Story Reviews » SA Reviews #111 · 3:31pm Sep 9th, 2017
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
“You do the honors.” Ferret’s eyes glittered in the darkness of the ancient laboratory. The ancient portal glowed with unholy violet energy, illuminating only the barest hints of her figure and the shaking person beside her.
“Me?” Chris protested, stepping back from the portal and glancing at the giant hourglass festooned with twinkling geodes, flashing bulbs and enough copper wire to build a Faraday cage. “I’m not touching that thing! It looks like something Lovecraft and Jules Verne made on a bet! A very drunk bet!”
Her fangs glittered in the shining lines of the bizarre contraption. A brilliant flare of amber and lavender ignited in each bulb of the insane hourglass. They cast Ferret’s face into stark relief for just a moment. Chris found himself grateful it had only been a moment. That piercing stare would haunt him for weeks to come.
He gulped and reached forward, grasping the enormous electrical switch mounted on the side of the oversized timepiece. Far above them, the tesla coils sparked and fizzed, spitting sparks down on the portal, the hourglass and the miles of conduit lining the floor.
Chris hesitated.
“Either throw the switch, or you do it all alone.”
He threw the switch.
Energy exploded downward from the coils, slamming into copper receptors above the hourglass. A field of pure power ignited around the timepiece. The lights went mad as Ferret’s smile grew. Then the power surged forward, through the conduits and crashed into the portal. There was a brilliant burst of light and sound… accompanied by some very dramatic sounding music.
The force of the blast left Chris gasping against the back wall. Ferret hadn’t moved an inch. Now, half-tangled in the smoking conduits, a dazed-looking guy stared up at the two of them in shock. The newcomer’s sneakers had left twin trails of fire across the floor.
“Novel Idea, right?” Ferret asked, her voice terrifyingly cheerful.
The newcomer nodded warily, his eyes enormous. He adjusted his glasses.
“Ah, good. That means…”
The swirling portal spat out four books. Two hit in Novel in the chest. The other two sent Chris spinning to the floor with a groan.
“Right on time. Chris, show the newbie the ropes.”
With that, she marched out with a rather self-satisfied smirk on her face.
“What… just happened?” Novel’s eyes flitted between Chris and the books in his lap.
“You’ve been drafted,” Chris muttered as he stumbled to his feet. “Grab the books and let’s go. If you’re lucky, she might even let you get back to the future if you finish on time.”
“Finish what?”
“What else?” Chris’s eyes darted to the door and he shivered. “Reviews.”
ROUND 105
STORY 1
Summer Island, by Bachiavellian
Scootaloo is the captain of her own airship who's seen just about everything. Sweetie Belle is a rising pop star who thinks she's seen enough. And she most certainly does not believe in seaponies. Together, the two set sail to the distant Summer Island so Scootaloo can show her friend the truth.
Do you love airships? Because I don’t. No, seriously, what is it with kids and airships these days? Is it one of those “steampunk” things? There’s a reason real-life airships are consigned to Nazi transport and football coverage: it’s because only the most evil-yet-idiotic organizations in the world would look at a giant bag of gas that you cling to the underside of while hoping the hand of God doesn’t reach out and pop it with a comically oversized needle, and think to themselves, “Yes, this is an obviously superior mode of transport.”
And yet, despite my cynicism and grumpiness, Bachiavellian won me over with his lovingly detailed descriptions of the Selena. This is an author who knows his avio-nautical stuff, and the ship comes alive in the vivid, easy-to-follow descriptions which run through Summer Island like girders.
And the emotional journey which those girders support is no less impressive. What starts out as a simple-seeming seapony-seeing trip soon reveals more about Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle than either of them, perhaps, realized about themselves. They’ve aged in this story, and while they’ve both met with some success in life, this fic teases at the scars that haunt them—some of which are obvious, and others that go almost unstated. Sweetie’s skepticism becomes a proxy for a deeper, more poignant struggle, and gives a simple-out-the-gates story a surprisingly but satisfyingly weighty resolution.
And that’s all without getting into the intense storm sequence, or the particulars of seapony fact and lore which the story lays out, or any of the other dozens of smaller touches which collectively elevate this fic above “Scoot and Sweetie in an airship.” Even if you’re like me and don’t have your fancy tickled by the premise alone, give this a look; it might not change your ambivalence toward the Goodyear Blimp, but it’s a darn fine read on its own merits.
Well, this individual right here happens to be an enormous fan of airships. They’re a brilliant part of the techno-fantasy motif—yes, steampunk is a large part of that—but they’re also just plain ol’ cool. There’s something epic about the mental picture of an immense airship descending through the clouds on bands of magic, turbines of steel or puffs of steam.
