Story Reviews » SA Round 133 · 1:06pm Jul 29th, 2018
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
The sound of Intern’s dragging feet echoed in the empty hallways of the Seattle’s Angels campus. Why PaulAsaran asked for his office to be in the most remote part of the compound was anyone’s guess. After nearly an hour of scouring rooms, he finally came upon one that looked promising, if only because of the glow under the door. He would finally get the help he needed. Reviewing for SA two sessions in a row was nothing short of brutal, but Red had been positive Paul could back him up.
Intern could only stare, dumbstruck. Paul sat in a swiveling office chair facing seven different screens. Two were slowly scrolling through stories, two were being used to write reviews (simultaneously!), another two were being used to write stories (also simultaneously!), and one had a game of Civilization VI running. Massive servers hummed with all the cacophony of a thunderstorm, their cooling systems emitting constant streams of fog.
Paul glanced at the gaping Intern, hands not pausing in their blurry motions. “Oh, hey, Intern. What’s up?”
Intern raised his hand, lowered it, raised it again in a feeble wave. “Needed help. Doing reviews?”
“Oh, is that all?” Paul swiveled to him with a grin. “Sure! This is a break week so I’ve got—” He raised a finger, turned his head. “Montezuma, if you take that city I will be very cross with you.” His other hand was still furiously typing away at a keyboard. He turned back to Intern with a grin. “Yeah. Break week. I’ve got time. Let’s do this!”
ROUND 133
STORY 1
Not Everything, by Gaiascope
A young Colt falls in love with an instrument and goes to the big city to live from his music, there he meets Lyra Heartstrings, who drags him into the world of an ambitious amateur orchestra.
This story is at times delightful and at others tragic. Starring a homeless cello player known only as Colt (he doesn’t like sharing his name), it depicts his entrance into the Canterlot musical scene. To be more specific, he joins a junior orchestra along with a ragtag band of OCs and one Lyra Heartstrings, the latter of whom he falls hopelessly in love with practically on first sight. Colt’s love is a powerful thing, but also an unnoticed one. It is a driving force and a call to action. It leads to great joy and a life that seems worth living, but also to pain and depression and defeat.
While I don’t approve of the expositiony transition near the end, I was otherwise enthralled by this story. It’s hard, realistic, and refuses to pander to our common storytelling whims. It’s a demonstration of how, sometimes, love doesn’t conquer all. Being frank, I think that’s an important lesson to teach. And yet it somehow manages to stay bittersweet at the end as two ponies connect with one another and find a way to avoid that worst possible outcome.
Assuming you’re okay with reading a story about love and its realities, I can think of no reason not to take this one on. The fact that it is so completely unknown is disturbing and needs to be corrected.
Oof. Just when I think my cold iron heart can’t be moved by anymore words put on screen, a fic like this one comes along and socks me in the gut. This story is the sliciest of life, the most ripest slice that you can find. And now I’m going to stop this metaphor before I completely run off the rails.
Our tale begins with a colt that finds the simple pleasure of playing a cello on the streets of Canterlot utterly life fulfilling. He needs nothing else other than a spot to play his emotional and soulful music and a park bench to sleep on at night. Then he has a chance encounter with another pony whose special talent is also music and the two join up with an amature orchestra. From there, things get real.
Throughout this story, I couldn’t help notice that the themes the author is working with here are the stuff everyone goes through in their life. The need to find oneself, working with others, reaching success, putting up a mask to appease those around you, and dealing with disappointment. It’s all here and our little pony has to deal with all of it. Even with the setting of Canterlot, where literal divine intervention can strike at any moment, the colt has to face the harsh reality of life.
Yowsa, getting kinda heavy here. But really, this story is great and definitely worth your time. The characters, mostly original, are all fleshed out in a way that makes them relatable. I had a fun time reading this and encourage you to do the same.
STORY 2
Heavy Rock, by CoffeeMinion
Limestone Pie: a 20-year-old homeschool graduate who can't imagine life outside of working her father's quarry.
