Sequels1

  • E Comes the Sunset

    Sunset Shimmer returns to Equestria determined to save her home, but at such cost that destruction might be preferable. With Twilight imprisoned in the Labyrinth Box and the Mane Six captured the hopes of Equestria rest with the CMC.  · Scipio Smith
    82,730 words · 821 views  ·  50  ·  10  · 

Featured In33

More Stories8

  • E How the Sunset Sparkles

    Sunset Shimmer moves to Ponyville under the supervision of Twilight Sparkle, and begins to develop feelings for the new princess. Can love triumph over distrust, wrath, ambition and Sunset's past?
    92,180 words · 2,737 views  ·  323  ·  19
  • E Valiant

    One hundred years after Twilight Sparkle gave her life to defeat Grogar, Thunder Shield is Princess Luna's reserved and grieving student. When Grogar returns, Thunder and a time travelling Twilight must unite to stop him.
    25,003 words · 314 views  ·  20  ·  1
  • E Lift Up the Humble

    Trapped in a blizzard, five minotaurs contemplate the fate of their people. For the May Worldbuilding Prompt
    3,668 words · 197 views  ·  11  ·  0
  • E It's a Blue(blood) World

    Prince Blueblood returns from his disastrous courtship intent on burying his shame beneath pleasure. But sharing the company of Lyra, Octavia and poverty might prove to be just what he needs to turn his life around.
    4,410 words · 219 views  ·  16  ·  1
  • E Comes the Sunset

    Sunset Shimmer returns to Equestria determined to save her home, but at such cost that destruction might be preferable. With Twilight imprisoned in the Labyrinth Box and the Mane Six captured the hopes of Equestria rest with the CMC.
    82,730 words · 821 views  ·  50  ·  10
  • E Mobile Equestria Girls Gundam 00

    In the year 2440, Ponykind has yet to come together as one. The armed organisation Celestial Being declares that it will eliminate war and conflict by staging armed interventions against any countries that promote war. Humanised ponies.
    17,714 words · 687 views  ·  32  ·  7
  • T Light in the Darkness

    Luna visits the Whitetail Wood, to beg forgiveness of a lost tribe of night ponies cursed by Nightmare Moon, and finds that she has wronged them worse than even she thought possible.
    6,838 words · 109 views  ·  12  ·  1
  • E In the Shadow and the Light

    Villages are disappearing, whole communities of ponies vanishing without trace. A powerful empire from beyond the stars claims to offer aid in finding the answers, but what if accepting their help stores up worse problems for Equestria?
    14,390 words · 483 views  ·  11  ·  4

Blog Posts36

  • 6d, 16h
    Shadow of the Fallen

    SirViper, my intredpid ideas-man on Comes the Sunset, has a new fic out called Shadow of the Fallen. As a favour to him, yours truly wrote the first chapter and it was the most fun I've had writing in a while, so I urge you all to check out the fic, because I can tell you without spoilers that SirViper has some really interesting ideas to come for this.

    The story can be found here, and the synopsis is thus:

    Celestia has passed on, all of Equestria weeps for her passing. The crown of Equestria is passed on to Twilight. But Equestria is under threat of collapsing in on itself. Twilight is doing everything she can to prevent this. But will she go too far to protect it?

    Everyone take a look and support an undervalued author.

    0 comments · 17 views
  • 2w, 5d
    Light in the Darkness

    As those of you who are following me will have seen, I have a new one shot out. It's called Light in the Darkness, and I'm bringing it up in this post for the benefit of Comes the Sunset readers. The story is...not exactly a prequel, but it does introduce an element that will a play a more or less important role in the story to come, inspired by a suggestion by Sir Viper, whom I mentioned earlier.

    So please read for a sneak peak. Who knows, you might even enjoy it.

    0 comments · 22 views
  • 4w, 15h
    Introducing a co-creator

    There has been a slight alteration to the summary for Comes the Sunset: SirViper235 is now credited as the co-creator. I was going to call him the co-writer but, since I still do all the actual writing (for those of you who may say that I haven't done any in a while, progress will resume now that How the Sunset Sparkles has been wrapped up, and I'm over 4k words into the latest chapter), I think that creator is more apposite.