So, it’s little surprise that I adore this story. However, it is a surprise that it’s not just because of how freaking awesome the Selena is (and trust me, this ship is awesome. Scootaloo loves her ship. In fact, the Selena is almost as much of a character as best CMC and cutest CMC). The real drivers were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. I love stories that take characters we know and love then age them up a bit, be it ten years, fifty years or a hundred. When an author nails their personality, world-view and diction factoring in that age, it’s a magical thing. It’s even more magical here, with the sheer level of honest communication, emotionally-rushed misunderstandings and just a hint of tender romance to make this twirl into a rather powerful ending.
It’s a classic coming-of-age story, only done after the traditional coming-of-age period. It’s about discovering who you are when the veneer has worn off the life you thought you wanted. It’s about finding joy in the core of what set you down that road of life at the beginning. A reminder that the question “Who are you?” isn’t a question that can be answered at only one point in your life, but often must be redefined over the course of life’s grand tapestry.
It’s also about seaponies, some incredibly colorful islanders, pocket dimensions and an incredibly cool airship.
This story is made up of a thousand small delicate brush strokes. Each one was handled delicately, with intense care and loving attention to detail, resulting in a masterpiece adventure/slice-of-life tale that’ll leave you smiling long after you’ve stepped away from your computer.
STORY 2
I Have a Hat, by BillyColt
Upstart is excited. His mother has hired a unicorn for a party. It will be so delightful to see a unicorn performing magic. It's sure to be fun for the whole household!
Of course, it's just a little fun. She's not really a unicorn. After all, unicorns don't exist.
This is the kind of story that, at first blush, looks like it has nothing to do with MLP except for the fact that the main characters have hooves instead of hands… but that proves to be anything but the case. A second glance offers a thoughtful bit of commentary on the role of magic in our lives, and the story’s Equestrian setting turns out to be a necessary lens through which to see our own human mythologies.
The reason it matters that this fic is set in Equestria and not Generic Fantasy World #36773 is that the reader knows—isn’t just told by authorial fiat, but knows from having seen it firsthand—that Equestria is a world where magic was real once, and so can be real again. Moreover, the interrelationship between magic and friendship deftly informs the family’s behavior, inviting one to compare their behavior with the FiM crew’s. Almost on the sly, I Have a Hat asks us what was lost besides party tricks, and the fact that the story is set in the same world where Twilight and co. once wrote their friendship lessons is a crucial part of that question.
The mix of 1800s-ish setting and moors with a somewhat more modern writing style gives the piece an appropriately uncertain, ethereal air, and helps heighten the contrast between the troupe and Letterhead. There's a noble tragedy that suffuses the entire story, even as its surface content remains light and slice-of-life. In all, this was a lovely piece of writing, and one that I found my appreciation for increasing the farther I read.
I wasn’t sure what to expect with this… and whatever I expected, it wasn’t this. This is one of those stories that’s going to stick with you and make you wonder, questioning what you witnessed, what it meant and how far it all goes for quite a while to come.
Set in a world where the very magic of the world has faded from living memory, it’s the story of the wonder of a child wanting so desperately to believe in miracles once more. Our lead character is persistently ridiculed, mocked and scoffed at for his desire to see magic once more. It’s rather beautiful, when all is said and done. Enchantra had a wonderful mystery about her the entire time, though I admit I wanted to box Letterhead’s ears on numerous occasions.
In the end, the story is about that belief and hope are powerful forms of magic… kinds that cannot be so easily quashed.
The following journal is the unofficial report detailing the military operation MCS3E0102, opened to the public at the discretion of Her Royal Council of Protection and Her Royal Council of Information. Sensitive information has been omitted in order to protect the Crystal Empire and her citizens.
Issued by Senior Librarian Agatha, approved by Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, on fourth day of February in the year of 1204.
Property of the Crystal Empire Library and Crystal Empire Archives. Return immediately if found.
Make no mistake; there’s a lot going on in this story. It falls most firmly toward the adventure side of things, but TheMessenger manages the tricky job of balancing survival narrative, psychological drama, romance, and even some humor, all in a single novella-sized package. This is a story which has, almost literally, something for everyone… and yet, it never feels like it’s spreading itself too thinly over the ground it does cover.
But the mystery element is also huge, right up to and through the end. There are a lot questions that readers will be asking themselves as they go along, and the author seems to love answering those questions with yet more questions. Not just minor matters of intent or the like, but even stuff like “Who is this pony, really? And is she at any time a different pony? Or ponies?” As you can see, there are some layers here, not all of them changeling-induced. Throw in the inherent tension of a mission that should never have happened, which goes far longer than it should, and you get tension you could cut with a knife.