Flash Sentry: an 18-year-old senior at Canterlot High with no bloody clue what he wants to do in life.
On the surface, these two seem like an unlikely pairing. But when a chance encounter over heavy music pulls them into an unexpected love triangle, the pair find a spark of attraction that rocks.
As a shipper, one of my little pleasures is seeing two uncommon characters shipped well. With this, the first (and so far only, but I’m working on that) CoffeeMinion story I’ve read, we get an awesome pairing: Limestone Pie and Flash Sentry. Yes, yes, I can already hear the boos and am bracing to dodge the vegetables thrown because nobody seems to like poor Brad. In the neigh-sayers’ defense, he was pretty crummy on introduction, and the show does like to poke fun at him.
But this story makes it work. One of the advantages of a character like Flash for fanfiction is that his blank slate personality allows writers to take him in a great many directions. In this case, he’s a down-on-his-luck heavy metal rocker who becomes infatuated with Limestone when she crashes one of his solo acts to belt out lyrics written by her sister Maud. And then we get to Limestone herself, homeschooled and lifetime rock farmer who hides her insecurities behind a dense wall of abrasiveness and tsundere (have I mentioned I’ve got a thing for tsundere?). Both are facing uncertain futures: Flash with no idea where he wants to go with his life and Limestone worried her entire existence will be defined by the farm.
CoffeeMinion does an incredible job bringing these two together. It’s a love triangle, it’s a homage to classic heavy metal, it’s a coming-of-age story. It is the best kind of romance in that it isn’t really about the romance: it’s about two individuals discovering a new direction in life that just so happens to feature them together. Throw in great moments with the entire Pie Clan and the occasional well-utilized Sunset Shimmer cameo and you’ve got a story brimming with character alongside the meaning. Seriously, folks, it’s hard to go wrong with this one.
I’m pretty picky when it comes to picking out romance stories. They either have to play around with the usual tropes to keep my attention or be so utterly off the walls that I just have to know where it’s all going. This one falls into the former, where some of the usual pitfalls of romance (in a high school setting, no less) are mostly sidestepped. It’s refreshing is where I’m getting at.
Also a big plus is that we get a pairing that I’ve yet to see attempted. Limestone Pie, the gravel bitch, meets Flash Sentry, the cool high school rocker. A surprising amount of chemistry results between these two and it was fascinating to read how the author managed to get them to interact in ways that could potentially lead to a lasting relationship. Throw in a monkey wrench in the form of crush struck Maud Pie and we’ve got an interesting setup.
Like I said, there are still some cliches that slip in here but most are handled very well and the stuff that normally makes me roll my eyes either didn’t happen or were dealt with in a unique way. Plus, the whole Pie family gets some wonderful scenes that are both surprising and heartfelt.
If you’ve been looking for a Limestone Pie story, check this one out. With only one episode and some change of characterization behind her, she gets some good development. And if you’re tired of the Flash Sentry/Sci-Twi matchup, look into this for a different take on his girl preferences. Seriously, reading this made it easier to accept why he put up with Sunset Shimmer during her spiteful phase.
When Fluttershy was young, some of the only kindness she received was from the ground. She wondered if she belonged there.
And if it would be nicer to be a tree.
Being a timid pony is a frightening experience. Fluttershy knows this better than anypony. In this story, which I have recommended numerous times before, we are engulfed in a wave of melancholic vision. It is about the filly Fluttershy who fell in love with the earth, but who has yet to find any peace within herself. Touching upon elements of depression and possibly thoughts of suicide (it depends on your interpretation), it is an atmospheric feast of the senses.
The story does demand an appreciation for gloominess, but if you’re okay with that then there’s no reason not to read this. Personally, I consider it one of OfTheIronwilled’s best works. As much a character study as it is a look into depression, Where All My Layers Can Become Reeds is a lovely bit of sadfic that I am more than happy to recommend again.
