Violet Bier, Part 3 · 12:56am Dec 20th, 2021
And so, Twilight arrested Violet Bier. It was a citizen’s arrest, until the crowd yelled at her, repeatedly, that that wasn’t a real thing and a princess should know the law better than that. In response, Twilight shouted back that yes she was a princess, so maybe it was just a regular arrest, because she can do that and she can also put ponies in her dungeon.
As she dragged a magically bound Violet back to the castle, she grumbled that nopony ever told Princess Celestia that the dungeon was, “Just her basement.”
Probably because Celestia was taller.
“Princess. Er, your Highness. Twilight. I really think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding.” Violet said. She was bound head to hoof in glowing green cords, floating along behind Twilight in a telekinetic grip. “Maybe we could bring this up with the mayor? She’s in her office. Really. I was there a moment ago.”
“Nice try. But how about we take it up with my friends instead?” Twilight turned up her nose. “I’m going to get them down here right now, we’ll all bring you down to the Tree of Harmony, and we’ll wash that dark magic right out of you.”
Violet paused. “Uh…” Her tone turned dubious. “You’re going to get Rainbow Dash on the ground before 10 AM? You know how she feels about times before 10 AM.”
Twilight didn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, she marched Violet into the castle, plopped her bound form down in an unoccupied chair, and set about sending magical messages to all her friends.
While she was sending the messages, Spike brought Violet breakfast tea and little cookies. Her hooves and horn were both restrained, so she couldn’t actually eat them, but it was the principle of the thing. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “she does this sometimes, you know?”
“Spike.” Twilight snapped from across the room. “Stop enabling the necromancer.”
Rarity was the first of Twilight’s friends to arrive. She’d already been in the town square doing her morning shopping, and so was only a few blocks away when Twilight’s missive arrived. “Twilight,” she called, throwing open the doors to the castle and rushing inside. “What’s wrong? Your message said there was an emergency.”
“There is. Thank goodness you’re here.” Twilight smiled for the sight of her friend. “I captured an evil sorceress, and we need to take her to the Tree of Harmony to drive the black magic out of her.”
“My goodness. That is serious.” Rarity nodded. Then she frowned, tilting her head to look past Twilight. “What’s Violet doing here?”
Twilight blinked. Once, then twice. “Rarity, she’s a necromancer.”
“Right.” Rarity paused, staring blankly at Twilight. Then comprehension dawned. “Oh! Is she going to kill this sorceress’s wicked ambitions? I suppose that would be one way to reform an evil doer.”
Slowly, Twilight’s lifted a hoof to her face. She shut her eyes and rubbed her temples.
“Hi, Rarity,” Violet called softly. Inside her restraints, she wiggled a hoof. “Sorry I can’t get up to greet you. Actually, I don’t want to impose, but my nose itches. Could you…?”
“No, she may not!” Twilight snapped, the change in tone so abrupt that Violet and Rarity alike jumped in place. She opened her eyes again, looking Rarity square in the eye: “She is the evil sorceress. She is a practitioner of the dark arts.”
“Twilight!” Rarity pulled her head back. “How dare you? Apologize to poor Violet at once.”
“I will do no such thing.” Twilight lashed her tail, her words quick and clipped. “You do understand what necromancy is, right? It’s death magic.”
“I am aware of that, Twilight.” Rarity’s tone was forcefully patient. “I simply don’t see how it’s relevant information.”
“It’s relevant because her magic can do nothing but destroy.” Twilight made a sweeping chop with a hoof. “It can’t heal wounds, create life, encourage growing, or do anything else wholesome. It is an inherently evil practice.”
“Oh, pish posh!” Rarity let out the most ladylike tsk. “A woodpony’s axe is hardly a tool of healing and creation, particularly for the poor trees, but we do not say that it is a force for evil in this world.”
