Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXXXIV · 9:42pm Feb 17th, 2022
I took a rather long break from writing this month. Roughly two weeks that sort of snuck up on me. When it finally hit me, I started to feel guilty. So I got back to looking at one of my recent short story projects and was reminded all over again why I like the idea so much. Hopefully I can get that done soon.
Alas, yesterday I spent the whole day at my new house (still haven’t moved in) so I could meet a delivery guy for some new appliances and the AT&T tech putting a fiber-optic connection in the house. Plus somehow the main water valve connecting the house to the town’s system is broken, so I had to coordinate with the town on that. I didn’t get any writing done. Barely finished my reading, and this is a break week. This weekend I’m going to head over there again to try and warn my neighbors that AT&T plans to dig a zig-zaggy trench around their property lines in order to bury my fiber-optic cable, because of course the main connection box is at a cul-de-sac on an entirely different street.
Yeesh. At least I’m almost done with this stuff. And in the meantime, here’s hoping I can get this crackship oneshot out the door before the month is out. Speaking of, if anyone’s interested in pre-reading a slice-of-life/drama with an underpinning of an unusual shipping pair, feel free to drop me a line.
Shall we get to the reviews?
Stories for This Week:
Exchange by getmeouttahere
Prevaricator by scifipony
Anon-a-Miss by Dainn
Our Illusion by Monochromatic
Total Word Count: 245,834
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Exchange
199,567 Words
By getmeouttahere
Anonymous the Human has already been through a lot. Torn from his own world and forced to live in one full of miniature neon horses was bad enough, but then the purple one develops an obsession with courting him that he does not appreciate. He went through hell and made a deal with a (tall, white, winged and horned) devil to finally escape her, which meant life could finally return to some semblance of normal. Then that same white devil shows up at his door. Celestia has abdicated her throne to Twilight, and now she’s keeping Anon company as his roommate. Not exactly what he had in mind for ‘normal’...
This one is a bit of an odd duck in several ways. For starters, the story skips vast amounts of events, including Anonymous’s arrival in Equestria and a prior quest to complete a series of trials. The trials were all to get an “ascension orb”, which he gave to Celestia as part of a deal to keep Twilight away from him for good. Except Celestia then gave Twilight said orb, which made her an alicorn, and then gave her the Sun Throne so that she could retire. But Twilight is having one of her extended, over-the-top freakouts, and that means she’ll stop at nothing to get Anon back. I’m actually fine with this; skipping the “Anon arrives in Equestria” bit spares us from events that we’ve already seen a million times in a billion stories, and skipping the trials becomes a good thing for the plot’s later development.
The second odd thing is the writing style, which is second person but with “you” as Anonymous. I find this form of Second Person narration more forgivable than the usual, as we have a defined and named character playing the role of “you”. That alleviates a lot of the common issues, or so I feel. Given the timing of the story, it’s hard to guess if the “Anonymous” is really meant to be the reader with an obvious name to serve as a placeholder or if it is intended as the traditional “Anonymous” character who now frequently appears in comics and fanfiction, but I prefer to think it’s the latter as this makes the narrative choice tolerable.
You have to be willing to accept a lot of nonsense for this one. For example, Twilight’s behavior should obviously cause all her friends to immediately turn against her, especially when you consider the enormous cost to Equestria in multiple types of “cost”. It’s simply unconscionable. Applejack, to her great credit, recognizes this and abandons Twilight right away. But then we have Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy, who are somehow able to warp their minds to such a degree that they’re willing to help Twilight do highly unethical and cruel things to good people for reasons that are nothing short of insane. This reeked of the author making characters do things for the sake of seeing specific events happen rather than them making sense or improving upon the story, and I do not approve.
Then there’s the whiplash of character behavior. Take one scene in which Celestia and Anonymous are fleeing from a massive dragon. One moment they’re in a state of sheer panic, terrified and not sure what to do. The next, they’re laughing and reflecting on how much fun all of this is – with the fireballs and wanton destruction still going on, mind you. In another scene, Anonymous gets pissed off at Celestia for no reason whatsoever, but within a minute or two he’s having fun and discovering that he loves her. The entire story is full of these nonsensically mercurial moments.
It’s too bad, too, because the underlying story of this is good. We’ve got epic quests to foreign lands, desperate battles in the skies above Canterlot, and an ever-developing relationship/romance between Celestia and Anonymous. These things were all great, and when getmeouttahere bothers to really focus on them what we get is some solid material.
In the end, I feel like the author couldn’t decide whether they wanted a goofy, show-like comedy or an adventurous epic, and so mashed the two together in hopes that they’d stick. The show-like comedy is good. The adventure is good. But I feel that getmeouttahere failed to combine them in a way that made a cohesive whole, which is the story’s only serious failing.
Still, I imagine this will have a large audience. I’m one of those snobby “you gotta write it right!” types, after all. The less picky among us – which I imagine is the vast majority of the potential audience – will roll their eyes at my criticisms and have fun with it anyway. Which is my longwinded way of saying “try it anyway, you’ll probably like it more than I did”. I can see the story having mass appeal and have nothing against that, hence my rating.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Prevaricator
1,779 Words
By scifipony
Scootaloo spots Rainbow reading to a hibernating Tank and decides to investigate.
