Story Reviews » SA Reviews: Round 142 · 6:38pm Dec 15th, 2018
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Heartshine stared at the doorknob that sat on the door labelled ‘custodian’. Cyne had asked for her help in decorating the facility for Hearth’s Warming, and, in her enthusiasm to pitch in, Heartshine had forgotten one minor detail about the facility that occasionally made it difficult to get around the vast complex.
Doorknobs were not made for pony hooves. Or mouths, for that matter.
She knocked on the door, and paused a moment to consider how strange it seemed that the human word for ‘intern’s office’ was the same word ponies used for those who kept the halls clean. The sounds of shifting buckets, falling mops, and muffled cries of pain echoed from within before the door was rapidly jerked open. Intern stared out into the hallway, his mane expertly coiffed in what appeared to be a vivacious blend of ‘Caution - Void Contamination’ tape and toilet paper.
Rarity would have been appalled.
Intern looked back and forth down the hallway in confusion, until Heartshine coughed delicately, making him look down at her.
“Mr. Intern, I need your hooves.”
“My hooves? I don’t have hooves!”
“Argh, not your hooves. Your… um…” Heartshine lifted a wing and wiggled the feathers. “Your hoof thingies!”
“My hoof thingies!?” Intern cried, suddenly alarmed.
“Yes! The thingies that make those work!” Heartshine pointed a hoof at the doorknob. She took a deep breath. “Cynewulf wanted help decorating the lab and I really wanted to help cause Hearth’s Warming is so fun but then I realised I can’t open the doors cause all of the doorknobs are round and I can’t open them so can you help me please~?” she asked, trying to make her eyes as big as possible and adding a small squee in attempt to cajole Intern into helping her with her quest.
Intern stared down at the newest Angel. “Dang that’s cute. But… I have so many stories I need to review first…”
“Oh, I’ll help!” Heartshine offered. “Reviews for use of… uh…”
“Fingers. I’m pretty sure that’s the word you’re looking for.”
“Yes! Those!”
ROUND 142
Star Shine is quite a rare colt. In fact, some ponies believe him to be cursed, based on an old mares' tale. Detective Gumshoe doesn't believe a word of it, and if it's the last thing he does, he'll serve the city and the Princesses he loves by finding out what's really been terrorizing the neighborhood.
I sort of have a love-hate relationship with mystery stories. I love them because I like to act as an amature detective and try to put all the pieces together before the end. I hate them because I suck and always get it wrong.
Here we have a classic tale of a “who-done-it?”. Plenty of clues are given throughout, coloured by an overarching superstition surrounding albino ponies. The main character, Gumshoe, is given a case after the pony first assigned to it goes missing. He has to follow the leads and work his way through the list of suspects that range from an overbearing mom to a principal with a grudge.
Gumshoe himself is likable enough, with an eye for detail that speaks well of why he’s a detective in the first place. He’s a bit “Just the facts, Ma’am” for a good chunk of the story but comes alive when he’s finally putting things together. I particularly liked his resolution.
If you’re hankering for a mystery that reveals just enough with every scene to paint a larger picture, I can definitely recommend this one. Maybe you’ll even get it right, unlike me!
Well, that’s going to probably give me nightmares!
Intern, why did you do this!?
This story is noir fiction in the best sense, and manages to add a World of Darkness building horror element that is quite honestly divine. Horror isn’t my preferred genre to read, but I love mysteries, and combine that with a gumshoe detective thriller, and you’ve got an amazing story. Pascoite twists and weaves through the back alleys of Canterlot as deftly as his protagonist does through the social fencing required to be a good detective. Readers who love the investigative qualities and noir feel of 20s detective stories, and are still thrilled by gothic horror, this story shouldn’t be passed up!
STORY 2
Rapunzbelle, by Violet CLM
A plan has been made to tell the CMC traditional fairytales as bedtime stories, in order to improve their cultural sophistication. However, the tellers have been embellishing said fairytales to star themselves in central roles: Rarity as Cinderella, and so on. Now it is Fluttershy's turn... and she doesn't think she's up to the task.
The CMC agree with her there, but they have a plan to help her out, no matter how much unavoidable property damage occurs along the way.
Poor Fluttershy is one of those ponies that gets stuck with the most energetic and cute characters to contrast her more reserved and cute personality. Unfortunately for her, it’s comedy gold, so she gets stuck with the role a lot. Take it as a compliment, Fluttershy!
With this one, Fluttershy is given the simple task of telling a bedtime story to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It derails from there.
This is a shenanigans story through-and-through. Your enjoyment is going to be dependant on how much you love the CMC’s shtick of going overboard and dragging poor Fluttershy along by the tail extensions. I got a couple good chuckles out of this, mainly through the lense of seeing little kids trying to put on a grand play and forging on with the energy and determination that only little kids can summon.
If nothing else, the ending line will make it all worth it.
Remember the halcyon days of early season one and two where the CMCs were trying to find their cutie marks, but did so in such childish ways that it usually resulted in the consternation of everyone around them? This story captures that golden era perfectly. Watching Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle tackle the task of writing a fairytale for Fluttershy is amazing, if only because it’s really fun to watch them use childish logic to make any sort of sense for themselves. I think my favourite part about this story is watching the CMCs use words that they’re not really sure what they mean, but they sound cool, so they try to work it into the tale of Rapunzbelle.
Honestly this story reminded me of trying to do group projects as a kid, only to wind up with… something at the end. Usually overly coated in glitter, and nowhere near what the original thing was supposed to be. But it’s endearing in that regard, and really funny. And definitely worth a look.
