Who should be nuked in a pineapple under the sea? · 3:11pm Nov 28th, 2017
Thanksgiving is a day of pain.
Family plays a part in that. You're going to see that one relative whom you only see once a year, and then you're going to be reminded of why. For those who watch American football, be assured that no matter what happens, the NFL stands ready to serve you a trio of turkeys, and you'd better be ready to choke them all down. And the actual meal? Is constructed of foodstuffs which you also generally have once a year and you're about to be reminded of the why on that. It's reached the point where I briefly considered a small holiday piece, in which Roseluck explains that Homecoming was created as a conspiracy by Equestria's yam farmers, just to make sure there was a single time of year when ponies had to eat them.
But there's also the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
It consists of no more than 70% high school marching bands and is broadcast every year, across the country, without mercy.
Yes, there are balloons. That's nice. It's already been a year for gasbags, thank you. And there are floats, none of which offer the comfort of being root beer. Plus the local Broadway shows will use the time for promotion by constructing rolling stages and sending out a traveling revue. Happens pretty much every time.
And that is how the majority of America learned about this.
There will now be a brief pause while we mourn all of those who, rather than watch the entire dance number, just took their own lives.
Also, would someone please clear away the bodies?
Thank you.
I missed this. I don't watch the parade, because high school marching bands. But I saw Spongebob trending on Twitter and -- well, my first thought was that the series had finally been canceled, with Nickelodeon pulling a FCC by trying to bury the news on a holiday. And of course, I was horribly wrong. Then I decided to see what was producing all that screaming and in doing so, wound up being even more horribly wrong. But because you generally don't become any degree of writer unless you're at least a little into self-torture, I took it a little further.
The actual musical is only in preview shows right now: working out the last kinks in front of what, by intermission, won't be a live audience any more. The true curtain goes up on December 4th, after which an understanding deity would bring down the last one on all of us because we've gone too far.
However, the complete original cast recording is available on YouTube right now.
And I listened.
After the first song, I wanted to die.
After the second number, I wanted to take a few other people with me first.
By the time the third wrapped up, I was searching for blueprints of the theater and plotting out the best possible sniper perches.
The fourth upgraded this to explosives, because headshots don't work on things without brains.
Five had me checking eBay for slightly used uranium.
Listen to the voices. It's not new efforts paying a tribute to the original while putting a fresh spin on the characters. It's not any real attempt at imitation. It's just noise.
Listen to the lyrics. For me, the show has already been fairly hit-or-miss with its musical numbers: they work or they don't, and when they don't reach the target, they tend to land somewhere in the vicinity of the sewer. But I haven't heard a single effort in this grouping which can reach the level of the worst song which the series ever animated. Wordplay breaks into component syllables as it kicks itself against the eardrums. 'Get the fish out' may have its very own fatality count.
Go back to the parade footage. Think about what was done with costuming on The Lion King's Broadway production. How they worked so hard to invoke the feel of something new. This is clothing and hair tints.
They didn't even try to square off his pants.
Spongebob Squarepants is not among my top ten animated series. There have been moments when it's truly shined: eleven-minute expressions of brilliance. There's also been seasonal rot to a degree where the roots almost completely evaporated, character exaggeration to the point where I only rooted for Mr. Krabs to go bankrupt, preferably by paying for his failed defense during the murder trial because Patrick had to die. There's been a degree of recovery since, but... well, you may have heard the legends: every time Nickelodeon extends the show, another original series dies. As long as they think there's one more penny left, they'll extract it with bamboo shards.
You could blame the Lion King for a lot of things, source material theft included. But it also solidified a trend: things can make transitions. A lot of effort and something can come to Broadway. Magic is transferable, and might even develop a new enchantment along the way.
Then it was somewhat less effort.
Maybe a little effort.
And now we have this.
"Mommy, take me! Daddy, I want an orchestra seat!" The stage equivalent of Hijinks On Ice: we're going to get you in there, we're going to torture you, and you're still going to buy merchandise on the way out because you love your children and if there's cash in your hands, then you're not holding a weapon, are you?
This is a cash grab. Nothing more. Mr. Imitation Krabs just about has a song where he explains this directly to the audience, which will consist more of those who had to go than wanted to. But who cares? It all spends the same...
As a series, Spongebob was never in my top ten.
As a franchise, this moves it into the bottom.
Are you thinking about the possibilities of an MLP Broadway production now?
Don't think about that.
Dread.