“Just this morning,” Twilight stomped the ground with her hoof, “I saw her use animal sacrifice to invoke the Shadow of All Things. She summoned an evil spirit to consume Thunderlane and Flitter’s relationship and now they don’t feel anything for eachother.”
“Finally!” Rarity let out a heavy sigh, lowering her head. “I swear, if I had to listen to those two snipe at each other in public one more time I was going to kill them both. We get it, Flitter, he cheated on you. And maybe in response to that you should leave him instead of clinging to him like a barnacle with abandonment issues.”
Twilight needed a moment to process this information.
“Rarity…” she finally said, “do you see the pony in front of you? She’s in an black robe, stained with blood, and her jewelry is made mostly of bird skulls.”
“Yes, Twilight,” Rarity’s tone was ever so light. She even lifted her head just-so, so she could look down the length of her muzzle at Twilight. “Tell me what you think of her timeless, classic, nay, evocative necromancer’s robe, which organically advertises her profession while also highlighting her most attractive features.”
“Oh,” Twilight said. Luckily for her, the castle door swung open again before she had to think of a reply.
“We’re here!” Pinkie Pie called as she hopped inside. Applejack and Fluttershy were in tow behind her. “Rainbow Dash will be along in a bit. She had to stop for espresso because, you know, times before 10 AM. But she might be awhile because the line is really long. Hey, Violet! Your nose looks itchy. Want help?”
“Oh, thank goodness, yes.” Violet shivered in her restraints. “I didn’t want to interrupt, because you know, Princess. But it’s driving me crazy.”
“I don’t believe this.” Twilight’s looked around to all of her friends. “You all know she’s a necromancer. And you’re okay with this.” She cast a wide gaze around the room, looking for friendly faces. “Everypony?”
“Uh…” Applejack took off her hat and scratched the back of her head. “Beggin’ yer pardon, Twilight, since I sense we walked in in the middle of something. But what’s wrong with that?”
“Her magic kills things!” Twilight gestured wildly with a hoof, her wild motions matching her rising tone. “It only kills and destroys. There is all it is for. Is there ever a circumstance where you wake up in the morning and think, ‘gosh, that innocent creature needs to die.’”
“Well, yes,” Fluttershy said. She drifted over to the main table, and poured another cup of tea from the pot Spike had prepared. “Like my birds.”
“Violet…” Twilight gaped. “She kills your birds?”
“Sure. When it’s their time.” Fluttershy frowned. “Sometimes the poor things hit a window and break their necks, but they get confused and don’t realize what happened. So they’re walking around, heads twisted back, trying to eat seeds with broken beaks or fly on rotting wings. It’s so sad. I mean, what do ponies do in Canterlot to help the little ones along?”
“Uh…” Twilight gaped. “In Canterlot, when birds break their necks, they die on their own. Without help.”
Fluttershy sipped her tea. “That must be nice.”
Twilight’s eyes grew wider, and her manner increasingly erratic. She looked back and forth between her friends with her mouth hanging open half an inch, struggling to form words. Finally, she spluttered: “Well, fine. Fine! But it’s still illegal. It’s one of the forbidden schools of magic. So we need to fix it.”
“Not to put too fine a point on it, but earth pony traditions ain’t subject to your fancy unicorn laws.” Applejack cleared her throat. “My grandparents were buried by a necromancer. And so were my parents. And I swear to Celestia, when I die, you’d best make sure one does the job right, or my shamblin’ corpse is gonna punch it’s way right outta the ground and go back to tending that apple orchard. Ain’t no six feet of dirt keeping me from my unfinished business.”
“Oooh. That’s a neat idea. You could help your descendents!” Pinkie Pie hopped over Applejack’s way. “When you kick the bucket, you should totally get an improper burial. That way, your angry spirit can be free farm labor. No farm says no to free labor.”
“Um…” Violet cleared her throat loudly. “Right up until she starts feasting on the living. There’s a reason I only put things down. I don’t do reanimations. I mean, except at that one foal’s party, but that was a special request.”