Does this qualify as a fix-fic? I’m not sure. It largely exists to demonstrate A) the hidden reason Rainbow acted so ridiculously in Tanks for the Memories and B) how she was punished for her in-episode crimes. But it doesn’t outright change anything that happened in the episode, so I don’t know if it counts as a “fix” fic.
On the one hand, I really appreciate the relationship between Scootaloo and Rainbow in this one, particularly how it acts as Scootaloo seeing her “big sister” in a weak position for once and how she reacts to it. On the other hand, the conclusion operates under this idea of Celestia going incognito in Ponyville (poorly) at Sugarcube Corner and pronouncing Rainbow’s punishment.
I really wasn’t buying the whole Celestia bit. She just so happening to be in Sugarcube Corner at the same time as Rainbow and Scoots? And given that Mrs. Cake clearly recognized her, I seriously doubt the stealth worked as well as she might think. It just felt like a nonsensical coincidence shoehorned into the scene just so the author could add one more point into the story.
Then again, this kind of nonsense strikes me as exactly the kind the show’s creators would have pulled for a fast resolution of an episode. From that perspective, it might not be so bad, assuming you’re interpreting this as a direct continuation of the episode.
Not a bad fic, but nothing amazing either. Read it for some Rainbow/Scootaloo friendshipping, if that’s what you’re into this week.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Mark Misconception — Pretty Good
Anon-a-Miss
37,383 Words
By Dainn
Requested by cerealkiller78
When the request for this story came in, I was the opposite of enthusiastic. I was annoyed. Yet another story based on that stupid Anon-A-Miss comic to heap onto the bajillion others, and this time the author was so lacking in creativity they couldn’t even come up with a half-ass interesting name for the thing. Even worse was that, despite having extremely low expectations, I had no legitimate excuse to refuse. So I bit my tongue, stuck to my standards and accepted the request.
All of that is just to preface: I apologize, both to cerealkiller78 and Dainn. This was vastly better than anything I anticipated.
I’m not going to bore you with the start. You know what Anon-A-Miss is about, and if you don’t I suggest you crawl out of that rock you’re living under. Sunlight’s good for you, y’know (he says hunched over his keyboard with all the blinds closed tight and the lights turned off). What’s different about this one is how it plays out. The story follows Sunset as she tries to find the true culprit behind the Anon-A-Miss source. That sounds like everything we already have seen a million times, but then we get to the consequences.
They are big. More importantly, they are dark. This isn’t a story where the CMC are called out and confess and everyone goes back to how things were. Instead, this is one involving assault, fraud, and attempted murder. This is the permanent sundering of friendships. This involves costly mistakes with lifelong impacts. This is Sunset learning who her friends really are, and this time there are no second chances.
It is that idea that actions have consequences that makes this story work so well. Even better, it stays within the bounds of its setting. There are no external influences, Sunset doesn’t go back to Equestria, we don’t have some villain pulling strings in the background. This is Canterlot High and its environs, no extra shenanigans required.
Generally well-written and possessing a strong sense of Show and Tell, this is certainly better than I ever imagined. It’s not just about Sunset, either; we’ve got Celestia and Luna doing their best to help, Rainbow’s typical manner of shooting first and asking questions later, Gilda being a hardened criminal, and some surprising heroics from a pair of boys I never expected to show up. Come to think of it, those two were a highlight of the story, both due to their surprising roles and the fact that they aren’t characters I often see in serious fanfiction.
If you’re burned out on the whole Anon-A-Miss thing, I can’t say I blame you. Even so, I encourage you to give this one a try. The ending is more bitter than sweet, but it’s a great demonstration of how stupid decisions based on emotions can lead to terrible and permanent consequences for those involved. Frankly, I think Sunset was far too kind at the end, but I won’t let that bother me too much. If for some reason you’re actually trying to find an Anon-A-Miss story, this should serve as your fix while you’re getting your head examined.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Our Illusion
7,108 Words
By Monochromatic
Sequel to The Art of the Blade
In the last story of Mono’s Bodyguard AU, we find Princess Rarity and her bodyguard/secret lover Twilight Sparkle in Trottingham. Technically they’re there on official princess business, but in practice Rarity is on vacation, due largely to Duke Fancy Pants doing all the work. Bored out of her mind and desperate to avoid another day facing the courting of the Duke’s son, Rarity decides she wants to take a stroll through town. No escorts, just her and Twilight. Twilight is reluctant. At first.
Yes, I know there is a sequel to this, so it’s not technically the last story in the AU. But since Mono never finished said sequel, I don’t intend to go any further. Of course, not finishing said sequel is a crime that, in a just world, would be punishable by being chained to a desk until the story was properly finished. Buuut then I’d find myself facing the same punishment, so I must lobby against the practice. A shame in a great many ways.