Incidentally, there was already someone in the Discord chat trying to find support for his fanfic stage production.
Spongebob Squarepants on Ice!
Seriously, though. Some of the times Spongebob was a genius!
"SPONGEBOB!..."
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"...get this TURKEY off my head!"
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Oddly, this is as close as you might get.
The chainsaw is therapeutic.
I'm too afraid to look at any of those links...
Wasn't David Hasselhoff in the movie a couple of years ago?
Is he looking to bring his German singing fame to Broadway?
(Russel Crowe in Les Mis is not so bad by comparison...)
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You will click on the links.
You will click on the links.
You will click on the links.
You will not pretend I meant golf links.
You will also pet a kitten.
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And then there was that episode when Mr. Krabs tried to drive Plankton into committing suicide.
The show has had moments of brilliance. The show has also had moments which should have been set on fire.
As a non-American I've always known Christmas to be that horrible once-a-year meetup with family we'd rather avoid.
Seems like you Americans suffer twice.
My condolences from Down Under.
And I've never been a real fan of Sponge Bob either.
My God, if i had been watching the parade (which I probably would have if I wasn't spending the holiday in Iceland) I probably would have turned it off right there.
Yeah. Total cash grab. I hate it when franchises are milked for all they're worth.
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Hmm, while in Poland we meet our families twice a year too, the other time is Easter, so there's a reasonable break between them. Thanksgiving+Christmas sounds like an awful combo (even more so if someone's Jewish, because Hanukkah seems to always be earlier than Christmas).
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Depending on where the hospital is within the States, emergency room visits will see a spike of 5-12% around Thanksgiving. Part of this is because certain opportunities for injury have just presented themselves: so much cooking means more chances to burn yourself, poorly-prepared meals lead to food poisoning, and the backyard touch football game just went to tackle. Plus there's 'I've never carved a turkey before' added to 'Look at this really sharp knife I just picked up!' Fun for all.
But at least some of the rest comes from the fact that you're assembling families in a small area. People who haven't spoken to each other for a while, didn't really want to, and are only assembling because it's Thanksgiving and maybe things will be different this time. They won't be,
The bruises typically start healing just in time for Christmas.
Ironic Spongebob is spreading its disease onto Broadway the same time the new Lion King musical for 2019 was announced.
I used to love the show but after the first movie most of the original show staff plus Hillenburg moved on, and it got shitty.
4736737 Some of the most terrifying/funny/sad videos are found with the search terms 'Turkey deep fat fryer' Shatner did a PSA for State Farm on them once. Classic.
Good Lord, that series still hasn't ended? Between SpongeBob and the Simpsons, you'd think yellow protagonists guaranteed immortality.
(Hmm. Now I wonder how Fluttershy might factor into that trend.)
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Nickelodeon: Turning Five-Season Shows Into Eighteen-Year Torture Devices Since 1999.
(Also Turning Our Best Original Efforts Into Empty Airtime For More Spongebob, But Don't Tell Anyone)
For Spongebob, I find a good way to tell which season you're in is to, while watching an episode, identify exactly how many characters you currently want to slowly murder with your bare hands. The higher the body count or more excruciating the demise, the further down the run you are. This will work with just about any episode, with the exception of a Patrick one. I think most people started wanting Patrick dead around S2.
And the amazing thing? What's been done to that show may not even be as horrific as what the network is still trying with Fairly Oddparents, which has turned into the patient in the Intensive Care ward who's lost all nearly all of his senses, is missing ninety percent of his brain, has to be force-fed, regularly fouls himself, operates on a Quality Of Life rating of 0, can feel nothing but pain, and is still being kept alive by a team of stonefaced doctors while those who loved him pound on the unbreakable soundproof glass blocking off the ward and hopelessly scream "CAN'T YOU SEE HE WANTS TO DIE?"
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Dude, that is supremely lousy. I loved FOP too back in the day. What is it with Nick ruining all their classic programming? That makes me mad honestly. Just let the show end so that it can do what it was made to do and not overstay its welcome.
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I still can't decide if he's now speaking with that pattern because everyone expects him to, or if he's just reached the point where he realizes every script will have him mocking himself and as long as the check clears, he's okay with that.
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Do you want to write that, or should I? Because I can have that up in a few hours, with due credit. It's your call.
As for The Simpsons, I suspect you can start a very quick war on any fansite by asking exactly when the show should have ended -- but you might have a hard time finding anyone who believes it's currently in its prime.
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If that gave you an idea, by all means, go ahead.