    SirViper is such an exuberant dynamo of ideas, and so many of them will be finding their way into Comes the Sunset in future chapters, that it seemed easier just to say that he had a big hand in this rather than to keep pointing out in author's notes which particular details first sprang out of his brain. Of particular note, Celestia and Luna's father has already been seen here and there and will play a more important role in the future and...anything else would be spoilers.

    Sir Viper is a really great guy, and at times his enthusiasm for this story has eclipsed my own so I really am indebted to him, so I'd like to encourage you all to go and check out his own Sunset Shimmer fic Shadow of the Sunset, which has an interesting premise with the potential for lots of juicy emotion later on.

    0 comments · 37 views
  • 8w, 3d
    Scattered thoughts on BUCK 2014

    So, I just got back from BUCK (after a five hour journey back compared to a two hour journey there, thanks a lot bank holiday engineering works), and because I know you all just love to hear my thoughts on life, the universe and everything I'd share my opinion of the con.

    It was awesome.

    More detailed thoughts:

    Highlight of the con for me was GM Berrow's panel on writing and her creative process. I still can't say I'm inspired to pick up any of her books, but I'm definitely glad I went to her panel. Ms Berrow gave the impression of having a mind like a needle concealed beneath a very disarming manner; sort of like meeting a real life Miss Marple (except without the sleuthing, probably). Entertaining and informative.

    Boris Johnson cosplayer! Honestly, that was the thing that made me laugh hardest in the entire convention, not least because the guy was not just dressed as Boris but also acting like him too. Unfortunately, I think that the joke rather flew over the head of G M Berrow, being an American, but I'm sure the Britons in the audience enjoyed it (Boris Johnson is the Mayor of London, and is well known for being at once a bumbling buffoon but at the same time one of the most popular and effective politicians around today; I'm sure all of you in American or elsewhere can supply some local equivalent.)

    I met author Northern Course at the fanfiction panel, and was intrigued by his King Sombra prequel fic. Unfortunately this means that my unread favourites now stands at 229 chapters. At this rate I might actually have to read some of them to keep the number down (novel idea, I know).

    Also at the fanfic panel, Knighty revealed that there has been a half built-review module (the panelists were talking about how useful review groups and 'professional' reviewers are for finding good fanfic, since no one considered the feature box of any use in that regard, and Knighty was challenged to provide a review tool to enable people to find reviews without having to search through a ton of blogs) in fimfiction's code for about three years, he's just never gotten around to finishing and releasing it. Hopefully he will soon, because that would be really cool to see.

    I don't usually like rap, but Mic the Microphone was actually pretty good at times. I'm glad I stayed to listen to him.

    0 comments · 29 views
  • 12w, 5d
    How the hell did this just happen?

    Since I can't work out how to add the image, have a link instead

    As ecstatic as I am I have to ask how, now of all times.

    Still feels awesome however though.

    Thank you all.

    7 comments · 128 views
  • ...
 269
 1,734

Twilight grew up and found her destiny, but there is one pony who feels embittered that it should have been her destiny, her glory.  Breaking Dawn, Celestia's former student, is convinced that she is the true Element of Magic and has been robbed of her honours, her fame and most importantly of the love of Princess Celestia without which Dawn is nothing.

Rallying her old friends, Breaking Dawn sets out to bring Equestria's newest princess down and pass the final test her mentor set her all those years ago. As Dawn begins to wreak her vengeance, and Twilight struggles to protect her precious ponies from her elusive adversary, both these students of Celestia embark upon a dark path, paying no heed to the truth that a quest for revenge can only end one way.

First Published
9th Mar 2013
Last Modified
26th Aug 2013
#1 · 84w, 5d ago · 4 · · Fateful Day ·

An interesting start to an alternate universe fic.

Something tells me Breaking Dawn has got a lot to say to Celestia for leading her on for her childhood...

#2 · 84w, 5d ago · · · Fateful Day ·

Have 5/5 mustaches.

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

NOW BACK TO WORK!