“There, you see?” Rarity said matter-of-factly. “One day she’ll protect Apple Bloom from having her brains devoured by her older sister’s revenant. And in the meanwhile, there’s all sorts of things that need to be killed: undead animals, toxic relationships, bad ideas, political movements that involve shouting. Oh, and fads. She’s so accommodating about killing fads.”
“But what about…” Twilight started at the floor. She drew a deep breath, and her cheeks puffed out as she released it. She had to hold her face with a hoof. “What about the bunny? She killed a rabbit this morning at the ceremony. Animal sacrifice!”
“Well, that is very sad,” Fluttershy agreed. “But that rabbit was going to be food for the hawks anyway, so it’s not any worse than the alternative. At least this way it’s painless.”
“You-!” Twilight stared at Fluttershy and bit a hoof. “You murder rabbits so your hawks can eat them?” Her jaw fell open. She was positively aghast.
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “Twilight,” she said, with only the faintest hint of frustration, “hawks are carnivores. What did you think they ate?”
Twilight didn’t have a good answer for that.
As she was mulling it over, Rainbow Dash finally flew in. She had an espresso in her hooves, and two more travel-cups tucked into her saddlebags. “Alright, alright. I’m here!” She finished off the cup and grabbed the next one. “Twilight, this had better be important. You know how I feel about times before 10 AM.”
When nopony answered her, she looked around the room. Twilight was staring at the floor. Everypony else was staring at Twilight. “Hey everypony.” She finished off her second espresso in one gulp. “Hey, Violet, why are you tied up?”
Oh wow, I totally forgot about this. But I'm sure glad you didn't. You may be known for drama, yet you can still put a huge grin on my face.
*a letter arrives for Twilight*
Dear Twilight: Necromancers are allowed in Equestria. It is only Necromancers that resurrect ponies to use to attack the living that are not. So let Violet go. Signed: Luna and Celestia
AND FRIENDSHIP MAKES IT ALL COMPLETE, I SEE.
This is quite amusing (it really did make me grin) but I can only find two parts of it.
Only first few times
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Pt 2: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/874014/the-necromancer-of-ponyville
Death is an important part of life, Twilight. Black mana exists for a reason, and not just because hard removal is an important part of game balance.
Times before 10AM are horrible, and there ought to be a law against them.
Why can't I favorite and upvote this?
This needs to be posted as a story damn it
Well, Twilight can always take her to the castle Fungeon. It's like a dungeon, only a lot more fun. And not G rated.
This was so good!
The Guild is gonna have words about this...
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Ah, different title on the middle one. Thanks.
Well, now that I've found it, I'll say they're all quite enjoyable but you did have the Fluttershy/birds not dying properly lines in both parts 2 and 3... Unless that was meant to be a running gag. I do think you could probably make a full-story post out of this instead of just blog posts, I'd certainly give it a thumbs up.
I love the things that Pinkie Pie is allowed to say.
"Slowly, Twilight’s lifted a hoof"
"Slowly, Twilight lifted a hoof"?
"She’s in an black robe"
"She’s in a black robe"?
"But she might be awhile because"
"But she might be a while because"?
"Twilight’s looked around to all of her friends."
"Twilight looked around to all of her friends."?
"There is all it is for."
"That is all it is for."?
Excellent, as usual. Thank you for writing! :D
...Though did you post the bit with Fluttershy and the undead birds before? That felt really familiar.
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"but you did have the Fluttershy/birds not dying properly lines in both parts 2 and 3"
Ahh, thanks.
this was amusingly perfect.
If only things stayed dead when they died life would be a lot more organized
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More likely version:
My faithful student,
I don't like it either, but state-sponsored necromancy is the only way to make land that close to the Everfree habitable. Send another letter if and only if she starts raising the dead rather than putting them down, although you might want to kill her with her own spell first. And then keep watching the body until I send more instructions, because necromancers tend to have trouble taking a hint.