Thoughts on: The Crystal Empire · 1:05pm Nov 11th, 2012
Crystal ponies! They’re nice and crystally, which probably means that they cost a lot of bits. Good luck collecting the whole set of them! Am I the only one that thinks their manes look prettier when they’re feeling depressed? They look so much silkier.
Damn, that guard at the start bursting into the room like that. Where did he get his information from? He must have secret contacts all over Equestria. Maybe he is secretly trading the secrets of Canterlot for other secrets! HE’S A DOUBLE AGENT, I TELL YA! LOCK HIM UP IN THE DUNGEONS!
And then “...it has returned.” Oooh my my. The horror! The suspense! ...But I wonder how everypony knows which ‘it’ it is.
--Possible Scenario--
Guard: “...it has returned.”
Celestia: “You mean, the bug princess has made a comeback after she got blasted five hundred miles away?”
Guard: “No, I mean... IT. IT has returned.”
Celestia: “You mean, the evil Nightmare Moon has returned after she got blasted all the way to the Moon? Oh, hi there, Luna.”
Guard: “No, I meant...”
---
And then Celestia decides to send Twilight and her friends into horrible, life-threatening missions once again. That’s what you get for being loyal to the princess, Twilight! I bet she’s placed a bet with Luna on you making it back in one piece, and the odds were pretty slim.
A while later, Luna correctly mentions that they don’t stand a chance against the Empire’s magic. With that in mind, the goddess decides to sit back and relax in Canterlot castle, where things are nice and happy and danger-free. Meanwhile, miles away in a desolated snowfield, seven ponies are running for their lives.
Notice that the crystal ponies have interesting gem-shaped pupils? That’s nice.
Pinkie, those look more like swimming goggles rather than night-vision goggles.
Twilight finds a thousand year old book in a library. Gosh that doesn’t a little bit like what happens in my story. It brings about a really catchy crystal fair song! How I wish I found be at that fair. But I think I’ll give the crystal corn cobs a pass, those look like hard stuff.
Yes! Hide the crystal heart by covering it suspiciously and standing guard beside it. It’s sure to work! Nopony would notice!
Ah, Twilight on a solo mission! Wait. What’s that little green and purple thing clinging to her back? She really should get it off and teleport down those stairs.
Meanwhile, King Sombre attempts to form coherent sentences while taking over the empire in a cloud of black smoke
Remember, when you get hypnotized, your eyes would show tell tale signs of haunting greenness. Not red, or blue, or orange, or yellow. Green. Remember that.
God, that’s a lot of stairs. Lucky Twilight is smart enough to use gravity to her advantage. ...Wait, that didn’t sound right.
Crystal ponies, what do you mean that that isn’t the crystal heart? It is clearly a heart made of crystal. You’ve clearly forgotten you definitions in the last thousand years.
NO! RELEASE TWILIGHT YOU SHADOW WORM! And don’t move Spike, just let those black thorny things sprout all around you. That crystal heart make look delicious to you, but DON’T YOU DARE TAKE A NIBBLE OFF IT!
SHINING ARMOR! How could you hurl your wife into danger like that?! You’re lucky she can fly you ungrateful thing.
Mane 6 crystal ponies! Perfect. Let’s all go to the Grand Galloping Gala!
Opps, too late. Sorry about that, Rarity.
Twilight, you shouldn’t be caring about a test when you saved an entire empire. But no worries, you passed. And you can sing a beautiful song about it now to end off.
Well, that passed way too quickly. I always love the two-part episodes; there’s more room to develop the plot; the mane 6 would all be involved, and that’s the way it should be.
Cheers, to a great season of ponies!
-cheezesauce
About that first point... Didn't the guard specifically say news from the north?
And meh, didn't love the episode, but I never love the two-parters. All those interactions between Celestia and Luna that give you a sense they've got a grand plan for Twilight, though; that got me excited for the rest of the season.