#3 · 84w, 5d ago · 1 · · Fateful Day ·

I like this.

Certainly hope you will continue.

#4 · 84w, 3d ago · · · Fateful Day ·

Not bad. Let's see where this goes.

#5 · 82w, 6d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

This is really exciting and I can't wait for an update. You have a couple of errors but they could be fixed if you gave your story a read through before posting it. Hope that you continue this and I'll be waiting for more.

#6 · 82w, 5d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

You should get some nice picture.

People are more likely to click on your story if your picture is interesting enough. For some reason.

Just saying since this deserves more views than it has been getting. In my opinion anyway.

#7 · 81w, 5d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

Hmmm. Has potential. Added to Twilight's Library.

#8 · 81w, 5d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2348877

Thanks. I thought you'd be a lot longer getting to this considering how much stuff there is in the incoming folder.

#9 · 81w, 5d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2349127

np. And theoretically I should work from the back, but with 58 in there, I just decided to read as many of the short ones as I could and took care of 8 of them, most of which were somewhat recent.

One would think that with the number of admins we have now, we could get through the incoming section, but in practice it seems like I'm still doing a good deal of the approving myself...

#10 · 81w, 3d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

This review was brought to you by Authors Helping Authors

Vengeance of Dawn

Grammar 8/10 There are some omitted words and sentences that could use a little re-writing.

Pros: Your use pf present tense in the first chapter was well done and a good way to summarize past events. Your characterization and dialogue are both very well written. Your pacing is good too, but between the part where Fluttershy delivers Celestia's message, and Twilight complaining about the guards, you might want to add asterisks, it feels like a scene change.

Cons: You've used "said" WAY too many times. Your dialogue is good, but you can convey a lot more emotions and feelings by changing said, to something else. "groaned, snarked, mumbled, etc."  

Other than some grammar flaws and your use of the word 'said,' your story is off to a really good start and you've obtained a fave and like from me.

Please, feel free to review my story Sunset of Time, If you get the chance. I think you might enjoy it.

#11 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2358683 words to use...

chirped (if your desperate), squeaked, muttered, stuttered, exclaimed, shouted, yelled, whispered, thought out loud, barked, announced, sang, lisped, spoke (followed by speaker and a adjective), enunciated, thought loudly (telepaths)... and I'm out for now... updates with more words later!

#12 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2358683ohh wait!

garbled, whined, complained, complimented, etc. etc. (past tense of speech related verbs work!), addressed, hissed (instead of said with a hiss), uttered, sputtered, stuttered (oops), flattered.

#13 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2406557 What are you, a dictionary? :unsuresweetie:

In all seriousness, this could be helpful for my own writing. But I think he gets the point. Thank you!

#14 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2406726 I'm not a dictionary:rainbowhuh:... Was in school and beyond bored:rainbowwild:...  ....  ...  Okay I'm a walking dictionary:unsuresweetie:

#15 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407223 It's alright, the first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one.

#16 · 80w, 1d ago · 1 · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407252 I write alliterative poetry in languages I don't even speak... Please help me...

#17 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407285 hmm. Sounds serious. I recommend more ponies.

#18 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407389 But... I it was for my fanfic "who am I, what is a "pony"?" ... Please enlighten me as to what stories might assist me in relieving my Delphiniac state! OMG I DID IT AGAIN!

#19 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407407 Perhaps something incredibly boring? Like any of my stories.

Or political editorials.

#20 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407487 Hey! SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!... Wait I haven't read your stories yet...

#21 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407498 lol. :rainbowlaugh:

I feel bad. we're cluttering up his comments. Perhaps we should move this somewhere else?

#22 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407509 NEIN! He loves our comments! (until he says otherwhise) but if we have to we can go fill up the comment area of my story!... or wherever would be okay with you:unsuresweetie:

#23 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Fateful Day ·

interesting... Very interesting...

#24 · 80w, 1d ago · · · Life in Equestria ·

>>2407857 Thank you, I know I am... OH you were talking about the story!

Yes, that's pretty good too.