And yet no matter how many times it gets featured across FIMFiction, it somehow still fails to reach even 400 views. For shame.
Now to move on to some shorter stories to round out the longer ones above. This one focuses on Fluttershy and her fascination of everything on the ground. This takes place shortly after the first Rainboom so everypony in her life is dealing with the fact she prefers the land rather than the sky. And it’s taking its toll on her.
This takes that “Fluttershy wants to be a tree” concept from the first season and plays it out to the fullest. We get some good characterization out of her and her thought process as she’s dealing with all the newest discoveries that the earth contains. We also get a glimpse of how other characters react to all of this.
I can’t say too much more or I risk revealing the whole thing. Go take a look and see if being a tree is right for you too.
STORY 4
The Clown Sentry, by R5h
The most important thing to Night Light is protecting his daughter. She's so smart, and learning so much, but there's dangers that no child can understand.
But tonight's not about that. Tonight is just a bedtime story.
All together, now: 3… 2… 1…
D’aaaaawwww…
When Twilight catches Night Light moving through her room with a bucket of paint, she of course wants to know why. And so Night Light tells his superintelligent filly the story of Night Glow the Clown, who protected the colt Starswirl from evil nobles who wanted to kidnap him. What we end up with is a story that is one part cute and one part… I’m not sure. I mean, if they can be scared off by a tub of paint...
My confusion aside, it's nice to see Night Light being the protective father, and even nicer to see Filly Twilight having a good time. And let’s face it, it’s hard to say no to Filly Twilight. This was a cute little story that is more than worth the lost ten minutes it takes to read.
Closing out the round, we have a story that seems simple at first, but leads to some concerning implications towards the end. I’m right at the edge of spoilers here, so I need to tread lightly.
In this one, Night Light tells little Twilight a bedtime story of how a young Starswirl (too young for the beard) befriends a clown sent to make all his days full of laughter. It’s a sweet story and filly Twilight is full on adorbs throughout. We get some nice father daughter bonding and a conclusion that leaves some room for interpretation.
That’s all I can say! Read on and find out just how a clown sentry works.
“You alive, buddy?” Paul poked Intern’s shoulder.
Leaning precariously from the contact, Intern turned his face away from the wall of screens flashing text, data, wordcounts and, in one case, a pixelated Gandhi threatening to nuke Paul’s Civ into oblivion. “How do you do it? Did you sell your soul or something?”
“Oh, nothing so drastic as that.” Paul paused to think, brow furrowing in uncertainty. “Although there was that one contract I had to sign with blood. But I faked it and used the blood of a chicken we were gonna cook anyway, so that doesn’t count. I think. Maybe. Probably.” He raised a stack of papers between them. “So, you want me to deliver these?”
“No. I got it.” Intern took the reviews and staggered out the door, back into a world of normalcy. He considered, for a fleeting moment, the possibility that he’d just discovered a new personal goal. Then he kicked that idea into the deepest, darkest depths of his mind, never to be approached again. There were standards, and then there was crazy. Intern did not consider himself crazy.
Dude, you work for SA. It’s only a matter of time. Plus, Paul’s not been here as long as you.
“Get out of my head, Ferret!”
Intern stopped, looked around. Not a soul in sight.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Woo! Thanks for the feature! That's an important story to me: it marks the point when I returned to writing ponyfic in earnest, and it means a lot to me that you'd think so highly of it!
Also, Heavy Rock is a great fic, so thanks for giving that more exposure.
Isnt Flash drastically more liked now than when he was introduced ?
Good to see Heavy Rock here, we need so much more Limestone Pie, and that one is one of the best!
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I’m not so sure that he’s liked per se, but he isn’t the subject of everyone’s hate anymore.
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Apathy comes to mind...
Thanks for the feature, guys! Though Mr. Paul sir, you did in fact review another one of my stories... perhaps not coincidentally featuring Limestone as well?
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You guys rock.