It's my Birthday · 11:33pm Oct 18th, 2018
As I write this, I'm officially 24 years old. Not really happy about it. My little brother will turn 18 in a month.
This is a happy blog.
Here's a lollipop.
“So y'all gonna bleed to death just to prove a point, huh.”
“Hahah, what?” Pinkie gave AJ a drunk smile. “Nooo idea what you’re talking about!”
“Pinkie, you look like you’re tryin’ to traumatize the kids now, instead of doin’ it on accident. Give me the shears.”
“I’m not gonna! Hahah.” Pinkie had to hug the tree to avoid falling down. “Go celebrate your birthday! Take the day off! I got this covered.”
“Yeah. In blood.”
“Still counts!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “Shoo!”
Blood dripped down.
Little known fact about Equestrian apple trees: you need to cut off the odd branches now and then, 'cause that makes the apples taste better. Second little known fact: this was a long, arduous, dangerous job. Without the proper training, it was really easy to accidentally stab yourself and make a mess.
Applejack had been trained for this.
Pinkie Pie had not.
“It’s your birthday!” Pinkie was perched on the tree, waving the shears around and covered in massive amounts of blood. “Apple Bloom told me you have been too busy to play with her lately! Today is your chance!”
“Why are you advocatin’ for sisterhood while at death’s doorstep.”
“Because it’s now or never!” Pinkie wobbled again, and she had to hug the tree harder not to fall. “Whoa. Hahah. Oops.” Then she reached into her mane. “Gimme a moment!”
“Pinkie.”
“Back to you in a second!”
“Pinkie, Ah need you to understand this is the single most gruesome thing Ah’ve ever seen. And Ah’m friends with Rainbow Dash. And Twilight.” Pause. “And Rarity.”
“Ah-hah!” Pinkie produced a lollipop from her mane. She frowned. “Wait. These aren’t bandages.”
Pause.
“Eh. Same thing. Hey, Applejack! Do you think I can cover my wound with this?”
“No.”
“Taking that as a yes!”
And Pinkie put the lollipop on top of her wound.
It got stuck.
The blood mixed up with the caramel and they both started dripping down.
“Alright. Ah take it back. This is is the most gruesome thing Ah’ve ever—is that meltin’ the caramel? Pinkie, why’s your blood so hot?!”
“Because I’m speaking with passion!” Pinkie yelled. “Also everything is getting blurry now!”
“Is that wound infected? That wound’s infected, isn’t it.”
“Probably! I sure didn’t clean it before I accidentally stabbed myself. Hahah.” In any other pony, the half-witted smile that made it to Pinkie’s face would have been terrifying. This was Pinkie, though, so it looked average at best. “I’m probably going to die at this rate.”
“Yeah! You are! Get down already!”
“Only if you promise me you’re going to take the day off!”
“Pinkie, you’re dyin’!”
“Yeah! I am also making a point, though.” Pinkie reached into her mane again, took out a second lollipop, put it in her mouth. “I am not paying attention to your advice when you tell me I need to stop hurting myself, because I’m very hot-headed, and it is totally dumb. Right? Right?”
Another pause.
“See what I’m doing?”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Pinkie, Ah have a lot of work. Ah can’t help that.”
“But you can! You can ask for help! Or rest a little more often. We’ve been through this before! The trees are not going anywhere. We checked!”
“Pinkie—”
“Working is important! Working is super duper important.” Pinkie made a bloody sad face. “But it is not the only thing that matters, even if it feels like it. I’m not telling you to stop working, just like you’re not telling me to stop bleeding to death on top of this tree—”
“Ah’m absolutely one hundred percent tellin’ you that.”
“—but it is important to take care of the tiny things, too! Like your birthday.” Pinkie winked at AJ. “Or playing with your little sister while she’s still little.”
The blood and the caramel kept dripping down. The sound of the drops falling—ploc, ploc, ploc—was like the tick-tock of a clock.