Anyway, this story starts with one of my all-time favorite things: marshmelodrama. I was instantly in love with the story, especially with ever-serious Twilight serving as Rarity’s foil. I should also note that I am very fond of this slightly self-obsessed Rarity. A few (slightly edited) favorite moments:
"But… What if ponies see me as some ugly old mule? Can't you make sure I still look beautiful? I suppose I should find comfort knowing the only pony that matters will still see me as I am."
Twilight's cheeks burned at that, and a smile pushed its way onto her lips…until she noticed Rarity was fondly sighing at her reflection in a nearby window.
"They really don't see me."
"Now you know how it feels to be me."
"I see you, silly filly. And frankly, that's the only thing that matters."
"We need fake names. Based off each other, perhaps? I'll be Lavender Star, and you'll be… Eternal Beauty!"
"Eternal Beauty?"
"Darling, I'm simply trying to be accurate!"
As entertaining as Rarity’s antics are, there’s more to the story than that. This is about Twilight and Rarity going out in public, albeit disguised, and for the first time ever being open about their feelings for one another. It’s a chance to do things that position and public expectations dictate will probably never come to pass. Even as they enjoy the opportunity to do it, there’s that underlying weight, one that comes crashing down at the end of the story.
I’ll admit that my particular interests leave me biased with this one. Even so, I imagine it’ll be a lot of fun for anyone with an appreciation of the RariTwi ship. This one’s 95% fun, 5% bittersweet, and well worth the time invested.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go lament a sequel unwritten.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Enchanted Library — WHYRTY?
Injuring Eternity — WHYRTY?
The Princess's Gift — Pretty Good
The Art of the Blade — Pretty Good
The Princess's Choice — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
From Dusk to Night by KuroiTsubasaTenshi
Rules of Etiquette by I-A-M
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I'm amazed you got anything out of that Anon-a-Miss fic. c.c I thought it was over the top and ultimately too grimdark to be worth anything.
We all know that Anon-A-Miss could only be really solved through MORTAL KOMBAT-style duels. But some serious stories out there are also good occasionally. I guess I'll give that one a chance.
I guess I'd be interested in pre-reading this mystery fic. How long is it?
5636988
I guess that's where our tastes divide. I didn't think it was over-the-top at all. And grimdark? That seems a bit extreme.
5637096
I think it's around 10k at this time? I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up being 15k or so by the end.
I always believe that the only function of the story of "Anon-A-Miss" is to stimulate the enthusiasm of fans to create their own works.
5637156
In other words, "Let's make something so profoundly bad that the audience will have no choice but to write superior versions, thereby stimulating the public's creative productivity?" Sounds nice, but I doubt anyone at Hasbro has that level of meta in them.
5637159
It looks like "many things grow in the garden that were never sown there".
When I saw the title, I thought you were going to do something special and actually review the Anon-A-Miss comic itself. I am a little disappointed to learn it's just another fix-fic, and a somewhat hyperbolic one at that. Oh well.
5637199
*shrugs* I've never cared about the comics enough to bother with them in the first place. I think I've read... two? Maybe three? And only because I happened to find free versions and wanted to see if they were worth my time. I quickly concluded they were not.
Also, am I the only person in the universe who actually doesn't think Anon-A-Miss (the actual comic, not the fanfic here) was that bad?
It had its flaws, certainly, for instance I would have liked to see less slumber parties and more detective work by Sunset to identify the CMC, but I thought the basic concept was reasonable, and it was one of the few Equestria Girls works to actually make use of the fact that the characters are teenage high-school students. Since this is happening right after the first movie, I think it's totally reasonable for the rest of the cast to be suspicious of Sunset Shimmer, especially since -once again- these are teenagers and being petty and vindictive comes second nature.
Maybe I am just overly focused on production values, but I think just the fact that it had a polished art style and comprehensible dialog puts it ahead of a lot of early-season episodes of the show.
5637206
I imagine that you are indeed in a minority there. I can only go on what I've heard, which I admit probably plays against my desire to be unbiased. At the same time, my disdain for the whole thing isn't so much what's in a comic I haven't read as it is against how inexplicably, frustratingly common Anon-A-Miss fix-fics are.
5637207
Yeah, Anon-A-Miss 'fics are cancer. I remember, for another project, reading through some and trying to write down the key points they made as bullet points, and they were so samey.
I'd honestly suggest giving the comic itself a read at some point, though. Like I said, it's not the best thing ever, but reading it after hearing what the fandom thought of it was kind of an interesting experience. Like, the opposite of how spoilers can adversely impact someone's enjoyment of a work.
5637207
The comic came out during a low-point in the IDW main series, but I guess I'm also part of the minority who really didn't mind Anon-a-miss? I felt like it was maybe a retread of Ponyville Confidential, but it was still a fair-play whodunnit. Nothing to get worked up over, and certainly nothing to inspire the miles and miles of fix-fics and reinterpretations that followed it. But, as we've mentioned, I'm in the minority here.
5637134
That's an amount I can easily read. Do you send me the fic to proofread now, or when it's done?
5637443
Good to know! I'll want to finish the rough draft before I send it out for pre-reading. Given my current (unimpressive) rate of writing I imagine it'll be a few days yet before I get to that point, but I'll be sure to PM you when it's ready. Thanks for volunteering!