With time short and a life on the line, Twilight goes to a forgotten corner of town seeking out an urban legend in the desperate hope it can help her. What she finds is all that she expected and more. A creature of darkness that offers favors for blood. But first it wants to know how Twilight found it, and why.

In the process, Twilight learns a valuable lesson. It's frightening enough to know that supernatural creatures actually exist, but what is truly terrifying is when those creatures know you exist. And one of them takes an interest in you.

Pre-read by RTStephens and TheAlbinocorn. Cover art by S-I-REN

Oh noes!!!1!!11!!1!!11! Equestria has, through horrifying circumstances, ended up at war with a particularly pesky principality of perpetually pissed-off griffons! Ponies of all kinds have been called up to serve their remaining princesses and fight off the beaked menaces, in locales as varied as tropical beaches to, at the extreme end, parched desert. Luckily, the love of country has rendered even the softest, most insipid, most utterly ordinary ponies into a well-oiled fighting machine.

Unfortunately, it turns out that the love of country has rendered the most utterly extraordinary ponies into a complete and total liability. Oops.

Lowbrow comedy. Something of a spiritual successor to my first (bafflingly successful) story, A Cursory Background Check. Contains acts of violence, paragraphs of sex jokes, and a general level of intelligence about five standard deviations below the mean.

This was a terrible idea.

-GM, master of stupid things.

Who is Applejack?

A mechanic working in a world of endless gears, trying her best to keep the Mesh up and running. She is just a small part of a much larger whole...

"Every pony thing evre made would be better if it had me in it."
- me

I, Detective jakkid166, will be prepared to make every pony fanficion, video, and game better by me being in it. All you favorite pony content, except it has ME! And even I could be in some episodes of the show except cause the charaters are idiot I'm good at my job.

The ultimate Detective jakkid166 adventures collection, as he goes into EVERYTHING to make it good.

(These stories is not canon to my other stories unless it says so.)