The structural conceit—that this is the "unofficial," narrative-style report of a Crystal Empire military expedition—is used to great effect, and hits the sweet spot between underutilizing the premise and annoying the reader with too many <REDACTED>s. The character drama built well for the first eight chapters, and as I neared the end I was worried because there was so much that still needed to be resolved... but the last chapter and epilogue were an absolute roller-coaster, and gave me that perfect, delicious balance of tragedy, hope, and questions both answered and open.
A brilliantly crafted piece that combines the vibe of a military after-action report with a personal journal, Property of the Crystal Empire will take you on one hell of an adventure. This framework allowed the author to do amazing things, from inventory reports, to military citations and even an entire “expunged” chapter ‘accidentally’ left in the document. It’s played out so the “EXPUNGED” sections never get too tedious, instead adding an extra dash of mystery and intrigue to the ongoing narrative.
The last thing I expected in something like this is an effective romance, but it’s there and it’s pretty dang good. This is done even better by using the journal format to have another pony add the occasional comment, giving a further depth to the story I never saw coming. I thoroughly enjoyed this aspect of the story and while painful, the epilogue does give us some closure on the subject. There’s also a tiny glimmer of hope, but it’s only there if you decide it’s there. Sue me, I’m a hopeless romantic.
More than anything… it feels real. It feels like a mission gone totally FUBAR in so many different ways. The story may appear somewhat disjointed in places, but the simple fact of the matter is this is an extremely intense situation with no easy solutions. Mistakes are made on numerous sides. Military ops are rarely cut and dry and this story respected that.
The random little comments the “narrator” gives are wonderful, making the character feel all the more like a real being trying to survive and live, which can be two very different things. Also? Bonus points for the tiny little jokes here and there. (Extra bonus points for the “Snow Goggles” and the narrator being “pretty sure they do nothing.”)
The best part… the identity of the narrator isn’t revealed until the very end. You might be surprised. You might not. I’d recommend reading the comments as well as to the identity of another codenamed character. You might be interested to see where this all came from.
All in all, brilliant from start to finish!
Dragons, as a rule, are not subtle creatures.
Dragonlord Ember is far from a typical dragon.
Garble wishes he had a sane dragon for a Dragonlord, instead of some Cunning Optimist who's going to get them all killed.
Change is coming to dragonkind, one way or another.
In this fandom, there are a lot of stories about dragons that make them seem grand in scale. There are a lot of stories about dragons that make them seem kinda dumb. But there aren’t a lot that pull off the two so successfully as this story does. Because here we have a story about dragonkind reaching its very impressive full potential… but only because it took this long for a dragonlord with a high-school-level understanding of economics to show up.
For me, the most impressive thing about this story is how complete a picture of draconism it packs into just a few thousand words, all with absolutely no infodumping or lore-talk. There's a perfectly coherent vision of what Equestria's dragons are like in here, and the reader gets to see it totally clearly without having to read a story that’s just “a story about what Equestria's dragons are like.”
There's also the sense of humor, of course. Make no mistake, this is a comedy. Bugysdor has a knack for the dryer forms of sarcasm, and Garble's a perfect foil through which to look at Ember's plans. Garble’s perspective is, in fact, the big thing that makes this story work; through him, the reader gets a clear picture of what an ordinary dragon’s thought process is, and that helps sell Embers’ reforms, which we only ever see through a half-witted youngling’s eyes. The fact that even he comes around at the end is a cherry on top—the last line, for all its real-world roots, is a perfect catchphrase for anydragon.
You know, I probably would have gotten more from this if I had ever seen Wall Street. At least, that’s what I gathered from the various comments on this story. But I haven’t! So, you’ll get the perspective of someone who’s going to miss half the references!
An oddly unique slice-of-life piece, this tells the story of everyone’s favorite red teenage dragon and his plot to take dragonkind back for dragons. Mostly, about how successful he is at that. And by successful, I mean he actually learns a thing or two over the course of a decade or two.
The thing that really stands out to me is the storytelling style. I happen to be a sucker for footnotes. Blame Terry Pratchett for that (and there are very much Pratchett-style footnotes. In other words, pretty darn funny). I enjoyed the narrative of Garble, especially the three glimpses into how he sees reality. The story uses time skips quite well, taking us from the dragons we know into a completely new culture that still feels very much grounded in the MLP dragon lore.
I also happen to really like this vision for dragonkind. Darn ponies are pretty good at spreading Harmony… even to creatures like dragons. Confound these ponies, they drive dragons to good.
“Think that’ll be enough?” Novel asked as he hit the save button.
Chris shrugged. “Maybe? Who knows? She might let you go. How far ahead in the future are you from, anyway?”
“What’s today?”
“September 7.”
“Oh, I’m from next Tuesday, then.”
Chris cocked an eyebrow at him.
“What?” Novel tried to clean his glasses.
“Ugh, nothing.”