Well, the fact that Dawn and her friends have reunited to usurp Twilight is going to be interesting to see how it ends up.  I'm glad they have a voice of reason in Hardy, though; there is no way their plan is going to end without taking some high-risks.  Glad their plan isn't going to be assassination.  Though if what her saner friends say is true, Dawn's mental state will probably start slipping, and she'll start having a "when your world is nothing but ashes and misery, THEN you have my permission to die" before this is over.

Now, here's a thought they haven't considered:  are they going to go CONFIRM Applejack is permanently out of the picture?  Because just assuming that Twilight had fallen out with Applejack (rather than go home to tend to her farm) and not making sure that Applejack won't be a problem will come back to bite them in the flank.

I can't wait to see what happens next.

I actually like the idea of flipping back and forth between Twi and Dawn. Anyways, do continue, and, well, MOAR MOAR MOAR!

Also, am I a bad person if, in my head, I'm antagonizing Dawn rather than a certain purple princess who happens to be bestpony? :twilightsheepish:

>>2460507

Silly Doctor, Celestia is best pony:trollestia:

But seriously, I don't intend for Twilight to be seen as the villain in this; the fact that Dawn ended up a loser has nothing do with her and she can't be blamed for doing her best in her own life.

Breaking Dawn is kind of like that Bowler Hat Guy in the disney movie Meet the Robinsons, lamenting that his life would have turned out perfect if he hadn't dropped the catch in a baseball game. While she's not supposed to be completely unsympathetic, she doesn't exactly have justice on her side in all this.

>>2460525

Goodgoodgood. I like Bowler Hat Guy, though. :twilightblush:

But I regret to inform you that Celestia is second-bestpony. After Twilight. Because Twilight's a badass.

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

Dawn has some serious mental and social issues it sounds like.  This can only end badly.  For Dawn.  And maybe rather humorously too. Time will tell.

>>2460563

In fairness, I think if the Queen came up to you, told you you were going to save the world and be the greatest thing since sliced bread, then fawned on you for an extended period you might get an ego the size of the moon as well.

I'm looking forward to seeing this unfold...  I really liked the look at the day of the first Rainboom, and the description of Twilight as the "marble pony", as well as the contrast between Twilight disliking the special treatment that comes from being a Princess and Dawn resenting the lack of special treatment after being raised to expect it.

I'm a bit surprised that all of Dawn's friends so readily agree to join her in treason...  They seem like reasonable, well-adjusted ponies...  I would think that they would need to have at least some axe to grind on their own to go that far, even for a friend.  I suppose we'll get a better understanding of them as things go on.

Good stuff!

You know, I kinda picture the confrontation between Breaking and Twilight.

Twi: "What's your problem with me? What did I ever do to you?"

Breaking: *Tells her story*

Twi: "She. Did. WHAT!"

Seriously, what Celestia did was extremely douchy, telling a young child that she is the chosen one, who will one day become a great hero and a princess, only to go: "Sorry, my mistake, I don't need you any more." I really hope that absolutely everypony chews her out for this.

>>2461827

While I can certainly see where your coming from, and I kind of agree, I also think you can make the case that letting Twilight sleepwalk into her battle with Nightmare Moon with no real clue what she was meant to do was a risky strategy. Arguably preparing someone for the challenges they will face makes more sense.

Of course if you then find out you picked the wrong person then yes, that is very awkward.

Dun dun dun! The story gets good!

>>2461827 Yeah exactly but I have to wonder what Twilight will do when she is beaten back.

>>2461990 You know what, that is actually also a good point. Celestia sent Twilight off with the purpose of purifying her sister but hasn't given her any clue. I know that this would not be something Twilight does but what if she opted for an assassination instead? Anyway, I think Celestia shouldn't have done that to Breaking Dawn and she deserves one hell of a compensation.

Incredible story so far, I'm really enjoying it.  Was there an intentional reference here, or am I just a fanboy seeing allusions where they don't exist:

I mean to leave her as she left me: frustrated, powerless, alone...

...Buried alive!  Buried alive.

Twilight: DAAAAAAAWN!

