It's Time. This is the End. · 5:08am Jan 13th, 2022
Hey y'all!
I hope you're all doing great and all of that. I think it's a massive understatement to say that the past 24 months have been incredibly stressful for all of us. I hope y'all found a good means to deal with the pandemic despite...well, pretty much everything around us these days.
These past 24 months have been pretty rough on me and they've let me to ponder and rethink some of my positions. In having a lot of time for introspection, I've reflected on a few things and I am now finding myself having to take a few tough decisions. Not only that, but I think that reality has caught up to me and I can't keep dodging it.
As of right now, The Melody of the Heart and any related projects to it are cancelled. I'm going to be brutally honest, both with myself and my audience. When I set out to write this story 9 years ago, I had a far different outlook. I was, to an extent, a very different person than I am today (what a shocker, personal growth!). And most importantly, I was in a very different mental state than right now.
Back in 2013, I was still recovering from a 2011 major depression episode, I was heavily coping with everything I was going through. If you've ever interacted with me on Discord regarding my writing, there has been this running gag that I am a horrible person to my characters (which I was). With what I know now, this was essentially just me trying to find a way to express my pain at that time. Most of what Melody went through were some of my own experiences. Finding a place to belong, finding my own voice, finding my purpose. I had a lot to figure out back then that I have since then worked on a lot more. And as time went on, as I slowly repaired myself and brought myself over to a new mindscape and perspective, I began to feel disconnected from my story. Because that pain was no longer there. That uncertainty no longer had as much sway as it had. There was nothing to really tie me back to the story, beyond trying to convince myself I could steer this ship, despite my outline being done, to port. That emotional connection was gone and it took me a long time to really realize that. I actually only dawned on that realization a few days ago, which stemmed from a youtube video involving therapists discussing various topics.
I wrote myself into a wall as time went on, as I tried to somehow make the story into something more empowering, but the foundations were rotted by my past self and I eventually realized that I no longer had any real drive in writing Melody where the only way forward was to throw myself back into this torrent of pain from long ago. I'm trying to be a better person, to lift myself up and be the me I know I can be.
And that includes accepting that everything that has a beginning must have an end. And this is my end as a writer on this website.
I pray you all find success going forward. I hope that my audience can one day look back at my work and remember it fondly.
This has been Star Origin, signing out.
Y'all have a fantastic one.
Really sad to see you go under this name.
Anzel and Crystal, now you, all the people I know or knew are leaving, be well Star.
It's been a long time since we talked, but I do understand love and connections to a story does fade sometimes. Stay strong, friend. God bless.