Ferret strode into the room, that same self-satisfied smirk on her face. Novel blinked at her, chewed his lip and waited. Chris sighed the sigh of the resigned.
“Yup. You’ll do. I didn’t even have to directly threaten you! Unlike some people I could mention!” She speared Chris with a single look. He didn’t meet her eyes.
“Is… threats normal?” Novel asked, backing away slightly. “Just to… write reviews?”
“It’s threats on a good day,” Chris muttered. “You don’t want to know what she does on the bad days.”
Novel shivered for reasons he couldn’t quite identify. “So… did I do well enough to go back?”
Ferret cocked her head as if Novel had just asked if the sun would be made of oranges tomorrow. Then, she began to laugh. The laugh echoed through the halls of Seattle’s Angels like an endless ocean of mirth. All who heard it winced ever so slightly.
“I’m guessing that’s a no,” Novel muttered. He sat back in his chair, tried to clean his glasses again and wondered when that soundtrack would stop playing in the background.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
New angel?
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ember, Hoardsmelter was my personal choice for Honorable Mention in the Imposing Sovereigns contest. As such, it's nice to see it get the appreciation I feel it's due... though seeing that happen with the Angels is a bit of a mixed bag.
As for the others, one I've read, one on my Read Later list, and one I've never heard of until now. Definitely some quality stuff to look into. Thanks for your work, guys.
Funny. I was just listening to some very dramatic music when I read this. Right as this happened, in fact.
WTF, Novel knows how to break the 4th wall! Or maybe he just remembers this comment, being from the future an' all...
4663104
And one who is omnipresent. He knew I was listening to the Krull soundtrack.
4663104
Yup! All welcome Novel Idea.
Oh, and @Wander D... this should be #111.
4663164
Neat!
And yeah... D's off his number game.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4663180 It's not my responsibility to number these things, or to make sure the right icons, images and formatting is posted. I go by what the documents say and do. My involvement is about posting it.
I don't know if Bugsydor has noticed this post yet (I poked him), but I can safely say (as his editor) that neither he nor I had seen Wall Street while working on Ember, Hoardsmelter. I was only vaguely aware that the movie even existed.
This is one of the features of his writing that I very much like and very much need to work on in my own writing.
4663118
The reason we edit for each other is because we both share reasonably bent and nonstandard mindsets. Stories produced by such means are usually not mainstream or clickbait compatable. I am pleased to see some of his stuff getting more recognition, though; between the two of us, he's the one who's written stories that I think are good, but somehow I have more followers (I blame CMC:P).
4663180
Yeah, what Wanderer D said. Any errors you see in a post are on us. We will happily take your torches and pitchforks as long as we get a five minute head start.
4663184
No, everyone knows you write all the reviews personally and make every post from scratch. You can't fool me!
4663203 Oh, come on man, you're supposed to keep up the front so that they don't realize that!
4663184
Oh. Alright then. My mistake.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Informative, as always. Tell me; how do you decide what you're going to review?
Those reviews of Ember, Hoardsmelter were pretty freaking glowing.
It's always great to see someone appreciate my work.
And I got another couple of fics to add to my Imminent Reading list! That airship one looks particularly promising...
4663221 Each Angel picks their own stories and other than the requirement that it have low views and not be mature, it's all fair game. We do have a recommendation thread that we try and pay attention to as lots of great stories are suggested there.
4663148
I'll never tell!
"Summer Island looks pretty good. I'll click on that. There we go, that's added to my Read it Sooner shelf. I wonder if this author has any other stories I might want to read.
...
Apparently most of them are already in my RiL bookshelf. Maybe I should get around to that."
4663237
I challenge you to a game of slida-scope!!oneone11!
Getting a review from SA is always a special kind of ego boost. You guys are just too nice. It's also great that this set of reviews came just as my reading list was running dry, so that's two "Thank you"s I owe you!
4663316
This is pretty much the truth of Bachiavellian and a few other authors around this site. He's such a fantastic author, but there's just too much content for everyone to get around to reading everything by every capable writer here that he and many others don't get the viewership they deserve. Cold Case is my far-and-beyond favorite of his. Add that to your Sooner list, too, if it isn't already.
4665137
Done, and thanks!
4663858, 4665137
Within a few minutes of me joining SA, I submitted Summer Island for consideration. I happen to love this little story (and no, not just because I did the cover design for it). Seriously, it's criminal that this story isn't a legend here on FimFic.
So well deserved!
4666337 4665137
Libel and slander. You're either dirty liars or you have no taste.
4666724
Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
I've already read Ember, Hoardsmelter and enjoyed it. Summer Island is already on my RiL list and, being a Scootaloo fic, fairly high up it.
Congrats on joining the Angels, Novel Idea!
Oh hey my story got reviewed in this one. I don't remember if I missed it the first time around or if I just forgot. In any case, sweet!