>>2464931

I think that was subconscious, because WoK has definitely been on my mind while writing this, but I'd actually planned on saving a reference to it for later in the story. Ah well, it works OK there I guess.

>>2460525

Silly Doctor, Celestia is best pony

Ha! You just got me to read this story with that line. Respect for others who recognize best pony.

Also the description helped.

First of all, there are a couple of typos in this chapter.

"Please, sit wit me and tell me everything."

Should be 'with' here.

The first was roaring, the wine was sweet,

There are other things this could be, but I'm pretty sure the word you're looking for is 'fire'.

I'm not a good enough writer to comment on the plot, but your dialogue could use a little more body language beside it. It feels a little bit disconnected from the speakers at times.

Now, I like everything you've got so far. The idea is interesting, and I look forward to where you're going with this.

#41 · 76w, 17h ago · 2 · · Masks and Potions ·

I like where this is going... Celestia is the biggest douche in the universe, and Twilight will soon learn that even a princess makes a huge mistake or mistakes

#42 · 76w, 17h ago · 3 · · Masks and Potions ·

damn i'm so torn, Dawn's friends are all really nice individuals (not Dawn herself, she's a total cow) but they ruin themselves by being so judgmental of the mane six :twilightoops: I guess it just makes the story that much better :twilightblush:

#43 · 76w, 17h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

>>2552447

Yes, Laurel traduces Rarity something appalling here, in a lot of ways you could argue for Rarity as the smartest of the six after Twilight herself.

.It's always cool when people point out what they think about the characters because its sometimes, oftentimes, different from what I think. Is it just Dawn's goals that offend you or is it something about her personality?

Spacecowboy
Story Approver
#44 · 76w, 16h ago · 2 · · Masks and Potions ·

>>2552331

I wouldn't really call her a douche.  Simply lost in the focus of returning her sister to her and inadvertently damaging a young mare, yes.  Douche-y, not quite.

#45 · 76w, 16h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

>>2552470 its her arrogant, full of her own self importance, personality, i'm not suggesting for a second you change that, highlighting characters flaws make them much more believable, and she does occasionally surprise me by saying the odd heart felt thing to one of her friends

#46 · 76w, 16h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

>>2552470 Dawn is a scenery-chewing villain who spends her time meditating on how evil she can be and how much more evil she'll be able to be in the future once she takes power. I'm not sure how anyone is supposed to like her? :unsuresweetie:

#47 · 76w, 15h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

>>2552683

I don't 'like' her but I do consider her a tragic figure, someone who is on a bad road but whose pride will not let them turn aside from it.

#48 · 76w, 15h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

While a little misinformed, I like the part that showed why Laurel was so ready to help her friend with high treason. Also, Celestia should have at least checked on Dawn after throwing her out like that, she should have known that she might have done some serious damage to her psyche. Personally, I hope both of the mane sixes manage to talk it out and have Celestia give Dawn and her friends reperations.

#49 · 76w, 14h ago · 3 · · Masks and Potions ·

Celestia probably made the correct decision...  I had thought that she could have simply taken Twilight on as a second student and kept personally instructing Dawn, but I can't see Dawn doing anything other than trying her best to impede Twilight's progress.  Better to sacrifice the bad apple than risk it spoiling the bunch.

I note that Dawn seems to have let her friends believe she was expelled altogether, and not just told to move into the dorms with the other students.  Did she throw away her education rather than swallow her pride and work hard as a regular student of Celestia's school?  One has to enjoy the irony of her patting herself on the back for rising from humble beginnings when the main flaw in her comes from being overly spoiled, and her dismissive belief that Twilight was handed everything by coming from a higher station in life when Twilight's flaws may involve working too hard entirely.

In truth, that complete inability to understand her would-be adversary's weaknesses likely doom her from the get go.

Some nice insight on Laurel's bitterness.  These ponies sure do like to project their dissatisfactions in life onto innocent targets, don't they?  Not a lot of soul-searching and personal accountability among that group.

#50 · 76w, 14h ago · · · Masks and Potions ·

I want to see Dawn and her friends wield the Elements correctly, but fail to get rid of Twilight. That way everypony learns something... especially Celestia.

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