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You'll be sorrrrrry...
(When I credit you with the original concept, you may be sorrier.)
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The current FOP producers seem to have found a complete compilation of every change which makes a series jump the shark.
And they're treating it as a checklist.
To my mind, Sponge Bob was like Family Guy. A ton of crap, but they had their moments. Last several years, the crap's gotten worse & the moments fewer & farther between until I just stop watching. (This is from Family Guy. Totally irrelevant but IMO, it's funny)
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=the+freaking+fcc+family+guy&&view=detail&mid=8C20D3A265E6DFF8C7FC8C20D3A265E6DFF8C7FC&FORM=VRDGAR
ICR who said "Every writer, if they write long enough starts writing like a bad parody of themselves" (IIRC) IMO, it won't be a cancellation, it will be a mercy killing. Networks tend to leave shows on until they've milked it dry & that's a shame
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is really just for kids. Grownups tend to agree with Jimmy Fallon's burn
"A 5 hour traffic jam set to music"
"5 hours of listening to high school marching bands rehearse"
Still, the parade has been around for going on a century. It has been a tiny part of "What Makes Us Americans". (Yes, for grownups it's an annoying part. Yes, it's been, IDK, 45-50 years since I watched it, but still). When Macy's goes bankrupt, it's disappearance will leave us culturally poorer -and IMO we Americans don't have enough culture that we can spare any
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Oh, honey...
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I just came up with the worst chapter title of my life.
It Could Happen To Hue.
Jokes on you. Spongebob and his entire society is the result of nuclear tests done at sea. Confirmed.
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...
Danny Phantom and Jimmy Neutron are still safe though, right?
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I didn't want to see that picture.
I find Spongebob to be tolerable. It is nothing more than "on-while-cleaning-the-room" viewing but it does, at least, have the advantage of having so many episodes that at least the number of endless random repeats (because UK children's channels are crap like that[1]) are more spread out.
Incidently, I find the oldest episodes of Spongebob to be the least tolerable and I prefer the modern animation style to the original.
In other heresy news, I still love TTG.
[1]You people in America may bemoan the loss of Toonami, but consider yourself lucky; for exactly one summer, for a month or two, we had somethng close to sort of parity to that, and that's all we ever got. Before it was back to the "show about five episodes of a show, repeat ad infinitum until next holiday, where next five will be shown at a completely different and awkward time etc and after the initial run, the episodes are to be shown in random order ever after, including showing the first part of a 11 minute double episode and not showing the second part etc."
Imagine how impossible is it to watch, say, Ninjago or Steven Universe or something under those conditions (let alone what it would have been like to try and watch Young Justice).
There is a reason I watch NOTHING of any weight on children's telly channels, I am forced to either buy the DVD after a long wait (Avatar) or find somewhere to watch it online (MLP).
I must be really lucky. My family's
a bunch of wackodoo smartassespleasant and the holidays arewhat you would expect of wackodoo smartassespleasant and the food's very often awesome (my mom and grandma really know how to cook), and no one has to be subjected to Spongebob.I listened to the song for approximately ten seconds before agreeing with you that, yes, I need to die now.
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I think the issue with the Simpsons is a lot like what
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said. It was on a downward slide for a while but there were still the occasional good episodes or moments that kept coming back and where everyone sets the bar for "how much is not enough" will vary according to personal preference, nostalgia and commitment.
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By all accounts the Hey Arnold! Jungle movie was pretty good. Haven't seen it yet, but I bought it on google play already.
So, I’ve done some research and am currently halfway through the soundtrack. It apparently got great reviews on back in Chicago. The soundtrack includes credits from Panic! At the Disco, Plain White T’s, Johnathon Coulton, and far too much talent.
...
...
...
I actually kind’ve enjoy it. Like, not even ironically. According to TV Tropes, it even attempts to treat each character as their early season personalities.
So, just ignore the Parade performance and listen to the actual sound track. Like, way to darn good.
EDIT: After having finished the soundtrack. It’s good. By Celestia it’s actually good. Very Poppy, but actually good and varied.
I never thought I’d say this, but I’d buy a ticket if I could. I would watch Spongebob Squarepants on Broadway.
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Yeah, I've heard good things about that movie too. At least there's that going for them.
"No, no, no, it's gonna end...by page four!"
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Simpsons have more of darker yellow(closer to orange) hue than Spongebob.
Meanwhile, a boy with white hair in Michigan is quietly muttering "Dang it."