Failed Fics #11 - 'For the Love of the Craft'

Hello and welcome to the next installment of 'Failed Fics,' a look into the numerous fanfics I've started but ultimately had to kill. Their stories vary, but the themes are the same; they just didn't belong in this world.

This one goes back a while, and it's a story I labored over for years; 'For the Love of the Craft,' my attempt at horror, comedy, and buddy adventure stories all in one neat package.

Originally intended as my entry in Aragon's 'Comedy is Serious Business' Contest using the prompt "We Learned Something Unspeakable," I continued to labor over 'Craft' long after that contest was over and done with. I was convinced the story was sound, I simply was having trouble finding the right voice for it.

Only recently, I finally decided to throw in the towel and be done with the thing. Presented here are the 800 or so words I actually completed, followed by a summation of what the rest of the story would have entailed.

Please to enjoy.

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“Starlight?”

Starlight Glimmer’s magic lowered the tea cup from her lips and she smiled gently at the much taller pony sitting across the table from her. “Yes, your Majesty?”

Princess Celestia, Wielder of the Sun and Ruler of Equestria, returned the smile just as gently. “Would you like some more tea?”

Starlight blinked. “Uh… why do you ask?”

“Because you’ve been slurping air for the past thirty seconds.”

Starlight’s smile cracked. She turned to her side to find Trixie, her closest friend and confidante, burrowing her face into her ever-present wizard’s hat. Whether she was doing this to hide an embarrassed grimace or a burst of laughter, Starlight could not tell. She turned back to her guests and cleared her throat. “Perhaps we should…”

“Get to the point of your summoning us here?” Princess Luna’s smile was not nearly as gentle as her sister’s. “Capital idea.”

Starlight’s smile finally fell to pieces. “I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know where to start.”

“In my long years, I’ve always found the best place to start is at the beginning.” Celestia sipped her own tea, her expression unchanged. “Your message certainly seemed to imply something of dire importance. Something you could not go to your other friend’s for.”

“Believe me, I would if I could. I know how busy you to must be.”

“I should be asleep right now.” Luna grumbled. “Kindly get to the point before I pollute your dreamscape with endless parades of…” She paused. “What is it you most fear?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not overly fond of wheels.” The blue unicorn piped in, finally emerging from her hat.

“Wheels, then.” Luna nodded. “I will flood your dreams with legions of wheels unless you explain your reason for summoning us immediately.”

“But I’m not afraid of…” Starlight sighed. “Look, it’s about Twilight.”

The two sisters immediately perked up at the sound of their fellow princess’ name. “Is something the matter with Twilight?” Celestia asked, genuine concern washing away her pleasant demeanor.

“That’s just it. I’m not sure.”

Luna cocked an eyebrow. “Perhaps you should do as my sister suggested and start at the beginning.”

Starlight took a deep breath. “Okay. So… a few weeks ago, Twilight got this sudden urge to delve into her family tree.”

“No small task.” Celestia nodded. “The Sparkle family line goes back centuries.”

“Believe me, I know. She wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks. It got to the point that I was hiding in Spike’s room just to avoid having to hear everything about her ancestors, from wedding dates to funeral dates. Eventually, she started getting to the very root of her family line. That’s when things started getting… weird.”

Now it was Celestia who raised an eyebrow. “You have to remember, Starlight; I was Twilight’s teacher and mentor. I’m well versed in her… studious eccentricities.”

“This was different though.” Starlight rubbed at her temples. “Suddenly she wasn’t talking about weddings or funerals. She wasn’t drilling important dates into my skull or gushing about how many foals her great, great, great, great, grandmother had in a single lifetime. Suddenly all she would talk about was a single ancestor; Warding Glow.”

Luna tapped her chin. “The name does not ring a bell…”

“He was an alchemist and a practitioner in the darkest of magics. He was pen pals with Ludwing Prance, the stallion who wrote Der Vermiis Mysteriis. He was a dark, mysterious figure of the past. And Twilight became obsessed with him.”

“Now, when you say obsessed…”

“Yes. Far more obsessed than usual.”

“The behavior of Twilight Sparkle began to perturb even Trixie.” The magician added in a solemn tone. “Trixie once reveled in using the key Starlight gave her to sneak in and reorganize the books in Twilight’s library in the hopes of sending her into an obsessive fit. But the last time Trixie snuck in, she found Twilight still awake in the early morning hours, pouring over ancient texts by candlelight.”

“Princess Luna still doesn’t think that sort of behavior is out of the ordinary for Twilight. Princess Luna wishes the two unicorns before her would kindly get to the point.” Luna narrowed her eyes at Trixie. “There. Do you see how annoying that is?”

“Luna…” Celestia gently chided her sister.

Luna sighed and rubbed her temples. “I’m sorry. It was a long night, and all I want to do is get back to bed.”

Celestia nodded at Starlight to continue.

“The first big event happened just a week ago. I was on my way out of the castle to run a few errands and I went to poke my head into Twilight’s lab to ask if she needed me to grab anything while I was out. I could hear her inside, chanting in some ancient tongue I didn’t recognize. There was one sound she kept making over and over, like it was some kind of call.”

“What was it?”

Starlight struggled. “It’s hard to replicate it, but it sounded something like ‘Nog Hathoth?’ No, that’s not it. ‘Jog Bathoth?’”

The two sisters shared a meaningful look.

“Aha!” Starlight smacked the table in realization. “It was ‘Yog-Sothoth.’”

Somewhere, deep in the crystal castle, something expensive shattered.

“Trixie thought your student might have been drunk.” Trixie muttered, examining her cape for loose threads.

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'Twilight' makes an appearance speaking in an antiquated tone. When Celestia and Luna remain unconcerned after seeing her, Starlight admits that she did some digging on her own and believes that Twilight has actually been replaced by a resurrected Warding Glow who has plans of invoking the Great Old Ones and helping them to destroy Equestria. Celestia and Luna shock the pair by admitting that they are, in fact, two of the Great Old Ones' flesh avatars and have been waiting for the day Twilight would resurrect their most faithful follower to open the doorway and allow their brother and sister gods to cross over. They also reveal their true names; Cthlestia and Shug Lunnerath. Knowing that no one will believe the two, the sisters allow Starlight and Trixie a small glimpse of their true selves lurking beyond the threshold of reality, then leave for Canterlot to prepare.

Starlight and Trixie follow Warding Glow to Canterlot and discover that Flurry Heart is the prophesied gateway. As Glow prepares the ritual, the two former villains intervene and battle an army of assembled cultists. Trixie frees the real Twilight who quickly dispatches her ancestor by reducing her to her essential salts. After Twilight and Trixie are put down by the sisters, Starlight uses the Neighcronomicon she found by Warding Glow's remains to banish Flurry Heart to another dimension and sever the sister’s links to their godly selves. The flesh avatars are reduced to simple, non-intelligent horses.

Twilight assumes control of Equestria while she tries to give Celestia and Luna's avatars some semblance of intelligence and facets of their previous selves. She instructs Starlight and Trixie to reveal nothing, and charges them with tracking down and stopping anything that came through the portal.

The story ends with the pair finding Fluttershy tending to her new pet; a black goat with a thousand young.

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So... there. I still rather like it, but I could never get a handle on the tone.

For that reason, it's with great sadness that I finally declare it FAILED, despite years of trying.