Nicholas doesn't really know Princess Celestia. Sure, he's met her once or twice, when Twilight was still trying to find a way to get him home. Exchanged pleasantries and what not. But never had he had a real, sit-down conversation with her.

Now, he's been summoned to Canterlot to work as Celestia's advisor. He has no other options but to accept.

Cover art used with permission by Miokomata. Go check them out!

Audio reading of prologue by StraightToThePointStudio. Go check them out!

Anon is woken up early to find that Princess Celestia has found it necessary to inform him of an ancient Equestrian law that concerns him. Of course he would make a good personal masseuse, right?

Rated teen for foul language and a tiny bit of lewd references.

This is an anonymous commission! Feel free to contact me if you’re looking for a commission as well!

Cover art by Mercurial64! 1988247

This story is a sequel to Ponies, Pirates and Peculiar Psychopaths

Chrysalis has been driven out of Canterlot, her invasion defeated. However, an old friend from her time before becoming queen is more than happy to help her succeed with her plans.

Will these two achieve their goals, conquering pony-kind and ruling over them with iron fist and hoof? Or will they be stopped in time, preserving the peace that Equestrian has known for as long as can be remembered? There is more than just dreams of world domination at work, though, this is personal for Chrysalis and her rediscovered assistance.

Hopefully, the line that 'Evil never triumphs' will prove to be correct, or else a drastic change is going to descend upon not just Equestria, but the entire world.

Thanks to Avatar of Madness for the coverart.

Don't write on two hours of sleep, trust me.

A story with an Anon and the methods he takes to dissuade the Princesses from asking him so many questions about his home and culture. Lacking the basic courtesy of a pony and definitely disregarding their pride in magic, this human drops to lows that are usually seen only in the most disgusting of humans.

Enjoy or not, I had fun writing this and it's more for my sanity than anything.
PS- No actual sex is in this story so calm yourselves.

Professional Reviews

"drunk/10 not bad" –NuclearWaffles21

"I'm seriously rock hard right now." –Rebel

"yeah the 3 children in my basement won't shut the fuck up" –Winter the Gimp

"This is both extremely stupid, and written in such a way that I expect your non-trolly-stories to not be extremely stupid." –bobbananaville

"I don't remember how I found this story, but it was weird, and I liked it." –Narlepoax III

”I like story! Is very good! Now you go to Gulag!” –Joseph Stalin

Everything dies.

Sometimes sooner than it should, and sometimes not for very long.

When death proves to be a bit more impermanent than it should be, Celestia is left to figure it out.

As well as why the new citizen of her fair land seems so intent on keeping the answers to himself.

Over a millenium ago, a creature was dug up beneath the Crystal Empire— a sleeping god. But as all shall know, a sleeping god still dreams.

Holy bugger I hit the featured box, 12/09/2014. Also, turns out I have a TV TROPES page . http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/Millennium

I would like to thank the brilliant C-Conztantine on Deviantart for his allowing me to use his fantastic illustration.

There are no such things as bad ideas; instead, there are badly executed plans.

The young Todd McRaven knew the differences quite well.

After the death of his only brother, Todd had to learn again how to live a life, and little did he know, he would be aided by the most unlikely creature to ever cross his path.

A cloned alicorn.

There are some things in this world that absolutely no one can walk away from unchanged. Here we have Celestia on an investigative trip to the Badlands south of Equestria. Twilight's research told of a hidden city built by wonderful and terrible beings who "came before". Celestia needs to see it for herself. It is in a barren desert tainted by an unknown energy that destroys all who live...but perhaps not all who have lived. In one burnt out ruin hidden below the depths of that lonely place is a mausoleum haunted by its mistakes. Not even the ruler of the sun is all knowing and there are some secrets that will always hurt more than they help. This is a story about desperate minds searching for a solution in desperate times, what can happen when we let fear fuel the day, and good intentions gone wrong.

This is a sequel to my other story To Be Remembered. It takes place in the same "City of Dust" as that story, but I don't think you need to read that in order to enjoy this one. It's up to you. Contains some blood and takes place in a post-apocalyptic city outside normal, happy Equestria.

You are Anon, and you managed to marry your love, Princess Celestia. However, fate conspires against you, and you end up bound to her sister as well.

Now if only you knew more about Luna than her name.

Princess Celestia was going for an incognito stroll through the town in order to unwind from court, that was until she came across a small oddity of a shop called 'Cliff's Craft' on Elder Street.

So, she decided to pay Equestria's only resident human a visit.

[E] Means it has been professionally edited.

Mild violence, swearing and sexual themes.

Please note: In this story ponies (and others) are similar (anthropomorphic) to humans. Though ponies (for example) are generally shorter, have fur, magic, cutie/destiny marks, and the extra appendages like wings or horns.

Also shout outs to:
PurpleFloof for editting!
Dekaskittalz for proof reading!
Vongoalyken for the advice!