Applejack sighed. “Ah guess Ah can afford a day off.”
“Woo-hoo” Pinkie grinned. “Birthday party! I’m so good at my—oh wow I’ve lost a lot of blood hahah.”
Pinkie fainted.
PLAF!
And fell off the tree.
“Well. That takes care of that.” Applejack grabbed Pinkie and put her on her back. “Guess Ah’ll get Apple Bloom once Ah’m sure you ain’t—wow, your blood is hot. It’s gonna be hard takin’ that lollipop out.”
Pinkie Pie didn’t reply. She was unconscious.
So Applejack shook her head. “That’s the problem with you, Pinkie. Even as a bleedin’ heart, y’all gotta be all sweet.” Then, she turned her head around a little, and kissed Pinkie’s forehead. “Thank you.”
And she trotted to the hospital, smile on her face, leaving behind a trail of sugar blood.
Winner of the Keep Pretending Write-off.
Based on Bleed, by Haze:
Happy birthday! Here's hoping you won't almost bleed to death to prove a point today.
Happy birthday! Try not to hurt yourself (unless that's your intention).
Little known fact: the world doesn't actually end until you hit 25. So happy birthday.
And get off my lawn.
Well. That was a lollipop and a half.
Happy birthday, and thanks for the gift
You have the same birthday as my uncle. He's way less cool than you.
Feliz cumpleaños señor!
I thought you were older lolYou never ease to make me laugh, mostly when someone is dying.Many happy returns.
Feliz cumpleaños a twhat the shit
Uh. ...Huh. So that was a thing, I just read.
...Well, happy birthday! :D
Happy Birthday. You're almost half my age.
4955082
And almost a quarter of me and Georg put together!
Happy birthday, or at least "what passes as happy for Aragon," which I think involves some sort of ponies and possibly blood (other creature's probably). Fracked if I know, it's too late at night to be coherent...
*tips helmet*
Happy Birthday and congrats on winning the write off!
Happy birthday. May your life going forward be filled with love, joy, and Pinkie Pie.
This seems appropriate.
You’re supposed to be the one getting gifts, not giving them! Hehe, loved that little story. Happy birthday, Aragon! Thank you for all your hard work on the wonderful stories you’ve given us.
Happy Birthday!
🎉🎉🎉🎉
Merry Birthiversary!
Congratulations, despite the best efforts of the universe (and yourself), you're still giving the universe (and yourself) what for.
(Seriously, I hope you have an amazingly good birthday week.)
Well-bloody-done!
'
.
_
Happy birthday~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I HOPE IT’S GREAT IN EVERY WAY
AND ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
#allthehomo
Bleedin' Love there, Pinks? Oh, you an' your obscure early 2000s references.
Also, Happy Birthday (to you and the song, apparently. What a happy coincidence.)
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Celebrate with all deserved decadence, and try not to die.
I mean, the internal body temperature of a human is pretty hot, I'd assume the same for Pinkie. Also, congrats, you're old.
hAPPY bIRTHDAY 👁👅👁🎉🎉
Happy Birthday, and I hope you're having a properly debauched celebration
Happy Birthday, Young 'Un... Keep enjoying being so young... as my fellow not-quite-old-yet folks, George and Applejinx noted, you have many more celebrations to enjoy ahead of you before you even need to think about the concept of old...
Happy birthday, kiddo ;)
I'm so confused by that writeoff fic.
4955095
He's doing it the hobbit way, I guess.
Happy birthday, even though it's coming late. I enjoyed your short story about Pinkie Pie bleeding to death.
Happy birthday (again)!
4955037
Point of order: in that case, the world actually ended in ... *checks notes* late 2001, and we've all been in Hell since then.
...
. . .
... actually, that sounds about right.
4956168 That specific age year has a 1 in it for me, too, so using your data I'll take the liberty and agree with everything you said. Somehow I feel younger already.