
The clop scenes here are incredibly hot and exceptionally well written, but they're also a little painful to read. You could certainly benefit from and finding an editor and avoiding that ampersand. For me though, what's disconcerting is seeing Spike's closest family and the object of his affection (and now the rest of his only close friends) connecting like this without the tiniest shred of thought for him. It's making all six ponies very hard to like.
If this is a semi-serious romance, I would be glad to see the Spike issue addressed before they go any further. If it's just fun clop, then why the heck not make up a b.s. excuse to legalize his involvement? Stating that dragons reach maturity earlier than ponies is no sillier than Twilight magically granting mares a pseudo-schlong. It's fics like this that make me wish the fandom wasn't so fcking determined to see him as a child.
I would definitely recommend him to Fluttershy; since she's too nervous to find a stallion, the small, cute, mostly harmless dragon she already knows and trusts would be quite good for her.
2491294 It got a laugh out of me, albeit a confused and slightly scared one, but one nonetheless
2497496 How was that a spoiler? It's fucking colours.
You know, when I first looked at this story and heard the story premise, I thought this was gonna be another shitty story put up to Featured because people got boners over it.
Then I riffed the first chapter.
My friend, you have rekindled my hope for good clop, as I feel quite bad about riffing this. This is solidly written, and highly enjoyable. The premise is still bad (since when is 'sexology' a recognized field in science or magic? Heh.), but now that I've seen it, I really can't argue.
You've taken a questionable premise, and made it work. You've taken our adoring, loveable characters, and played true to their personalities. You made the first chapter wholesome, enjoyable, and bloody well worth reading.
I hope I see you up in Featured again, and will gladly continue riffing this. Because it's been a damn long time since I riffed a GOOD STORY. Upvote, faved, and you have another stalker in the bush behind you because of this. Fantastic fucking work.
2494502 IIRC, the line was:
So it's assumed that rarity (not a magic scholar) would have a very difficult time casting it, and would probably need weeks of practice etc etc.
Totally worth it if she does, but for now Twi has lots of other friends to play with.
2500724 In the case of clopfics anyway, I think that ignoring Spike is basically trying to skip past any foalcon type stuff. In show, he's
inconsistently characterizedshown to act like a pre-teen. Usually immature but capable of taking care of himself for short periods and has moments of greater maturity (usually when Twi's having a breakdown.) If he's twelve-ish (mentally, if not physically) then putting him into a sex scene is squicky in a very different way than anything else in this story.Given how Rarity reacts to Twilight asking "Hi would you like me to give you a magic dick so you can plow me?" I would qualify this as (well written) clop.
If this were a true romantic story with mature themes, you would be spot-on though.
2499923 this is a story about talking cartoon horses having sex. stfu
MOAR!
Moar plz :D
Twilight's gonna get scrapped more than a fishermans knuckle.
Damn, girl(s).
Good story, I look forward to reading more.
2500724
Why are you so set on Spike?
This is the second story where I found you 'complaining' that Spike wasn't in it. Spike is sorta like a little brother. If the story is about the big sister and her friends, then Spike has no place there, even though he has a crush on Rarity. Rarity and her friends have no obligation to take Spike's crush into account.
great story! I can't wait to see how applejack handles twilight.
Wow. The premise to this is paper thin.
I'm okay with that I think.
I FORGOT WHERE is SPIKE i can just picture him laying in his basket with wide eyes holding his blanket to his chest
Rarity dominating and taking care of Twilight is adorable!
5114019 The story said he's in Canterlot
2500724
2510727
Not to mention spikes what 12? If no matter how you look at spike should be grossly underage when compared to the mane six. Think this through at best we can say twiligt got her cutie mark in between 7-8. Immiediately making him that much younger than the rest. So lets celestia sent twi off at 21 that puts him at 14. And that doesn't even factor equestria girls WHERE THEY'RE ALL IN HIGH SCHOOL! Spikes crush is doomed to fail no matter how you slice it. Rarity will eventually find someone regardless of spikes wishes and he will, if hasn't figured it out by then, be heart broken. Its an adolescent crush at best and will die a painful death.
7629162 Speaking of, in the cartoon, Spike's crush on Rarity hasn't even been alluded to as of late, has it?
The dock. This area is called the dock.