STORY 3
Grey, by Foehn
Some say the world is black and white, others shades of grey.
The truth is, as always, somewhere in-between.
In which a precocious filly contemplates context.
Speaking of little kids and how they view the world, here we have a short tale that packs in a lot of meaning. This story is all about sensations; stuff like silence that shouldn’t exist, rain that never seems to cease, and the infuriating contrast of black on white.
This is a piece that leaves the readers to fill in some of the missing parts to form a full narrative. This isn’t a flaw, though. It’s a deliberate form of storytelling that lets you peer inside the mind of a child who hasn’t learned enough about the world to make sense of it. It’s very enlightening and also kinda sad.
That’s all you’re getting from me. Take a peek and see where this takes you.
So I always seem to pick pieces that have some sort of emotional depth to them. Go figure, I’m a therapist, but this one hit really close to home. Like in an oh goddesses oh goddesses make it stop close to home.
I don’t often see authors take a concept, run with it, and then leave me staring at the ceiling at the end of the story. I’m still not 100% sure that I’m right on my thoughts on the inspiration behind some of the core drama in the piece spoiler alert: it’s psychological, I absolutely loved every second I spent reading this story. Foehn manages to paint this gorgeous picture of a child struggling to understand several big changes at once, which, from a psychological perspective, is incredibly hard for children to do. Moving, attending a new school: these are huge, capital ‘T’ traumas for kids, and Foehn captures those feelings of confusion and loss beautifully.
There’s a lovely twist at the end that stuck with me for several days. Long enough that I ended up writing a blog post about struggling with something similar to what the unnamed (yet implied to be Octavia) protagonist is going through.
Twilight Sparkle decides to stop wearing a costume for Nightmare Night... and then discovers the perfect reason to keep doing it.
This one’s completely out of season, but screw it, it’s good!
You gotta feel for Twilight, sometimes. She has such good intentions behind most of her actions. She just wants to help educate ponies around her with all the fascinating figures from history. So what if she puts more time and care into her costumes than is strictly necessary? It’s accurate, damnit!
Unfortunately, Twilight’s efforts largely go unnoticed and she begins to wonder if the trouble is really worth it. Sad pone times ensure.
Until they don’t!
Yeah, I’m going to leave it right there. Imma tease.
Oof, another rough story in this bunch. I love it
I think we’ve all had moments where we do things that we love, only to have other people not appreciate them. That’s really what makes this story so wholly relatable. When people don’t care about or understand our hobbies and passions, it can leave us with this massive sense of loss and frustration.
Which is why it’s all the more powerful to have friends who are into the things that we enjoy. Twilight’s struggles and anxiety about creating the perfect costume, only to have no one understand it are painfully reminiscent of how I think a lot of folks feel about ponies in general. But Let’s Do This constructs a lovely story with a show-worthy Aesop at the end, and it’s definitely worth a look.
...Even if Intern picked a story that was a little out of season.
Heartshine set down a small box of candy on the table next to Intern’s bed. The infirmary staff had fixed him up nicely! Aside from the fact that they had made him look somewhat like a mummy.
“I’m really sorry about that, Intern! I didn’t think that the um, Hearth’s Warming decorations department would respond so… aggressively to you!”
Intern gave a muffled reply.
“It looks like they got all of the self-decorating garland off of you! Though you may have a couple of red marks for um… a while,” Heartshine continued, very gently patting Intern’s hand. She stopped quickly after a muffled cry of pain. “A-anyway! I just wanted to thank you for diving in front of the glitter bomb throwing Nutcrackers! That was very brave of you! And the doctors said one day you might even get the glitter out of your skin!”
She looked down at the box of candy. “I asked the nurses if I could bring you something so when you could eat again, you could have it! And the very nice man in the dark robes that sold it to me said the candy always perks him right up!”
Intern tried to look at the box, followed by a pained whimper as moving his head hurt.
Heartshine gave him a sympathetic look. “Well, um, hopefully the nanites the nurses injected into you start working soon. I hear they are very good at helping you heal! I-if they don’t go berserk and start trying to turn you into a robot. But the doctor said he’s sure that won’t happen this time!” she added hastily, before trotting out the door.
The box of candy on the bedside table wiggled ominously, and Intern wished he could scream.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Hey, thanks for the review! This is a really old story that I sat on for years before finally revising and publishing. It's never gotten much readership, but I guess that's the specialty here, finding stories that people might not have noticed or given a shot.
Could you do one of my stories. I only have nine followers and I just got here 3 months ago
4981644
Somewhere down the line, maybe! But you can't request your own stories. Someone else can though by using our forums.
4981647
But how do you get stories noone knows when they have to request them?
4981656
Friends and a little bit of luck.
Grey was great. :D And it's cool seeing one of Pascoite's older fics show up here!
Thanks for the review! It's one of the nicest things, to hear that things you've written resonate with other people. I'm not sure how people keep coming across that one, but I'm so very glad you enjoyed it :)
4981812
It was lovely. If a little painful. Having grown up struggling with selective mutism, there was a bit of a 2meirl4meirl moment I had with it, but to be honest I loved the story. It's a gorgeous painting of a child's difficult moment in time, and how she does her best to speak without words.
...oh, so not that Detective Gumshoe.
Sounds pretty awesome, though. I'll have to give it a shot.
Oh man, I love these into's and outro's on every round. Good story selection, too; looking forward to reading some of them.